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[Mulchy13]

Alright! Here I am.

I am 7 years sober from alchohol in December. I decided yesterday that I was going to sign up to somewhere like this. A lot of hard work has rendered me feeling like I am ‘very safe in my sobriety’. I felt like chances of relapse get less each day, until recently. I feel like I have reached a realisation of a point where I feel so safe, that it makes me wonder, at what point could come complacency. When could that knock on my door? When could it render me moving back towards the more vulnerable edge of the scale.

So upon that realisation, I decided that I would shore up my defences, and start to do some ‘service’ work. Service work, I believe may help me just as much as I hope it may help someone else. It’s a bi-directional process right?

I’m not sure what I can offer. Perhaps my offerings might not be so compatible, but i’d like to think that sharing some wisdom about my journey at times, may pique someones interest and influence them to make a good decision somehow. Surely, I have to think that!

I have done pretty much f**k all service in my 6 and a bit years of sobriety. I want to give back somehow, to the ‘community’. At the beginning, AA helped me out massively I believe. And then because of a number of reasons that would be explanations and not excuses, I stopped going, and I don’t think i’ve been for 4 years. I WAS living in Iceland for the majority of my sobriety. Iceland was a solace that i’m sure helped my sobriety massively, though the AA meetings in Icelandic in the small fishing town I lived in, didn’t lure me in. Again, an explanation, and not an excuse. I could have learnt more icelandic when I was there, or even sought meetings online (especially over covid).

So now comes a change for me. I will see how I can positively affect my own defences with regards to relapsing, build an attack towards taking on life, and start coming to places like this, and go backt o weekly meetings again. I will go to a meeting tomorrow night! I will let you know how it goes.

There is s much more to my story, though I will only share this for now, and only divulge as i go.

I send my bestest and warmest wishes to you all. I sincerely do. No matter who you are. I like to think I can be as non-judgemental, open minded and as potentially helpful as anyone, so please, I am here if you fancy a chat. About anything!

Big Love to all!

Tom

[JasonFisher]

I think it’s wise to never let your guard down.

When I was 6-8 years sober much of that time I felt like I would never drink again.

I ended up drinking at 9 years 10 months. It became an 8 year long relapse. It was way harder to get sober again than I ever imagined it would be.

Being of service to others, I have realized is the best medicine to treat my alcoholism. Helping others helps me.

Welcome!

[EisEDev]

Good on you.
I made it 3 years once and went backwards real quick after drink number one. It’s always " just for today"

[Mulchy13]

This has really hit me, Jason. Thank you so much for sharing for this. It’s sometimes very hard to take heed of advice from someone, warning you of the potential pitfalls at a time when you can not relate to the experience as fully as you’d like - But I will very much bear this in mind. And I think this has made me even more determined to give some service. All that I can. And also to meditate on the potential pitfalls ahead of me.

Thanks for the welcome, and it’s really great to meet you. Speak soon again I hope

[Mulchy13]

“Just for today” - I have been researching some more about this powerful concept. I had forgotten a lot about it. I found the following blog post, that was really nice to read;

The Wisdom in Just for Today

Thank you so much for commenting @EisEDev . Speak again soon, I hope

[Ray_M_C_Laren]

Nice to meet you .meetings will make it easier and im glad you decided to go back . here in Scotland there are hundreds of meetings starting to open up again ,Iceland is a place ive always wanted to visit now im retired this will be on my bucket list wish you well

[Misokatsu]

I also live abroad and wondered about how to do ‘service’ once my sobriety felt a little more secure and I was able to offer help rather than need it. Supporting on here was and is definitely a good way to do service. You could also become a regular on an online meeting and provide support there. There are still online meetings and I think there always will be now. I have never been to a physical meeting actually. I look forward to seeing more from you.

[Becsta]

Hi Tom,

I was going to reply again on the daily check in thread but have put it on this thread instead so that I don’t clog that one up (hope that makes sense).

I’m relieved my reply struck a cord because personally, the idea of complacency and hearing that little voice after ‘x’ amount of years worries me alot!

For me, your comments that I’ve copied below, need a big, loud, red flashing ‘warning’ siren attached to them -

…“i fear it may be getting louder”

“I recently noticed I was fabricating excuses as to why it might be a good idea to try to moderate”

“If i relapsed, I would be only drinking for a week max before I’d be back ‘good’ again”

The justifications we can conjure up, to reason ourselves into drinking again, can appear to be completely logical to downright absurd. I hope you don’t mind, but your best idea about moderating made me burst out laughing. Just the insanity of how our mind tries to trick us!!!

