2767 days no alcohol
42 days no caffeine
Nothing to report. Therapy was exhausting but needed yesterday.
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2551
Back to work this morning. Looking at my schedule, Iām working a bit much this coming two weeks. I guess I planned it like this myself (we have some freedom in doing that). It will work out. Last week of the month Iāll have another week off. Thatās better.
Did a nice ride yesterday, had to find a bit of a slope (which is not easy around here) to try out if the adjustment to my derailleur worked out. Glad to say it did. Smooth as a babyās bottom. Happy with that. As Iām happy with the fact Iām sober and clean. Iāll make today as good a day as I possibly can, and hope you will all do the same. Much love from my ride.
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Checking in with 400 days sober. Have an addiction free 24 hours! ODAAT, no further stress.
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Day 1074
It will be three years later this month. Work is tiring but i think thats the nature of my job! When i retire in 5.5 years i want to find a 2 day a week easy post
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I agreed with you , the drinks were not planned I was convinced by my self that I would be ok and I was wrong , I had a serious case fear of missing out which is half my problem most of time .
It was too soon after my last relapse and I should have known better , Iām no where near ready for going out in that capacity.
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Day 3 Thinking about a meeting
I have a found a meeting I might go to, Iām really nervous about it.
Iām not confident about going to my 2 local meeting spots as I know a lot of people at them who are basically there and said they are there to feel better after a binge and to keep their contact for other substances ect between them I donāt think this would be helpful for me or my anxiety. I donāt want it broad casting to everyone that Iāve got a problem . Not yet anyway
Whatās peoples opinions online meetings ?
Or shall I bite the bullet just go and see how I feel afterwards maybe ?
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Hey Sarah, sorry about your relapse. I love that you you learn from it. The insights we get from a relapse can help us to do better next time. Keep on going, Iām cheering for you. Can you hear me? 
I like online meetings a lot. I think itās a great thing if we canāt or donāt want to go to a personal meeting. You can just give it a try.
There is a huge variety of online recovery meetings. AA, SMART Recovery or Dharma Recovery. And maybe even more.
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Checking in: day 80
My anxiety is so much better today (for now). I am glad I am doing this sober and not drinking to handle the nerves. I slept well, which I did not expect so thatās nice.
The urge to fall back on some of my other unwanted behaviour (like online shopping to cope with emotions and taking over-the-counter painkillers) is big and I did buy some e-books yesterday. But the painkiller thing is under control. When I am stressed I have the urge to take them just in case I might get a migraine or a fibro flare. I made it a DBT goal not to do this anymore and so far I dealing with it. Full disclosure: I was addicted to painkillers (codeĆÆne mostly) in the past.
Today is a raining day and that is actually nice. A perfect day for some coziness. Might make some soup for lunch. And I will work on my therapy homework. Also in the background I am still prepping but I think I am almost done.
Even though staying sober is hard work, I am so glad I made this step. I mentioned it to my mom yesterday and she told me she is so proud. That made me feel really good.
Stay safe and sober everyone 
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Thank you for all your support ā¦I definitely can hear you today , Iāve had a look and there are a few online meetings tonight so Iām going to check one out later.
I did so well with hitting 30 days then another 10 I just want it to stick . Iām so sick of falling for my own stupidity.
Il check in in after the meeting hopefully 
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Youāre not stupid, girl. Addiction is a progressive desease and gets worse. Itās not at all about being stupid, itās about learning and healing.
I am excited how you like the meeting, keep us posted!
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923 sugar
787 UPFs
Back to a half week of taking care of stuff. Actually just two days to be honest. Teaching today, errands, and a long bank holliday weekend. Feels like a week long Birthday Holliday.
Peace and love always 
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Day 204
Another morning at the hospital for my husbandās weekly check up. The doctor we saw on Friday insisted we came in today for a scan, couldnāt possibly wait until the normal Friday appointment. Turns out he never actually put it in the system, the staff are trying to sort one out. The nurses are great and I hate it that this particular doctor always drops them in it.
Very grateful that I can keeps on top of work from my phone and that my boss is so decent about it.
No cravings for a good few days now, long may it stay like this.
Have a great sober 24 everyone
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Hey all, checking in on day 2179. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Congratulations on the four years! Sorry you are sick, get well soon.. 
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Nice to hear from you. Sending strength and best wishes your way. Stay strong 
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- Cool number. Didnāt get the job, another long two weeks of nonstop preparation that came to little. The odds were stacked at getting it, but it is still very bitterly disappointing to get turfed out. Regardless, Iām here, Iām sober, Iām honouring the respect I have for my own sanity and welfare by staying on the right side of the path in my journey. Alcohol and substances are trash, lies and tools of avoidance. Nothing will change the fact that I didnāt get the job, certainly not getting fucked up and making things even worse. When you feel the self sabotage hitting, or the need to use, please sit yourself down and have a strong word. Hold space for your authentic feelings, FEEL Them, acknowledge them, be curious, sit in that deeply uncomfortable space but do it with love for yourself. You are your own safety! Donāt hide from reality, itās a con trick. The shit is still fucking there when you return, sick and tired and sad. You got this.
Happy Pride Month to my people!
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841
Winter is here and yesterday was crazy with howling winds. Was a struggle to sleep from all noise from the window frames shaking and other noise. Had an amazing weekend with the grankids over for the weekend.
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Yeah, just echoing @DanielaJ said: this is not stupidity. Was it maybe poor planning this time? Sure. But our brains lie to us relentlessly. Iām glad youāre still here and doing the work. An online meeting sounds like a great idea!
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Good morning guys. We go again! 
Day 86 AF.
Just a quick check in today. No cravings as such. Had a great sleep.
Keep it awesome and keep it sober/clean. You deserve it.
Happy pride month 
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One of the times in my drinking career that shook me up was when I had drank a six-pack and felt nothing. No effect. Later, in AA, I heard other people share about similar experiences, kind of like yours also.
When I had invested my time and money into drinking, as well as the little piece of my soul that was required each time I drank after I knew I was an alcoholic, and got no results, well that frightened and angered me.
The other piece of your share that hits me is the ācognitive dissonanceā that exists when I have an intention and then behave directly counter to that. This happens far less often in sobriety, but it still has an emotional flavor that I can easily recall.
Edit AF 7725, planning a nice long bike ride today, I have 11 days until my fundraiser 30 miler and I want a couple more long rides to prepare for that. I have attended AA meetings online on two days ago and in person yesterday, so I feel ok skipping today. But online in the evening is always an option.
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