Im so sorry for your loss @sober_ken hate to say it but if you dont feel safe going back maybe you can say goodbye in another way that doesnt involve putting you in danger. Sending hugs
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913
Another day won 
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Early Sunday morning. Wrote my daily page. Itās not really a journal, just what comes up in me. Today there wasnāt very much but I still got my page filled. Working Sunday which is good for my paycheck. Missed my kitty badly last night. Looked at the last pictures I took of her. Unreal now they were the last.
One day at a time friends. Letās make today as good a day as we all can. Sober and clean of course. Pic is from my ride Friday. Love.
@sober_ken So sorry for your loss Kenny. Use your sober tools please. Use us. Wishing you all strength to deal with this 
@Madds Donāt feel shame for having craves and urges. Be proud for recognizing them and dealing with them. Like you just did. Keep going. Youāre doing great X.
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@sober_ken I hope youāre doing okay. Youāre in my thoughts. Iām so sorry for you loss.
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Hi Kenny,
My deepest condolences on the loss of your step grandmother. We understand that this woman was important to you and that you respected her. She lives on through you. Let her live on through you by respecting yourself.
Have a good day. Be proud of who you are.
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I am so sorry for your loss Kenny 
my condolences.. take care 
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Hi!
What great initiatives and positive energy here! One day at a time, gloom can quickly set in for us. You support each other. Positive camaraderie: the best. I hope you continue like this and have lots of good ideas that make people smile.
Have a great day, my friend!
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Hey there. How is life after you start getting back on track? Well I guess it what you make of it. Then for me Iām lonely as hell but at the same time Iām not anyone s problem ya know. Just seems to make life easier. Meeting people use to be so easy before but know everything is on line and I dont trust most of the stuff on computers and apps anymore because of bad people out there idk. I talk here but it not the same a talk with someone that gets you I that make sense. Lol. Guess everything takes time just like recovery. (Odaat)
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You are always enough 
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What a picture 
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Hello,
There have been a few, but this is the most recent / active one I think.
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I am so sorry for your loss 
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Showing my age here of how tame my life, as I like it has become. My program of events this morning includes washing my car & a small bit of maintenance. 45 minute walk around a graveyard, a hair cut with my boy and weāre going to look at a small classic car gathering. Likely a Starbucks stop along the way.
Im throughly looking forward to all that 
I think thats hitting a couple of bases, achieving a little few jobs, spending some with my boy & getting some exercise & head space. Also a project im working on in work is coming to a close during the next week. Im looking forward to some finishing touches and presenting it for feedback and hopefully closure.
Have a great Sunday.
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624 days
Good couple of days. Out for lunch with family today. Now im at work on nightshift, only tonight then Iām off for a few days. Want to get to the gym in the morning so hopefully itās a quiet one.
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634 sugar
498 UPF
One of those days. Hang out with my morning sangha. It is a wonderful place to be. Did my weekly review. Need this day to sort out stuff, do laundry, relax. Looking forward to some yin yoga. Need to integrate all kinds of things.
Was out of sorts for a bit this morning and had a bit of a ārelapseā panic moment. Remembered to breathe, be kind to myself and connect with my people.
Peace and love always 
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Iām so, so sorry for your loss, Kenny
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Checking in
Good to be sober on this overcast Sunday
Take care everyone
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Hey all, checking in on day 1890. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Thanks Steve! This meant a lot to read! Stay strong and your dog will be proud, I feel so happy to be staying sober, Iām starting not to have any cravings never thought it would happen!
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checking in 16 weeks and 5 days sober. The dreams are thick and fast now / most nights I wake up in a cold sweat that Iāve accidentally gone out on one of my benders, forgotten I was pregnant and woken up with a hangover from hell and worried and ashamed to a new level. I am then SO RELIEVED it didnāt happen. I have to ask my partner when he wakes up: āare you SURE I didnāt go out last night and blackout and forget the night?ā Iām doing a lot of therapy (or started) and realised that Iām being haunted by the many nights I canāt account for in my life. I think I am begging myself to forgive my younger self for what she did and what she could have done. For all the near misses and rock bottoms.
I also woke up in tears this morning, I visited my 10 year old self (she smelled bad, she had lice, she wore old clothes) all the while my parents worked good jobs and people at school said I have no personal hygiene. It was tough and I was too young to know what I needed to change. I needed care I needed my parents to help me wash my Clothes. For years I blamed myself for this. Now that Iām seeing some friends who have kids approaching 10 Iām realising how it really could not have been my responsibility. That anyone could have helped me that my parents SHOULD have noticed. This is where the hell started until I was 23 and the years of drinking were reaching an unbearable peak but Iād carry on for 4 more years. Meeting my partner around 27 was pivotal. I was recently sober, 8 weeks in and he wasnāt sober but he WAS emotionally engaged and caring. I got to know him rather than seeing him as another person to act as validation for the attention I never got from my parents, this time I could ENGAGE, consciously and I have no doubt thatās why we are together 6 years later in a loving relationship with a baby on the way. This journey of sobriety reveals SO much. I feel Iāve slightly ācheatedā this test because itās much easier having a āreason not to drinkā (pregnancy) but if thatās ALL thatās keeping us doing it (societal norms) then that should teach us something valuable shouldnāt it. I LOVE knowing what I said the night before, knowing I was generous or grateful or sensitive or asked questions. I love NOT embarrassing my partner. I love being able to drive HIM home. I want to remember how this feels after baby comes and make sure that I donāt just let societal norms govern what I choose to do with my mind and body. All the years of pouring gasoline down my throat, to escape my repressed wounds. It never ever ever ever helped. Iāve NEVER regretted a sober night. Iāve OFTEN regretted a drunken night. We can choose to heal from our childhood/schoool/early life wounds. Good luck to you all this sunny Sunday and hope you pick up a good book and remember you canāt do that drunk!
also for anyone waking up having done something shameful or fell off last night - youāre okay. I see you. I empathise. You can get through today and tomorrow will be better 
love this community x
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