Both.
Avoid it until you are able to realise that it’s a choice that you are free to make.
No one has right to question your choice.
At first though, confidence can be low. So best to avoid.
Once you have some time and feel confident, you can go and you will find it easy. This will build even more confidence.
3 Likes
Thank you mate… Makes a lot of sense
2 Likes
It’s pretty easy to skip family Christmas when I wasn’t invited. My holidays are a good vision of a future for any alcoholic or addict who isn’t dedicated to sobriety. Once I got sober it was 18 months almost before I was invited for any holiday/birthday/wedding/etc.
7 Likes
Well, in the beginning I skipped anything that had alcohol…guess what…941 days later…this thread is the only mention of it. My world didnt end, and no one else’s ended. However, I am sober. For me, my sobriety was just that important.
7 Likes
Wake up early Christmas Day.
Go to the bathroom for a good poop. Bring a book.
Close the door and lock it.
Unlock door and step out on 2 January.
Problem solved. You made it.
You likely lost weight too. How many others will be able to say the same over Xmas/New Year?
Or, y’know… follow some other great advice offered so far.
Options. Always options
9 Likes
Would it? If alcohol is a problem for you, I would have thought it would feel more wrong to drag everyone along to the start of a relapse cycle and have them deal with the fallout of wherever that leads!
It is a while off, who knows what will happen. But there are lots of threads on here re handling social events, e.g. Advice for holidays, parties, weddings, etc
If it is social family gatherings, then go early, leave early. Spend time with the kids, have fun and be silly. Be the designated driver. Or drop the family off and make your excuses if you can’t trust yourself.
Try not to get too hung up on it, see how you feel at the time.
2 Likes
That is such a good way of putting it!
For people who don’t have a problem with alcohol, the spending time together is the activity.
I have been speaking to a few friends about this recently, how when you have a problem with a substance, getting wasted becomes the activity and it is hard to understand how any situation can be social without it. Once the substance abuse is out of your life, you don’t understand how any situation could be social with it, it just takes away from all of the nice stuff.
2 Likes
Also this!
We tend to put so much pressure on one tiny point in time, expecting that will be how it is forever. What’s one Christmas? A week, a month, even a year? In the grand scheme of life, the universe and everything… It’s nothing.
If skipping one Christmas (insert any other event/ occasion) means you can enjoy however many more you’ve got ahead of you, means you can be the parent, friend or family member you want to be for the rest of your life… Surely it’s worth it 
3 Likes
This is my third Christmas. The last two have just flown by.
1 Like
A man after my own heart. Who needs the holidays. Over marketed hype that they are! 
1 Like
I went to the story of the first Christmas, and can’t find the part where Mary and Joseph headed into the inn, and got trashed, or the Magi showing up with beer, wine, and bourbon.
My soberversary is December 3. I was 3 weeks sober when Christmas rolled in. We had Christmas same as every year. My wife and in-laws had some wine. I drank POM pomegranate juice and sparkling cider with my daughter. It was nice, because I had no regrets, and gave myself the gift of sobriety.
5 Likes
I ruined so many Christmas Days by going out Christmas Eve and staying out til 4am or something stupid.
Still not a massive fan of Christmas but much nicer after a proper night’s sleep and no hangover!
4 Likes
One of the things that made that first sober Christmas so special was frequently coming here Christmas eve and day, seeing all the support and Goodwill being shared. Was a blessing to behold.
4 Likes
Christmas 
It’s only October !!
But I did see my first Christmas commercial yesterday. I couldn’t believe it. It was Christmas for the Arizona Lottery and a guy in front of a Christmas tree. 
I’m going to decorate and cook my ass off for Christmas. For me and wifey. And be here on TS wishing you all a merry Christmas. This will be my first sober Christmas too. We don’t have the big family gatherings anymore. All the family is dead now. Just me and wifey and our 3 kids and spouses who won’t be anywhere near us for Christmas or any other day for that matter. So in that regards it should be easier.
But you know. I usually drank every day of the year.
Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Tuesday’s. Saturday’s. I don’t think it’s going to be any different. I hope I’m right.
Maybe I’ll make it through my favorite Christmas movies this year without passing out 
But I do get family gatherings can be tough. But just going to a restaurant with a great wine list and a good cocktail list can be tough too.
Looking forward to everyone’s help and support during the Holidays.
6 Likes
Thanks to you all for sharing your thoughts on this… I’ll take away some good relevant bits and use them for sure.
I’ll be sure to come here if I’m struggling at all.
3 Likes
I’ve found that coming here and going to AA regularly, especially when things are going well is really beneficial. Sometimes when shit gets rough reaching out for help is hard. However, if you have created good habits by reaching out all the time it makes doing it during rough times much easier.
As my sponsor says calling drunks and going to meetings regularly is just practice for game time. Nowadays if shit goes wrong my instincts will take me somewhere recovery related. As a drunk, or even white-knuckling abstainer, my first instinct was to reach for a bottle.
5 Likes
I adore Christmas and the holidays. It’s what you make it. If you are choosing to be sober and you are committed, then dont drink. You will be preoccupied with your family and enjoying the day and listening and having fun and playing or doing what ever it is that Christmas is to you… If it once was drinking, as it is for the majority of the world, just decide that it’s not going to be for you this yr. Be happy that you have folk around you that are enjoying them self. Dont think to much Into it… And, ITS ONLY OCTOBER. We are currently in fall /Halloween season!!! Enjoy Halloween first!!! Don’t think about Christmas yet. Enjoy the now first. Sober of course 
2 Likes
I bet you $10 you can!
You’re right, simple answer don’t drink and you will be sober. If you made it one day, you can make it two and if you can make it two then to drink or not is a choice that you and you alone can make. If you don’t want to drink, then don’t. Sure, it may be tough. It may be uncomfortable, and it may be awkward, but then again, it might not be any of those things. And if it is uncomfortable and awkward, so what? It’s certainly not going to kill you, and if that feeling of awkwardness is the worst thing that happens to you that day, well then, you’re luckier then most.
To survive the holidays sober, don’t drink, embrace sobriety, HALT, and leave early (unless a gathering is at your place, then in that case fake a fire alarm and make everyone leave).
Wish you and everyone well this holiday season in these trying times.
6 Likes
What a wonderful idea!
I used to develop a peculiar habit back in my days as a student: I just left my own party, heading to my sleeping room and went to sleep 
I still do that. Guests know that the last one turns off the lights (and MUST feed the cats). Works perfect for me, as I normally go to bed early and need my 8 hours sleep. Otherwise I’m a showered gremlin the next day. And it worked for drunkMe and soberMe equally 
1 Like
At the best of times, I really hate Christmas (not the religious holiday, obviously) and New years and (a short time later) my birthday. It’s an awful time of year for me… not so much for the drinking (and trying not to), but more for the crushing depression that the holidays always bring.
This year - fortunately, in some ways - I won’t be able to go back to Canada because of the whole Covid thing. So I will be spared having to see all of my brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews with their respective boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives… and then there’s me, the failure of the family.
As such, I will be spending Christmas and New Years and my birthday in the same manner that I spend almost every other day of the year.
Alone.
3 Likes