Thank you! I needed to hear that today. I’ve been doing good so far, but today I found myself fantasizing about going home and having “just one”. I went to another online meeting today. I listened to people but it just didn’t seem to stir anything within me for some reason. I thought.. only for a bit.. that I might as well get to the inevitable failing again. They talked a lot today about how sobriety without recovery won’t fix things. I listened to them explain what that meant, and all I could think was.. I don’t have time for all that much less the ability! I honestly don’t think I’ll ever figure out why I am the way I am and all that stuff, and I don’t really think it would help anyway. Figuring out why might just give me an excuse. I can hear my mind saying, “See? That’s why you have to drink! You can’t help it!”.
Ugh.. I’m discouraged today. 4 days is definitely harder than my 3rd.
I thought I was getting my head together a bit today. But now sitting here I feel so lost. I haven’t been able to see my husband today with the hospital move and an operation.
I know it will pass, but boy am I going through the whole gambit of emotions. I haven’t once wanted a drink so it is comforting that something has shifted in my brain.
Figuring out what is behind the drinking is part of it. But, like any big thing you have to do it in little steps. My therapist would describe it as peeling away the layers of an onion. You can only reach the other layers once you’ve peeled the outer one off.
I have definitely found help through this forum and a therapist. This forum is a great starting point as I often read something someone else is experiencing and it resonates with me.
Not everything is going to click, and that’s okay. Just my two cents, but hang in there for a few more a days at least. 1. You’ll be building those sober muscles, and 2. Right now you’re still working through the physical and mental impacts of withdrawal. Things might feel different later!
Also…congratulations on 4 days! It’s a big deal, and I hope you take a minute to feel really proud of yourself!
Checking in day 258. Beau is back, and I won’t go see him bc I think I’m getting a cold. This’ll be my first cold since way before Covid, which I’ve also never had. Tried to walk the doggo, but the wind came up and made the rain sideways. He tucked tail and headed for home, all squinty eyed in the pelting rain. Heated towels for him, hot bath with eucalyptus and peppermint for me.And more heated towels. Now plain chai tea. I can’t remember the last time I called out sick. Amazing we don’t have good medicines for this. Maybe I’ll listen to a speaker meeting podcast, a low-key way to keep sobriety top of mind and hear some great stories, both hilarious and hair-raising.
@OHsusieQ I understand you! Waking up early and breathing that moment of stillness is priceless. I am very happy for you and your determination to give to your life a new turn and see what unexpected gifts will bring to you and your family!
1007
Finally all night of undisturbed sleep. Finally weird little headache that I had for last couple of days is gone.
Last day of work and long weekend ladies and gentlemen. We gonna have a guest for few days and I love it cause it gives me a bit of break from my kids. They are absolutely crazy about their uncle. You are doing great thing @Alexh666 being present in your sister kids lifes, I always admire that when you post something about them. It’s great for kids to have more adults in their lifes, not only parents. Our families are living so far,.my parents are long time gone, my sister is not very interested in us. Quite sad. I want to think about us as a beginning of big happy family. My 3 boys will have their own families, hopefully. I will have a lot of grandkids. Big ass dinners, happy family meetings…
But now, finish my coffee, shower, wake them up, school, work… Busy as always.
Much love my sober pocket family
I think yesterday was the first time I have been home all day in months because of the bad weather. At the beginning, I was a bit restless in my mind because I didn’t know how to fill the day, but in the end, it went by quite fast, and it was time for bed again! It is still rainy and windy today, but the sunshine should be back on Saturday, just in time for Easter. I have no idea what I am going to do today, but let’s take it one minute at a time.
Yesterday, I wrote a few sentences on a piece of paper about “situations” I am done with and ready to move on from. I then burned the paper and watched those words vanish into ash.
It takes some degree of patience to follow the slow unfolding of sobriety and the ability to do nothing sometimes, simply because there is nothing to do.
I’ve got this. I just have to keep going without any specific expectation of a specific outcome and follow the flow of events. That’s it.
Today I am grateful for:
Knowing that slow and steady wins the race.
Showing up.
Being able to get through a simple, quiet day at home and for having a bedroom.
