Congrats on 600 days of sobriety, you’ve got this in the bag! Keep on keeping on.
Blessings and sobriety!
make of this what you will. I bought more beer today and yes I tried some but a voice in my head starting saying look at you and listen to you. The rest of the alcohol has now been poured down the toilet bc if I really had the power to do what I knew I wanted to do then doing that was my true thoughts, that’s what I wanted even more than the alcohol.
I battle on.
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Day 1
Had a pretty rough sleep last night. Might have something to do with the INSANE amounts of food I ate yesterday. I literally felt sick from overeating but I just wanted to eat. I barely ate during my relapse so I guess I justified it. Plus I dont usually dream/remember my dreams, but last night I dreamt of using. I used 3 diff substances in my dream (1 of them I have not used in real life). Kind of threw me off abit but I’m still clean and sober 
Going to do my morning readings with my coffee after I check in and then start cleaning the apartment. Also going to go through my rehab binder from years ago and see if theres anything in there that can help me this time around. Going to make today a positive and clean and sober today! Hope all of you are well 
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Thank you @Joy, @SoberWalker, @Misokatsu and @Dolse71 for all your love and support! This forum has been a life saver for me and I owe it all to you guys! Stay strong through these trying times! 
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Wow! Proud of you for tossing the rest out! You can do this! One step at a time
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It’s long but at least watch the first 15 mins, this made me pour alcohol down the loo.
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Look at you learning and growing @Dolse71. I’m so proud of you! That took some great strength to pour it out.
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it was a very out of the body experience. TBH.
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it’s all getting too much too often and I’m really having to dig deep. I was so strong for so long but I don’t know where it went. I’m doing my best.
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Excellent question. It hasn’t been mandated by the city/state to close all non essential businesses so they aren’t closing us yet. It’s business as usual. 
I suppose if it gets really bad panic wise for me I can tell them I can’t work anymore. I don’t know.
Can you maybe talk to your boss about your panic attacks and ask if you could make arrangements for remote work?
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I’m glad to see you keep hopping right back to it man. Thank you for the support and advice you have given me. You were up there in numbers so I can’t give much better advice then what you already know. But im glad to see you keep coming back, it certainly is tough expecially with all that’s going on in the world right now.
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You are doing your best and that’s all you can do. If you fall 10 times, make sure you get up 11 times. I’ll only get worried when you stop trying.
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if I had all the answers I wouldn’t be where I am now so at anytime you want to remind me of what I already know please don’t hold back bc I’ll take all the love or tough love I can get. It only gets boring listening when I’m not prepared to hear you and I’m all ears atm.
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I really wish I had awesome advice to give you, all I can say is look at where you were in you’re days of addiction, were you losing everything? We’re things and life falling apart? And then look at where you were in you’re sobriety, were things better? If not I’m sure they were getting better, and u were able to actually think and get through the hard times. If we stay on the addicted ways were only going to keep declineing and losing more and more, and well when were sober days don’t always seem great, but I bet were not losing the things that we were. I’m still so early in sobriety so shit i can’t say I won’t relapse again, bc I know it’s a huge possiblity. But I really hope I don’t, bc I’ve gained so much in these 44 days. Now you haven’t fallen back down into a deep dark relapse, so you can still pick up and get bad to the grind. Which I think you’re going to do anyway bc you show much strength in pouring that beer out. Hopefully this helped a lil
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If they get worse then I will definitely do that. For now it’s manageable. We don’t deal with the general public here at all. It’s just an office of about 45 people total. I’m just hoping and praying for the best.
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Doing your best is all you can do Paul. One day at a time. We’ll get through this. Just don’t give up. 
yeah your right the first time I knew all that 
. No seriously it’s appreciated bc yes no day is as bad as any drunk day I ever had, life was pretty much perfect for me for 4 months, happy, focused, alive, no stress or anxiety no random hungover days off work, confidence, the ability to love myself and others, I’ve got my family back and it’s a bonus but I’ve got more money for nice things and memories. So yes you have helped bc I need to remember what I got to lose bc I’ve definitely got nothing to gain. nuff said. cheers mate.
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Serenity prayer is in good use nowadays indeed… is your daughter at home now?
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can’t disagree with a word you say. You know how it is, all mind games I just gotta grab hold of and sort out the wheat from the corn. (old farmer saying).
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