I am not used to complaining, and I let this latest situation take a toll on me. Without trying to sugarcoat reality, I know that everything that happens, happens for me, and it is a positive experience in its own way. Just because I don’t feel as energized and motivated as I usually do, doesn’t mean I have stopped progressing.
I will take this phase for what it is, a phase, and just listen to my body. Today I slept three hours longer than usual, and tomorrow I will do the same.
There is a big picture at play, and as long as I count all the blessings I have and the support that is available to me, this cannot go wrong!
Went out last night with my wife and some of our friends to a big concert. Was a little apprehensive during the day about it as the crew we were going with was gearing up for a big night. I was sober driver and they definitely got after it but it was a good night overall.
The best part was this morning was my youngests birthday so not being hungover for today was everything. Took the day off work and went out for lunch to celebrate.
Im back to work tomorrow, we have a tropical cyclone forecast to hit overnight and into tomorrow so im picking work will be busy.
my second day 50 and I hope, the last! Off for dinner with the family after a long driving day. Booze not on my radar right now so it’s smooth sailing.
Good morning my dear community, wishing you a pleasant start of the weekend, let it be calm, recharging and productive.
Your useful comments to my post yesterday @Butterflymoonwoman and @ICanAndWill were indeed very insightful and are helping on my way to re-wire my brain from OT and Intolerance of Uncertainty to normal behavioral patterns, standard way of thinking or lets say proper processing of thoughts, experiences etc.
Hobbit day was very nice yesterday. But today I am cranky and restless. Woke up with my appartment smelling of sigaret smoke, again. I finally found the culprit (my downstairs neighbour and her drunk friends) and they promised to smoke outside in the future. Then I had to shower in a bathroom smelling of second hand smoke, blegh. They say the worst anti-smokers are ex-smokers and I can confirm. I smoked for many years and quit about 15 years ago. Waking up in a room smelling of smoke now disgusts me.
I feel restless. Normally I would go for a long walk to calm down but my leg hurts like hell. I will try a short walk with a crutch and hope it helps. When I feel like this I tend to do a lot of online shopping. But one of my goals for DBT is not to do that anymore, so I won’t. Which makes me more restless…
Anyway, I hope you all have a safe and sober weekend
Woke up with quite a headache. Does not look like it’s going to resolve any time soon. Maintenance stuff today and very much looking forward to another game night later.
I’ve got a gig tonight and it’s gonna be a belter! It’ll be my 7th time of seeing James and my 2nd time of seeing Doves. I’m soooo grateful for art in all of its forms but music is the art form I love the most. Sober gigging is the new normal I’m probably not gonna raise hell in any moshpits anytime soon, but the pit injuries were beginning to take their toll anyway, and at MY AGE I need to be a bit more risk averse.
Thanks, I love their layered psychedelic style and I’m hoping to feel the goosebumps multiple times. I have a policy whereby I don’t listen to a band on the same day I watch them because I fear getting desensitised, plus, it adds to the anticipation of the show.
Checking in hope everyone has a wonderful Saturday . I’ve got my diet soda and snacks packed to go watch the grand national hoarse racing at my mums with the family .
7673 AF
My spouse had a whirlwind day at her new job yesterday, lots of drama, her nominal supervisor is quitting, but her old boss, who she loves, is highly interested and interviewed for the opening yesterday also! Crazy stuff.
I am committing to being a good husband this weekend, and dropping the critical attitude.
It was a long day yesterday, and I didn’t get much sleep the night before. So I crashed the minute I got home. I slept great!
I wish we had better communication sometimes, but I’m not going to let it stress me out. I found out yesterday that the starter is shot on the boat. We get a new one Thursday. After its installed, We head out.
We have a new guy. He is working out good. super chill. Steady worker. I hope he lasts. He doesnt drink. He mentioned it before I did, so I believe him. Usually people find out I dont drink and try to align themselves with it to try and impress me.
I am not impressed. lol
3 non drinkers on the boat and one who says he drinks less than he probably does. Ive never smelled booze on him. I dont think he’d bring it to the boat so thats good.
More gear work today and some wrench turning in the engine room. Sober, serene, and grateful!
Day 1518
Gooood morrrrrning TS fam! Been a hectic morning. I am currently at work but have been moved from 1 client to another due to short staffing. I actually dont mind tho. I love working with the clients here in this house. I know their routinr very well and I feel like I make a difference each time I work here.
Last night I was FINALLY able to sleep. We had a new HCA come into the home to be trained. I think she will do okay Maybe too soon to tell. Shes coming again tonight for a 2nd training. Then she will be on her own for Sunday and Monday. Gratefuo to have some care anyway.
Other than that, Im doing okay. Looking forward to hitting the gym next week. Its been a minute since I have exercised. I have a busy week next week also, but will definitly make time to move my body.
I slept like a rock last night. No Advil PM. No 3 AM wake-up. I didn’t even use my fancy sleep mask (that thing was worth every penny - it has gotten me through some terrible nights). Feeling pretty good this morning. Grounded. It’s taking a little time to get the wheels turning in my brain again this morning. Sludgy thinking.
I almost got sucked into some administrative drama yesterday between a professor of mine and the head of the department. I was reached out to (texted) on a Friday night at 6 PM to vouch for this professor so he wouldn’t get in trouble. I almost did it, too. Thankfully, my brilliant husband stepped in with his seemingly infinite wisdom to (metaphorically) shake some sense into me. “Stop wasting your energy on these people. You’ve given them too much of your creative time already. You are here to write, not to save other people. This is a grown ass man. He should not be texting a student about something he is refusing to be held accountable for. Get back to your own shit. You owe it to yourself.” And I did. I closed the email I drafted and got back to work on my own stuff.
This was a lesson in protecting my own peace. I’ve been saying I need to prioritize my own projects and defend my time, but it’s much easier to do when you aren’t being pulled into distraction. It’s easy to focus with no resistance. It proves you mean it when you actively shut out the noise and drama when it comes knocking.
Today, I will be working on typing up some of my old journals. This is a project I’ve been trekking through for years. I’d like to get it done by the time I graduate. If I keep making progress (even a little) every day, it will eventually be done. I stopped journaling by hand a few years ago. Slow and steady.
@Mno I admire the way you’re navigating the goodbye with your long-time therapist. Keep feeling the feelings and navigating the grief. We’re here for you.
I’m probably not gonna raise hell in any moshpits anytime soon, but the pit injuries were beginning to take their toll anyway, and at MY AGE I need to be a bit more risk averse. 
Maybe too soon to tell. Shes coming again tonight for a 2nd training. Then she will be on her own for Sunday and Monday. Gratefuo to have some care anyway.