Hi all. I have been struggling with masturbation and porn addiction since I was 10 years old. I am now 23 years old and still struggling from the same thing. Most people see me as the perfect Catholic girl but what they don’t know is I cry at night because I am ALWAYS tempted to do unholy things on my body. Sometimes I feel as though I have no control over it anymore. I don’t want to live a double life anymore. I am so tired of living this double life of looking well outside and then struggling whenever my head hits the pillow and my hands leave the Bible. I want to submit myself to Jesus 100%.
I cannot tell this to my friends because I am scared they will laugh at me. I can’t even tell this to my parents because that would be a crazy idea. I have no one to talk this to. I hope I can meet good people who have reached past this addiction stage.
I hope I meet good Samaritans in this app.
Thank you all for taking time to read.
Welcome @recovering_angel. Glad you’re here. I’m also a porn and masturbation addict. I can relate to the despair and frustration after acting out.
There are quite a number of us struggling with porn addiction here. But what makes this a great community is that everyone is so accepted. We may be addicted to different things, but it really is all the same disease. And we learn a lot from each other. Over 90% of what the alcoholics and drug addicts share are very applicable to me.
Thanks for joining. Let me know if you want me to share some ideas that might help.
I also am a lust and porn addict. I was also raised catholic and I encountered porn at a very young age. I’m now 35 and have over 20 years of active addiction under my belt. I identified that I had a problem with lust around 5 years ago when my marriage fell apart. Currently 317 days without acting out to porn. Thanks, in large part, to the accountability and community this place provides. Slowly working on dealing with mistakes I’ve made and still struggling with temptation on any given day but my head is clearer than it has been in 20 years.
There’s also 12-step programs and group work you can do in the real world if virtual accountability isn’t for you. SAA, SLAA, maybe even CODA might be available with meetings nearby.
If I had any advice for my younger self it would be to not wait until my life was crumbling before doing something about my issues with lust. There’s so many opportunities I missed out on because I was too wrapped up in my own head to see what I was missing. So much life experience passed me by. Problem was, I wasn’t willing to do whatever it took to live clean. I was too worried about the shame and the stigma. I didn’t want to admit there was a problem.
The world can be harsh without our fantasy land to escape to. Life can’t be lived pain-free. Learning healthier ways to cope gives me a reason to hold my head up every day.
Looking forward to seeing you progress and grow! Reach out if there’s anything we can help with.
Welcome @recovering_angel there are several of us on here recovering from the same addiction as you. @anon62920945 is one that I hope sees this thread, she’s very helpful to other women in particular and porn/sex addict on general.
I’m a lady sex and love addict. While I haven’t struggled with pornography addiction, several of my recovery partners are working through it.
I do SLAA, which is sex and love addicts anonymous. There’s also SA, SAA, SMART recovery, etc etc etc. The steps of slaa saved me, and I am at 433 days free from my bottom lines currently. I do my meetings on the phone. I’m always here for questions about differences between the fellowships and meetings.
I hear you about this being a difficult topic to talk about, and I’m so glad you’re here!
Hi MissJ! That’s so nice to hear you attend meetings like that. Unfortunately, I don’t have access to events like that because I live outside the US. I am from Manila, Philippines here in Asia.
Congratulations on 2 days!
While SLAA doesn’t have face to face meetings in the Philippines they do have online and phone meetings https://slaafws.org/meetings and I’ve found that a meeting is a meeting is a meeting.
Congrats on 2 days, @recovering_angel! I’m also a pornography addict. Please stick around and join in on the discussions. Addiction is very similar across the various drugs of choices. I’ve learned a lot from druggies and alcoholics here. We are like a big community of messed up people, learning and growing.
I’m also a very devout Christian. Something I wish I’d done early on in the addiction is to learn how to be honest and forthright with the right people. My spouse and ecclesiastical leader in particular. Another thing I’ve learned is that God loves you no less because of your sins, because Christ has already paid for them.
Rob, I have always been really intrigued by the connection between your addiction, your faith and the moral aspect behind it. I understand you’re LDS right?
I don’t mean to pry or ask you to bear detail - (im genuinely interested moreso from lack of understanding) - if you don’t want to, of course but how much…or to what extent, does your religious moral compass define your addiction? Does it affect your day to day life in the same way it would an atheist or is it many-fold more because its considered a sin in the eyes of God?
I don’t have a great understanding of lust based addictions but many people Ive met/spoken with about it also have the common thread of commitment to a belief.
Hey @recovering_angel, welcome to the community that can most definitely help you with this journey you’re starting.
While I cannot directly relate to the Christian perspective on purity and the specific sin many of the Christian members on here describe, I do relate on a biblical level from the Torah. Much of Jewish learning is grounded in the fact that it doesn’t come naturally to be a good person. One has to actively take steps (for me, mitzvot) to better ones self. And, this addiction to P/M has robbed me of my ability to invest myself in service to others (tzedakah).
P/M robs you of your ability to connect. It robs you of so much and it does so silently. I’m pursuing this task because I need to better serve my community and the individuals in it, not just act selfishly as an isolationist.
Anywho, regardless of our religious and cultural differences, I have to say that many of the individuals on here have fantastic tips and stories for us to learn from as we battle together.
If you’re looking for daily accountability, check out the daily check in thread on here. There are also a few other threads discussing P/M/lust addictions to check out.
Stay strong! It will only feel more difficult and that how you know you’re winning! I hope to see you around here often!
Thanks for asking! I am LDS, yeah. I think religion puts a lot of guilt into people when it comes to immorality. In my case, there was a ton of guilt for years. I feel like I’ve outgrown that guilt, knowing that an All-Knowing and All-Powerful Creator understands my flaws and just wants me to learn and grow from my mistakes. I wouldn’t say I’m like other Christian’s though who are constantly shouting that they are disappointing Jesus. No, he understands, because hes suffered for all my sins already.
Those with similar addictions to mine that are not religious though? I think there are many who eventually find themselves in a state where their seemingly harmless usage of pornography becomes so detrimental to their lives that they must find a way to change.
Hey! Glad you are here! I am also an addict to pornography and other sexual behaviors. I started somewhere near that age, as well, and was fully addicted without knowing it by the time junior high came along. Perhaps we are similar in this regard.
There are many others here, as well, who struggle with this (as you’ve already probably have noticed), so be sure to reach out and get involved in the forums. We are all on this journey together - learning and growing one day at a time. I have a feeling that we will overcome all of this in time!
Let us know if you have any questions or need anything
Hello, thanks for sharing. I’m really glad to meet you. There are so many here struggling with pornography as you do. I was actually about to sleep but I have come across your post. I was curious if there would be someone near of my own age here. And it is you. Yes, spiritually releasing can may help you. I am on the same stage with you like I can’t share this one with my friends even my sister who always support me . And it is not something you can bear on your own. And you did the first thing by coming here and posting here. Being a girl or boy cant change anything. The lust of pornography addiction affects the brain in the same way. You should find some things to occupy yourself with. As you said you are a christian girl, I am a muslim boy. And I experienced so much pain which pornography had caused. Like giving up on some worships for long times. Thinking that I am guilty and The god will never forgive my sins like that. But it is not true. The god is always merciful even if we make the biggest mistakes, the biggest sins. So hang on. Wish you the best of luck.
Sometimes I think sex problems are more destructive than alcohol.it seems to appear that the moral issue affects one deeper than the drink.in the big book it says to treat sex problems like any other problem,and pray and work with others.thats easier said than done.i believe we all share this common issue.at least,when we dont stuff the issue;its being worked on.thanks for being brave bringing up the problem.