Something I like to remind myself of, is that this ‘little voice’ is not our friend. It pretends to be. It does not want what is best for us. It seeks to destroy and take away everything from us. It is not happy when we are happy, it is triumphant when we are broken. And that is not a friend.

It’s great to see that you have awareness though!!! The awareness to question your thoughts, the awareness not to ignore your concerns and the awareness to be proactive and do something about it.

The first time I got sober I didn’t believe I had to work my recovery. Once I felt ‘safe’ I didn’t follow any program or stay connected to others in recovery.

That was my biggest mistake.

Amongst other benefits, working on my sobriety prevents complacency. Hearing newcomers share at meetings never gets old. I need to hear their stories. I need them, to remind me of why I quit drinking - take the rose tinted glasses off and remember just how awful my life was when I first came into the rooms - of why I should be so grateful to be where I am today and to always protect it.

I hope the meeting goes well tomorrow night, please keep us posted

[Mulchy13]

Hi Ray! Great to hear from you. Thanks for the encouragement. By the sounds of it, You will love Iceland. It’s like the scottish highlands, everywhere, but also more dramatic in parts and so much untouched. They have their own highlands, which is in the centre. Uninhabited because its pretty much tundra in the winter. There’s a glacier there too. I am still hyet to visit scotlands highlands, but i can’t wait to go. It will offr something completley different i think. BUt yes, if you ever go to iceland, please e-mail me and I can maybe help you out with some reccomendations. Make a note of this thomas.mulchinock@mail.com

I may also be living there then, and can grab a coffee. Thanks again, and take care of yourself.

Tom

[Mulchy13]

Where are you living abroad, may i ask? Perhaps they have english speaking meetings? they did for me in Iceland, but it was a 5 hour drive! eek , but now im back in the uk for the next couple of years so will turning up for physicals every week i hope. I will also look into online meetings though! absolutely. And I have set up a habit reminder to come on here each morning to make at least one post. Should become habit and less ‘work’ quickly, hopefully. Sounds crude to say ‘work’ but i think many here should know what i mean. It can be testing. There’s a lot of fear surrounding this kind of thing, but I am excited to be here and I hope to stay! I look forward to seeing more of you too! have a lovely day, please

[Misokatsu]

I am in Japan. There is one physical AA English speaking meeting in the whole prefecture, it would take me an hour to get there, maybe a little less. But they do a concurrent zoom meeting that I attend, and take turns to chair.

[Mulchy13]

Hi becsta! I completely get you putting this reply here, and tbh, I’m pleased. Thank you!

You said ‘I hope you don’t mind’, before making a comment. I think you said it tongue in cheek anyway, but Please – as we go forward! Never hold back with anything. You can laugh all you want at anything, and be as assertive as you wish, because I already know where your intentions lie, and I think understanding intentions helps us to translate things so much betterer eh? : P

Thank you so much for your considered reply. I have drunk it up nicely this morning. A liquid dose of Becsta’s wisdom and care, with a strong side dose of tesco’s value instant coffee.

Well, coming here as already been better than I thought it would be. To help me, I have a habit tracker for certain things, and I have added ‘to go to Talking Sober each morning aand send at least one message’ to the daily routine’. You know how it is, perhaps? Cementing habits that are awesome for us, when there is certain resistance that come about for so many reasons. I can be quite lazy, and I think I have become very lazy recently. Lazy is a harsh word, but it IS a laziness. I have become fearful of doing ‘much’. So I’m trying to become ‘proactive’, as you alluded to. I have invested in counselling too. I am on my third session tomorrow night. I was due to be at a meeting tonight, but I remembered that I had organised to speak to a friend at the same time, so I’ll go to this one, next Monday, but will try to fit in an online meeting this week. I will work out how to do that today.

I WILL keep you posted. It will be a beautiful thing if I come here regularly. I can feel it very strongly.

Perhaps I have nipped something in the bud, here.

Thank you for being influential Becsta. And thank you to whoever also is reading this, for being here to read this today.

Have a great day and speak soon.

