While at a large family Christmas party I opened a gift to find a bottle of wine. My alcoholism is not talked about in our family circle. Nor do I talk about theirs either. A lot of eyes were on me when I pulled out that bottle and I saw that some folks were looking uncomfortable. So I doubled down.
I held the bottle up and loudly said thank you. Causing more eyes to look upon my gift and I said thank you very much to the giver. I said thank you once again but jokingly pointed out what a cruel mother fucker he was for giving it.
Some people laughed out loud, and some smiled, some didnāt care. Most importantly I was able to laugh it off. The situation was almost joyful as I acknowledged my alcoholism and others did to by laughing along.
Humor, for me, is a key part of my sobriety. It deflects people and repugnant ideas and it also includes people and allows me to accept what I once thought were repugnant ideas.
I have a clear understanding of what I think is offensive but I donāt know what you think it is. Never thought a rape joke was funny nor do I think someone crying over what someone said was funny either.
When this forum started there werenāt as many flags flying and posts didnāt seem to get deleted, or moved and surprisingly people got sober.
Given the contrast to todayās TS how we managed to get and maintain sobriety is shocking back in the old days of TS.
So hereās to another day or hour of sobriety Citizens.
I donāt know how people should feel but a open discussion and a good exchange of ideas might serve as a blessing rather than a curse rather than a trip to someoneās trash barrel.
Right on. Canāt take yourself too seriously. No one wants to be around someone whoās gotten sober and acts all high and mighty about it, or just refuses to be around alcohol all together. itās hard to in America anyways.
I think its healthy (to some extent anyway) to look back on your days of drinking or getting high or whatever and be able to laugh. Like Craig Ferguson or Robin Williams talking about their drinking days. They both knew they were fuck ups but could still look back and laugh about it.
Being conscious of peopleās ātriggersā for drinking is important I get it, but by holding back I feel like your almost doing people more harm. If you canāt read a post about someone getting drunk or sniffing dope and having a great time while theyāre doing it, without relapsing, then you probably have some inner peace type shit you gotta work out on your own.
Also, I donāt know what the fuck Iām even talking about my moral compass is all screwy
I was once told early in sobriety that I was going to relapse. I blamed that guy for saying that. It took some time for me to accept that no matter what someone says or does will not cause me to go back out again. That is only my decision.
This, every day.
Unfortunately we live in a world where what we want is not going to happen. Simples.
To get on with our lifeās we need to except that sometimes things are going to happen or people are going to say things that upset us. Get over it. It makes life so much easier.
Itās going to be a long boring life if you canāt do something you want to do for fear of seeing someone or something that is going to ātriggerā you.
Our problems are on us, not society.
Get on with yer life and laugh at the asshats! Thatās what I say. Lifeās to short to worry about upsetting someone.
Body dysmorphia, eating disorder, alcoholism. We have it all in the family. Jokes are sometimes a salve to conversation and understanding. Thatās within my own family. It lessens the blow of what one member is growing through.
A little background infoā¦ there were maybe 20 frequent posters and 2,000 members when I first joined. Now there are about 20,000 members and roughly 300 daily involved users. Also, December has seen a high number of flags. In reviewing them, a great many are from new people just learning the look and feel and tone of the forum. This will likely increase as dry January/ resolutions come to pass.
All that said, we all bring our different life experience to the forum and that is a huge plus. While you may not find rape jokes humorous, others have. I donāt find jokes about hoās and bitches and sucking dick for drugs humorous YMMV. We all see things from our own perspective and life experience. I also do not find humor in jokes about abuse or gun culture. Others find no humor in panniculasā¦while you do. Again, different life experience. Some people love fart jokes and poop humor (my 5 year old grandson is one!!), not so much for me.
I donāt take any offense in friends giving me booze stillā¦they donāt know what they donāt know. If I havenāt been clear with them or they are too dense to remember, that is okay.
I laugh off a lot. I donāt laugh off when someone comes to me and is hurt by something they read here. For example todayā¦the post in Crushes thread and the woman who kidnapped tortured and murdered kidsā¦it clearly struck a chord with some folks in the UK who privately messaged me upset. So, I deleted the photo out of respect for what I can only assume was a particularly grisly crime in the UK and trauma inducing for some people. Obviously not for the one who posted it. I stand by that. More than 1 or 2 people contacting me and I will do my best to help them. You may have decided differently.
While some people see this as a we are too sensitive issue, I see it as others are not sensitive enough. In the not distant past it was common place to laugh at and make fun of those with mental challenges. I remember the teacher across the hall who had the āspecial educationā kids (as ātheyā were called back then) making fun of their physical and mental challenges, it was common place and accepted. Once we know better, we do better. One can hope anyway.
And I also try to remember how jumpy and easily freaked out I was in early sobrietyā¦like I was coming out of my skin and it was thin thin skin. You see that a lot here as well.
In any event, it is a timely topic. I know many folks have a hard time with the fast paced societal changes we are all experiencing. So it is good to discuss.
A possible exchange of ideas out in the open maybe in order then. I love fart jokes still find them funny your Grandson will probably never lose his enjoyment of them either. To clarify panniculus is a anatomical term not even sure you would classify it as a malady. The joke was on the term not the condition. To me itās as silly as sober selfies when someone has two weeks and a photo shopped pic it always makes me laugh just a bit.
Oh, I forgot to address the part about moving posts. I like a tidier ship than other mods, so yes, I do feel free to follow the rules of not derailing conversations and move them. I havenāt done it much, but obviously it bothered you.
People delete a TON of posts. They ask us to delete posts. They flag their own posts for deletion (kids, donāt do that, flags are bad, do not flag yourself), they leave and want thousands and thousands of posts deleted. And people routinely post zingers or questionably tasteless comments or just plain rude and offensive comments and then think the better or get flagged and delete them. There is a whole hell of a lot of deleting that goes on by members. I rarely delete a flagged post, I generally just hide them. Today I deleted it, as it was obviously upsetting to the people who private messaged me.
So, just wanted to reply to your other comments about how the forum is now. FWIW I spoke with BillP frequently about the changes in the forum āback in the dayā so I feel you there. Changeā¦one of the only constants in life.