My aunt who i don’t see or spend time with
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@Staringupfromthewell Thank you for your post. I reset my timer today. Starting with the basics is a good idea. I have no idea how to “recover” as I’ve heard people mention a lot. But hopefully, I can put one foot in front of the other, eat better and exercise. The rest and hydration seems to be a problem for me, though not sure why. I like your Thomas Eddison analogy… very nice. 
Thank you for all your support and encouragement.
@TrustyBird Thank you so so much. Maybe I do need someone to kinda check in on me from time to time. If I’m not here, that’s usually bad news. 
I appreciate your timely response.
Both of you have encouraged me to try again. Thank you!
Day 1- Last night was the worst since the beginning of this last relapse. It was a typical Monday, following a terrible Sunday. I poisoned myself again with alcohol, and too much indeed. I accidentally fell in my daughter’s room, landed halfway on the nightstand and half on the bed. Her first words were, “You must be drunk.” I didn’t know what to say, but tears started welling up in my eyes. All I could tell her was how sorry I was. I could feel her disappointment in me and it hurt so bad. Thinking about it now still makes me want to cry. I hope I don’t forget this when times get rough, how much more terrible things can be by having that first drink.
New day and here I am, resetting the timer. A lot of stuff on my mind, and no one other than you guys to talk to really. I don’t think anyone else would understand or even care to listen. But I want to tell you all that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for making a commitment to check in for 30 days and then failing on that just a few days later. I’m sorry to anyone who has mentioned me, wrote to me, etc. that I did not respond to. You all are the greatest. I hope I prove to not be a waste of your time.
Not a lot good to talk about today, but I’m around. I’m staying sober for today. Thanks for listening.
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You don’t need to apologise to us. We have been there. Check in here. Pour out as much of how you are feeling as you feel comfortable with.
The shame is how it gets you. It tells you you aren’t enough when you are.
You are enough. As you say one foot in front of the other.
Try this, when you hear yourself say "I don’t know how to do [insert thing]. Try adding “yet” to the end of the sentence. Its amazing how powerful that can be. You stumbled, you said you don’t know how to stay sober, yet.
We are all learning. I am in the middle of a real wobble right now, I don’t know how to fix it. But so long as you keep trying you will learn things.
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Day 1514
Im feeling super discouraged today. I have little energy, I feel weak, and Im feeling pretty “lost” in the sense of my ED and my health journey. In one sense, i just feel like giving up, but… I wont let myself do that.
Today I have to get some bloodwork done (Im here waiting now to do that). Im getting my creatinine levels checked. I stopped taking my creatine supplement a month ago and so Im checking levels to make sure my kidneys are doing alright. I noticed that my kidney function was a little low in an earlier blood test. But i was also taking creatine which can cause a false low uqresult. So hopefully my kidney functio7uuuuuuju77uu7uuujn is normal, now that i stopped taking it for some time.
Then i have to go to the grocery store for a few things and then home. Not sure if i will go to the gym today tho. I might just rest. I’ll see how I feel.
Hope everyone has a good day!
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Oh, well, tell her to go [expletives] after she [expletives].
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Day 148
My husband is getting quite a few visitors now he is slowly starting to improve. He’s mates are mostly going in the afternoon so I’m staying at home with the dogs.
I’m just sorting of sit here and the time vanishes. No cravings though just a very numb mind.
He will be in for a while so I need to get it together enough to do the basic household chores
Got a vets appointment for one of the dogs tomorrow morning so that will be a nice change 
Have a good 24 everyone
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It starts by doing something different from what has not worked for you in the past. For me, Antabuse played a big role, helping me separate physically from alcohol to a certain extent. After that, I went back to AA and did what they suggested because they were staying sober, I was not, so I decided to do what they did in order to get what they had.
Good intentions and hope, on their own, will not get you sober. Only different actions that bring about a change in your attitudes and feelings will start you on the path. And now for the hardest question of all - Are you done yet?
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Day 11, some days are easier some more difficult. Everytime I think about IT, I remind myself of the words you wrote on My day 3. Thank for the support, I havent talked to anyone but here. Thanks again
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That means you are fully equipped to take care of your puppy then! Take it as a confirmation! 
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Day 467
Just completed my quarterly review at work. Everything went ok. It appears I lost sleep over nothing. I literally stayed awake most the night worried I was going to get fired or something which is pretty silly all things considered.I don’t know why I always think the worst will happen in these situations but I do. I guess it’s just my own special brand of crazy. Anyways on to the next 3 months of challenges. Hope you all are having a good day. Stay safe and sober out there.
