Not a great workday. I had a run-in with my employer this morning. I know it’s partly work and partly personal, so I wasn’t my calm self. I was also just pissed off at myself for not having enough privacy, and maybe it was necessary to not always be so sweet and kind. Oh well, I’m sober, and tomorrow is another day. Checking in on day 3167
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Day 1486
Afternoon check in. Im feeling just a little bit better than I was this morning thankfully. The gym helped 
I began to look into counselling for my disordered eating. The prices are soo expensive but I did see one place that bases their cost on a sliding scale (depending on how much u make). So I filled out the form to be contacted hoping I can explain my situation.
I have realized how naturally stressed out I am. I think it was @ICanAndWill who mentioned cortisol levels on a comment to one of my posts a few days back. And Im beginning to really see how high my stress levels are. Its to the point that I dont even realize Im stressed, bcuz im so used to feeling this way. Its just a natural state of being lol. From my past experiences while in addiction, to my sons medical diagnosis/complex needs, to my eating issues, to my sleep problems, to financial stuff, its just a lot. I AM continuing to schedule time for myself to take care of this stress tho. I know that stress is my response to how I think about a situation thats occuring. So im very slowly learning to pause between the thought and my reaction (stress).
Speaking of stress, I got a call today about how we are getting a new a ft and pt nurse overnight for my son. This will begin to take place next week (short notice). We have a meeting tmrw at 10am with my sons team to dicuss our expectations for these new nurses. Then they will be trained with our son. Anyway, Im slightly nervous, anxious, and stressed about this change. But i am trying to stay positive. I am sure grateful for my sobriety tho. Im beyond grateful to be clean and sober to handle all this with a clear head.
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Thank you Alex. I’m at 12 days today. Keeping strong.
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Checking in day 799 AF 
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Day 980
All good..tired but relaxing now..work is v v hard at the mkment. But i will plod on
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Checking in on my second smoke-free day. Cravings are tough, but bearable. Did a blood test and some chores and I worked, but failed to read as much as I had planned. I had a therapy session in the evening, which was great and helpful as always. It’s weird not to go out afterwards to process it, I need to find other ways to wind down.
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Checking in
Not much to report from here, Im watching a comedy tonight, and I’ll be going to bed soon. Sober day on the books 
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Checking in on day 21…. Feeling so many things right now..I’m in a lot of emotional pain bc I’m reflecting on recent events. Going through my scariest life threatening experience just weeks ago, being rushed via ambulance to the hospital and then having to have a blood transfusion as well as an iron transfusion. I was scared, and at my lowest point in life. I remember when I first arrived in the emergency department I kept holding out my hand because I needed support. Realizing I had nobody there with me crushed me. I needed my hand held, I needed to be told I was gonna be okay. I needed a hug, support, love and not one family member (even though they knew what was going on) came to see me at any single point throughout my time in the er and then on the psych unit. I was watching American idol this evening and it’s family week. It triggered some really hard emotions for me. I have a lot of anger and frustration inside. When I first got home a couple weeks ago my best friend (bless her heart) came to my apartment and helped me dispose of all my sh devices. Now, I’ve found another device and told my Php group leader I’d be having my friend help me ditch this one as well but if I’m being honest it’s way harder to give it up this time. I think bc it’s handing over control and it was easier the first time because I’d just gotten out of treatment and was really recovery focused and inspired by all the help I’d received but this time it’s way harder and I just don’t wanna face hard feelings right now so I’m avoiding even telling anyone else that I have a device. I feel myself giving up 
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From being in hospital to getting to 21 days is an incredible achievement @Jules000 . I know its hard now but it sounds like you are building your own support network around you which is another great achievement.
The reflections on past events are hard and I would reach out like you have on here and to your support network. No one is an island. I’m rooting for you.
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Day 3 Checking in
I’ve been the opposite of grateful today. Really struggled with bitterness and resentment about a problem I cannot fix. Ended up in a heated discussion with my other half who is just telling me to let it go and let the problem I see coming happen as it doesn’t matter how much I point it out, people won’t make changes until it affects them. Its sound advice but it just taps into some deeper feelings of mistrust in leaving things to other people as it feels like the problems just comes back to me in the end.
The positive I am going to try and take from this that things need to change. The stress has been affecting my physical and mental health and I’ve been putting everything into this piece of work with an outcome that I was counting on. It hasn’t happened so I need to realign myself with what I want my life to be. That sounds dramatic when I read it back but I need to put my health first, not to get caught up in things.
Tomorrow is another day, I get to go again and try and find gratitude again.
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