Some of you will remember that i lost my job a couple of weeks ago and was bereft about that.
I kind of got over that the last few days and have been busying myself in the daytimes (thanks for some of the suggestions from people here - I did do them!)
Well now I’m panicking cos I’ve actually got an interview for a job! I mean that’s what I wanted. Or so I thought.
But now I’m getting imposter syndrome and making up all sorts of scenarios as to why I can’t do the job and going to crash the interview etc and wouldn’t it be easier to just drink and forget about it and just turn up to the interview and go with the flow! Which I know is ridiculous, but there you go.
It’s 2am and I can’t sleep worrying about an interview that is on teams and with people that I will never ever meet again if it all goes wrong. Funny how your mind works isn’t it.
So i had the urge to smoke pot today. But it went away. So far in the first 12 days i had two cravings. One for alcohol and the other for weed. But both just went away in time.
@Jamesb85 the mind can be a cruel, cruel little troll, especially for alcoholics/addicts. Sometimes my mind will do a fun little PowerPoint of all the things i screwed up before an interview or a date or something. Maybe try to think of 3 things in life or work that you have done really well
Checking in today 9, have been sick and tired pretty much all day, but i didnt drink! Its my moms birthday and my sister went down there to surprise her, so missing out on that bc of my health was really upsetting . I know i need to get out into nature, i heard God speak that to me during a meditation today. I kindof manically started looking at places to go but got frustrated and overwhelmed and just shut down. Tried to take a little nap but couldnt sleep, finally went to the bodega for some treats, zero alcohol temptation even though theres a ton of it in the store. I truly wanted nothing but chocolate and chips (crisps?)
I see a very early bedtime in my future lots of love to you all
So i went out into the city for lunch today… this is why is LOVESSSS our universe… so for some reason i was compelled to go to a roof top restaurant ive wanted to try out for ages, something just compelled me to go… anyhoo, i sit down and look to my left and seated next to me is one of my favourite youtubers!! That i watch every time they upload! Ahhhhh ! I felt like a 12 year old groupie but of course i had to get up and intrupt there lunch to ask if it was here, it WAS ! … I apologiesd to her lunch date but said im a big fan / follower! Lol… she was so lovely. And even prettier in real life
I held back and didnt take a photo well because boundaries and if i had been drinking i would of for sure been up in there taking all the selfies lmao.
@Minatasha My house was a wreck when I quit, and after 2 years, some parts still are. I know how overwhelming it can feel, which makes it even harder to start. Don’t beat yourself up if it’s not done today. The dust will still be there tomorrow. Altho, I do hope you find your wallet
756
I felt pretty motivated today and ended up dancing around the dishes. You know, the one thing that needed to get done and didn’t, bc I kept finding other things to do But I shouldn’t complain. The floors are done, the laundry got folded and put away, and the coffee table was dusted (the top part anyway), and miscellaneous.
Then I played Monopoly with my daughter for the first time. It wasn’t a game I liked until I was older, but she liked it. Of course we didn’t finish bc we only played for 2 hours, but it beat watching tv. Honestly, idk how many times I’ve actually finished a game I played one game for a week once and still never finished!
I slept ok, and have another day of experience work to come. I’m not bad. One day at a time and all that. I’m going to make today as good a day as I can and expect the same from all of you. Sober and clean of course or nothing will come from it. Love from the Picasso in Vondelpark.
@Girlinterrupted You’re a very special lady and I wish life dealt you some easier cards at times. It is what it is though. Success with life without meds friend. Big hugs. @Jamesb85 Success with the interview. Just try to be yourself. All we can do. @StacyAnn Sounds like a hangover to me, physical ,emotional, mental… Hang in there, stay sober odaat, do your sober things, it will improve friend.
@Benadene.H Welcome to TS How are you today? What ressources are available to you right now?
477 sugar
341 UPF
215 gluten/dairy
Foggy and cloudy morning, had some trouble waking up. Night was ok. Had a great RecoveryDharma meeting as always. Grateful for that community.
Feeling rather tired and a bit symptomatic today. Going to take it easy. Want to do my seasonal review, maybe manage to take a shower. Chillaxing for the rest of the day.
Today’s picture is sunset over my city photographed from one of the viaducts of our phenomenal bike path.
When the withdrawal is finally over, believe me or not it’s just a thought that remains.
Sometimes I think a cig would be nice but I know that’s just my history with nic talking. I dissmiss it with ease now.
The more time behind you the better it gets. Nic replacement therapy helps tremendously in early days. I prefer loszengs. If not loszengs, regular mints.
Day 1. Have to start someplace . I debated whether to get some days in before posting, but then figured posting is probably helpful.
I’ve been drinking much less, but want to stop completely. I had pints last night, tho woke up feeling great. And for me, I like the idea of trying to completely stop not bc I feel horrible, but bc I simply want to. And I really do.
Not many resources where I live, so will check out the online resources I’ve seen linked to in posts.
I live right next to my village pub, so the temptation is ever present, but perhaps not different than living in a city with bars and restaurants everywhere. So perhaps I’ve been using that proximity as an excuse.
One good thing is that I’m visiting family in the US next week for a bit, and I usually don’t drink or even have a desire to drink in the US. Bunch of stressful family things going on, but everyone has stressful situations, and I’ve no doubt I’ll deal with it better being sober.
I like the idea of checking in. Maybe not daily, but often enough. I once had 9 years sober, and not wanting to let the people supporting you down was always great motivation.
Easing into the days, coffee in hand watching as the night turns to day and the sun shows its face = living
Enjoying just about everyday like this has been the biggest upside I think to sobriety I can imagine. Clear headed, appreciating the little things. The clarity to get after what fills you the most. What a life.
Today I have an all over body workout planned then I haven’t thought much beyond that. Perhaps grocery store to pick up some more healthy fuel for the body. Maybe even a walk on the beach today with the doggos, if this -11 can warm up just a bit lol
Enjoy your day sober friends, whether you are at hour 1, or day 1000+ Good for you for just showing up.
Got my official adhd diagnosis papers out and next step is meeting with new doctor to make up a treatment plan and starting with medication.
I am happy i got the diagnosis but i am also feeling a lot of anxiety. Especially since I am still in the limbo, knowing what the issue is but not yet receiving the care for it. I have tried to start some things to support organisation in my life but any little distraction makes it rumble down. Also kind of coming to terms of being 30 and the psych seeing all the criteria from early childhood until now and no one ever batting an eye when i was growing up. Im not mad or dissappointed at anyone but still kinda sucks. Wish i get the doctors appointment soon. Also would love to just be able to vent about this diagnosis. Its not a surprise to me or anyone but it still makes a difference now that I finally have the official diagnosis and can get actual help for it too. Im feelings lots of things right now.
lots of love to you all
and if i had been drinking i would of for sure been up in there taking all the selfies lmao.
But I shouldn’t complain. The floors are done, the laundry got folded and put away, and the coffee table was dusted (the top part anyway), and miscellaneous.
I played one game for a week once and still never finished!
How are you today? What ressources are available to you right now?
. I debated whether to get some days in before posting, but then figured posting is probably helpful.
lol