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Hey friend, sending u BIG hugs 
Recovery is not linear. There are ups n downs. But what matters is that u dont give up. Im glad ur back and working on Day 1.
This may be the perfect opportunity to write ur experience all down. Write it as raw and vulnerable as u can get so that u can read this down the road. I did that in early recovery with my last relapse. The mom guilt was excruciating honestly and i wrote down in detail how i felt. This helped me in the future, bcuz our addict brains DO lie to us and try to help us forget how bad it gets.
There is really no need to apologize I understand why u did, but honestly… we understand. Dont make urself feel even worse friend. Recovery is a whole new way of living. It can take time to find our “groove”. Learning how to live sober is vastly different from what we are used to. For me anyway, it was trial and error. Learning how to do things differently. I was a chronic relapser and i learned something new from each replase.
Take time today to be gentle with urself. Punishing urself will just make u feel worse and potentially create urges to slip again. Focus on a new plan. What u are going to do today for ur recovery Baby steps friend. We got u! 
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Oh I agree. My main focus has been a better sober life with the healing from within. Im not looking to add a relationship with another human at this time but make my home welcome to those fur babies in need. I am at a place where I am at peace, happy and content 
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Day 50 — the past few days have been quite challenging, but I’m feeling better today. Wishing everyone a good evening. 
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What describes my recovery the best, is that since I’m sober, I’m building myself a life I don’t feel the need to run from. I’m taking away the need to drink (and smoke) one day at a time.
Sobriety isn’t the goal but the means. And a first requirement for me to change my life. Through peer support (I found that right here), through working on myself and my relationships (for me that goes through psycho- and somatic therapy), through working for and with others (I’m a mental health nurse working in addiction care).
Those are my main tools and means to a better life. You have to find your own. Wishing you all success. And never say sorry for coming here please. We’re really in this together. Hugs.
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Week 2, Day 2 Checking in
I made it.
Today I got to spend time with my son and his half sister (who used to be my step daughter). It was great to spend quality time with them. I felt present and I enjoyed their company. They are both staying with their nan and as I said goodbye to them and we went our seperate ways my mind took me back to 4 years ago when I was in a custody battle to keep my son with me. All those feelings rushed back. The feeling of shame that I couldn’t protect them from whats coming, the powerlessness, the guilt that by fighting for me sons future I was taking him away from his sister. It still hurts now.
I was in a real state when I got home. Thank you to everyone who reached out and helped me in a moment of need. The support was the difference between relapse and not.
I stayed the course. I felt that emotion in the moment and I feel stronger for it.
I listened to and took the advice given here on the forum. I worked those sober muscles, the coping techniques. I leant in to the feeling that I do not want to relapse.
It was a real teaching moment and I am, again, so grateful for those who reached out.
Thank you.
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Checking in
Anxious anxious anxious
I hope everyone is having a peaceful day
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Checking in 572 days of continuous sobriety
Im learning to talk about my negative feelings when they are building. I always use to think i didnt need to talk them because, it was like i thought i didnt matter and if i let it go then its better. This caused build anger which caused temper tantrums over stupid little things eventually.
Its like resting, you cant rest if you dont sleep.
Something very important is learning how to use the right words when talking about a negative feeling or frustration. It kinda take predictive guesses on how they the person i tell will react, to get the words right. The main thing is getting the words out right without causing a new issue.
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That is a great question… and one I don’t have the answer to at the moment. I’ve asked myself zillions of times what it would take for me to be done with it once and for all. I’ve not been able to come up with an answer to that. But you’re right. I need to have that question on repeat till I can come up with an answer. A change in my attitudes and feelings.. yeah, I definitely need that.
That is certainly something I will use. Thank you for that!
I’m going to do that, too. I type a lot, but it might be good to actually just sit down with paper and pencil and literally write it all out. Write it slowly so I have time to think about it and don’t leave anything out. Maybe start a “sobriety journal” of sorts. It’s good to type things out here and get feedback. But I can see why writing it all out to myself might be cleansing in a way.
I never thought of it like that. Maybe I need to list my goals and then the means to get there. Thank you for your insight!
You all have made my day! I will stop saying I’m sorry for coming here. It’s the second best choice I’ve made today.
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Congratulations on your 
years of sobriety, Dan! 
And thank you for your always valuable input in this community!
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