Tom

PS. (I can’t, and shouldn’t wish to moderate)

[Becsta]

I’m glad my reply was well received and that you understand my intentions, as they definetley come from a good place.
It sounds like you have some great plans in place and are already putting them into action
Look forward to ‘seeing’ you around on the forum, have a wonderful day!

[Twizzlers]

This sounds like a great idea, and congratulations on your 7 years.

From experience for myself, i quit for 8 yrs, bymyself didnt go to AA didnt join a group or community and one day i thought it was ok to have one drink,

“I cant be an alcoholic if i can stop like this and be ok”

Built a nice life up in that 8 years.
Forgot about the reasons i stopped. I took that one drink and within weeks i was back to like i was all those 8 years ago.

My relapse lasted 2 years until 249 days ago.

Your plan sounds good, i can only wish i thought like you at that moment when i started telling myself il be ok. Your plan sounds great.

There is always something we get out of helping others and for me everytime i listen to a meeting or read here i always get something that helps toward my sobriety or to help me through that dark day or for me to help another.
So id say definitely go for it, also with that amount of sober time you will have alot to share and give even if you dont realise, the smallest thing you help with will save someone, help them get through out of the dark.

Have a lovely day, but definitely go for it. I learnt the hard way. But i am glad to even have seen this thread as it shows me and helps me on my journey to remember i cant get comfortable and make the same mistake. If i do find iv parted from the community that i need to get back into it. So thank you for giving me something to realise.

[Twizzlers]

@JasonFisher

It was way harder to get sober again than I ever imagined it would be.

It was the same for me, i realised i couldnt do it by myself, i lived on the 24hr zoom meeting day and night and i joined here, it wasnt just about having the support from the community it was also about opening up for me, i wonder now if i got through 8 years with no help because of shame and to hide it.

But in glad im here now and glad i reached out accepting help and freely speaking about what i thought was the worst part of myself because this time wasnt easy, i knew i was not going to get 8 days let alone 8 years on my own this time round.
Your post i relate to. Thank you.

[Twizzlers]

On zoom this is the code for the 24 hour AA meeting

2923712604

You can just listen in with your camera and audio off no one will know your there or if you want to share theres a button to raise your hand i lived on this this time around becoming sober.

There are so many, on the AA website.

Also there is an app called ‘in the rooms’ lots of people use, im not too familiar with it.
There are threads on her if you use the search bar with lots of links a d help with online meetings.

[EisEDev]

@Mulchy13

mean. It can be testing. There’s a lot of fear surrounding this kind of thing, but I am excited to be here and I hope to stay! I look forward to seeing more of you too! have a lovely day, please

Nicely said Becsta.
This forum is helping me.
True about hearing newcomers stories. I’m determined not to re set the sober count on this app.
Yesterday I did some physical work and I had to go to a shopping centre afterwards. As I drove past the bottle store I had frequented to knumb out the pain and have that "well deserved " drink ( ha ha drink… drinks) I purposely did not even look at the place. Today I did physical work again and I am parked up ready to play tennis this evening. I might be sore tomorrow and might regret it but not as much as if I’d drank Yesterday, struggled through today and was now hungover dehydrated and ready to sleep it off.

[Mulchy13]

Thank you very much Twizzle. This has been really refreshing and surprising to see that my post offered something like that. I guess it should be a topic that get’s uttered fairly often. I think there is a lot of very sad stories i believe, about people who have struggled 5-10 years into their sobriety. It’s bloody hard work, and there are plenty of adversities that are placed a long the way, pertaining to shame and guilt and just general self esteem issues perhaps, that can present themselves spontaneously and potentially catch you unaware. It’s important to be mindful of complacency i guess. Taking the foot off the gas with trying to keep self aware, I guess can be the downfall of many in our situation. They will be either drinking again, or perhaps just living miserably. I have been doing the latter at times, and is one of the main reasons why I’m here, right now, talking to you.

Since I posted, It has been in the forefront of my mind. I’m glad I came here. I think it will help cement this for me. This keeping an eye. This keeping it simple at times. This all plays towards the old ‘just for today’, or ‘one day at a time’.

I don’t want to forget my roots. How it felt to walk into a room of alcoholics for the first time. To feel like it’s not as dark as I had thought. That there was light, and it came by conversing and just hanging out with likeminded people. Being understood, and often feeling like you would never be judged, which leads to candid conversation, which of course helps.

Anyway, I’m babbling. Thank you @Twizzlers . I look forward to chatting with you hopefully : )