Thank you. We’ve been doing this little dance since 2013! Alcohol was a huge part of our divorce in 2014. We seperated. she went to rehab, we got back together. She drank with me her first night after 3 months treatment. On again and off again, she’d get sober and relapse. 2015 I went to rehab for 3 weeks. We got back together. I was sober for 18 months, she was mostly sober that 18 months. We relapsed together, i drank daily since that first drink, we broke up, I continued to drink for 2 1/2 years every day with us getting back together at least 2 more times. I quit drinking last November, she quit the week after, got back together in December. I’ve remained sober, she says she has, but I don’t know.
We’ve tried almost everything. I’ll always love her. I know she will always love me. Just a lot more than just the alcohol.
Thank you for the support. I just don’t think it’s meant to be.
Busy day at work ahead. Then appointment with my GP to talk about mental health stuff. I’m nervous for that but not as anxious as I’ve been for a couple of days. Did prepare for it a bit. Had a drinking / drugging dream involving an old friend / owner of a bar I used to visit and us taking lsd and tequila sunrises together. Actually writing this down I remember we once did a surreal day trip visiting a horse track and taking mushrooms and drinking beer and me driving back. At least 15 years ago. Hm. Where did that come from? @Hidden It’s good to see you here Chris. Big congrats on reaching triple digits. You do what is good for you friend. Sober it will be much better to make these sort of decision right. Everybody have a good day. Clean and sober. Love from my work place in Amsterdam where at least I saw some blue sky yesterday.
@TrueSpiritRyuu Theme parks with kids are soul destroying, good luck! @Clara Messy but passable! @anon89892515 Focus on ur own shit, don’t worry about others is a great attitude for many parts of life @Hidden That sounds very tough. Some people u will always have feelings for, even if it is not good for u.
Did tax this morning. If that didn’t drive me to drink, I’ve cracked this sobriety lark.
Congratulations with the days @Hidden. Good you are back, sobriaty first!
Day 527
Worked very hard yesterday and had my best day sales volume ever I think! But I hurt my back
Had to lift a lot during the day because of changing the products in my shop.
So I just took some painkillers and off to work again 🙋
I so badly wanted a couple of drinks last night, i was home alone and was playing Diablo III (hadnt played it for a couple of years, so thought it would be nice). While i was playing i felt an urge to have a couple of beers. I kept playing trying to forget my thoughts about drinking, but they returned. So i started thinking what to do. My “addict-mind” continued to Tell me two beers wouldnt hurt and all the normal excuses for justify a drink. So i thought i would order some comfy food on just eat, but i had deleted the app since i normally could order beers on justeat, so that i didnt have to go to the shops and have people looking at me when buying beers. But despite my urge i downloaded the app and ordered comfy food and deleted the app afterwards. When the food arrived i ate a bit and saved the rest for my bf. Back at playing the urge came again. This time i dealt with it for a couple of hours, then decided to go for a walk in the storm and rain (we have quiet hard weather these days) thought it might blow the urge out of me. I went to buy cigarettes and i saw they had beers in the fridge, i went over to the fridge looked at the beers, turned my back at them and went over to the self-mix candy and mixed the biggest bag of candy i have ever done and payed a fortune but at least went home without beers, didnt eat the candy, but i know my bf will. And when i came home the urge to drink was gone.
Sorry for the long story, just thought i would share it with someone. Today i can laugh a bit about all the things i bought not to drink, but my bf came home from work very late and loved that there was pizza and candy for him so not a total waste
I’m glad you’re coming back around and focusing on you. I’m sending you strength and support virtually!! I know how extremely hard it is to cut that off when you still love someone but it’s just not right. I personally would have to do no contact so I didn’t cave. So sending strength
Congrats on 100 gays!!!
Day 85 !
Attent meetings, got a sponsor, do stepwork!
Recovery feels like a blessing for me!
85 days without…i cant even imagine if i had ever these numbers in my aldulthood…
Wow! Amazing! Nail biter of a night and you did it! You really put in the work, I bet that felt amazing to pier through and report another day sober! Whooo hoo, congrats! I’m in awe
Had some shitty days behind me with character defects chasing me around emotions fly allover and finishing step 6 with my sponsor.
Day 200 full sobriety coming up, I decided it was time I wrote down my recoverystory. It came quite the read. So I understand if you won’t take the time. But if you would want to
155.47
Checking in sober and still struggling with the thought of picking up a drink. Only thing getting me through is the sickening thought of withdrawals I don’t know if I can make it through that again. Not being able to stand or function. No thanks. I have to go back to see if I’ve chronicled that before to keep it real.
I actually left work early yesterday and didn’t go to the gym. This whole stress with my biz is overwhelming. I was crunching numbers yesterday and a bit of panic set in. I know it’s going to be ok. But it’s scary. I might be under the weather because I’m physically incapable of napping and I took quite the power nap. It was like a ton of bricks hit me and I was down for the count for about 15-20 minutes. Super tired today as I was up hours past my bedtime, but for a good reason
Stbx started in with me yesterday and I dealt with it really well. I think I’m at a point in my life where his cruelty no longer emotionally affects me. I just say not today and hang up on him
Thank you. I’ve never not responded to her, I assume I always will, but I’m ready for the relationship to be over, as hard as that is. The breakup was very loving and she understood what I was saying. I think we are both accepting that this has to happen. We will see.
days 
🙋
I don’t know if I can make it through that again. Not being able to stand or function. No thanks. I have to go back to see if I’ve chronicled that before to keep it real.
