I have finally hit rock bottom. I’ve been a “high functioning” cocaine addict for 15 months with on and off clean time periods.
I started my relapse three weeks ago and ended up in the emergency room on Saturday night. I stopped seeing my therapist and working my recovery plan because I got too confident with my clean time and thought I had things under control. Clearly that is not the case. Anyone else battling a cocaine addiction?
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Yep. I’m battling cocaine and alcohol addiction. I know how you feel. Im one week back after a relapse. I was with someone i shouldn’t have been with, and was offered a line. Couldnt say no of course, which led to an all nighter. I try to think back on all the anxiety and hungover feelings i felt from cocaine. Keeps me from seeking it out at least. Its tough, but you learn you have to stay away from certain people and places.
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At meetings we talk about how we remember the good times we had we’ll using and this makes us think it will be okay and fun to do it again… But remember we have to play the tape all the way through remember all of the pain, suffering and misery we went through to. Like @Rach2 said she is recalling all the bad that came after the good this is a great way to stay sober. We want to be sober because we were people who couldn’t look themselves in the eyes. Now I go to the mirror and for the first time in my life I can say “I love you eric, I’m proud of the person you are today” I wouldn’t trade that feeling for any high or drunk. We stay sober.
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That’s helpful. There haven’t been any fun times with cocaine for me for awhile. I just kept chasing something that no longer exists. My overdose and the pain I’m still feeling physically today (not to mention the emotional pain I’ve caused those that love me) is a strong deterrent. I feel so ashamed. I saw my therapist this evening and he recommended I start going to a support group in addition to my weekly sessions. I am hoping to get back to the gym soon. What other things work for your recovery plan? @Rach2 @ebe1234
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The most important thing I found to help in my recovery is making sure I live by the principals that I believe in. Like being honest is a big one for me I don’t tell lies anymore especially to myself. Acceptance is another big one for me knowing the person I was isn’t the person I am today. I don’t want my past to become my future. Anytime I can help someone I do it I always try to do the next right thing. this can be as simple as holding the door for someone. The one thing we have control over is how we view the world around us anytime I find myself getting upset with something I think of things to be grateful for. Refelct on your day is helpful list out what you did right today for self how did you show yourself love? What did it look like? How did you help someone today? We’re you kind, respectful and empathetic towards people? Who did you say I love you to? ( This can be to someone or yourself it’s very important you tell yourself you love you). These sorts of things provide me proof for the person I know I am not the person I was. Support groups are incredibly important to me AA has saved my life has given me a path to follow to make spiritual progress. All of this is of course a suggestion what works for me can be different for you. Take what makes sense to you and leave what doesn’t from me or anyone that helps you. Your here to pick the flowers not the weed. And always always remember We stay sober. @CFL
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I have been using cocaine for over10 years. I haven’t done it since last Thursday but this past Friday I decided to take some Molly. I did not sleep for 2 days and the come down was unbelievable! That’s when I decided to get clean. This is not the first time. This is one of many.
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We can both make this our last time!
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Most definitely!
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I’ll be at Day 4 in 2 hrs. Day 4-6 is always where I struggle. How are you doing?
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I’m doing better. Decided to go over to a friend’s house. He doesn’t do powder so I’m safe.
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That’s great news that you are safe for today too. Let’s check in tomorrow?
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And I’m back to day one.
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@Jazzie. There is only one day, that’s today. Come tomorrow the same and the next to follow. One day exists that’s one you live in now. You come to read this and you will find a new strength, the one that’s always been their. You have proven that you have courage which is why your here admitting to others of your weaknesses. This is the strength. This fight is the only one ever worth doing. Each day is our battle each one is our chance for victory over the greatest enemy we have ever faced… Ourselves. Conquering ourselves is to conquer the world. Fight for today so you can live tomorrow. Keep doing this over and over again and you will live the life that you’ve always wanted. Nothing worth doing is ever easy. We have faith in you and remember you have today to love yourself. ----We stay sober.
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Yes!!! I can relate all too well…Cociane is my drug of choice, I been clean for almost 6 months now, I owe it all to the rooms and my sponsor…To be quite honest, even though I’m also an alcoholic I can now be around alcohol with no problem these days, but if there was a line in front of my I can’t honestly say I’m strong enough to walk away from it yet…So I hear you, and completely understand…Even though cocaine and alcohol are the Great Erasers, they both still find there way on my mind, mental attempting to scheme a plan of how I can get the next hit without anyone knowing…But I have to snap out of it because I don’t want to get back to my bottom, which would be absolutely inevitable… Good luck on your journey to sobriety!
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Love this so much. Great way of putting it!!! Live for this very moment! This day!!! Thats always the best thing about recovery is appreciating life again and really having strength to fight this everyday!
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Very emotional and motivating read. Thank you!
Your an inspiration to all of us! We do this together I can only keep what I have if I give it away. We stay sober.
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I was too embarrassed to say it before but I cried as I read your message. I was touched in the deepest way! Thank You!
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I’m going through the same struggle. On day 3 here. I’m also on antidepressants for anxiety, so coke really messes with my head for days after. Exhaustion, depression, even suicidal thoughts. We can do this though! Just keep focussing on moving forward and be kind to yourself if you slip up.
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How are you doing Jazzie?
You can do this! I’ve been back to day one a lot of times. I’m on day 8 today but I have really been struggling since day 4. The usual time when I use again.
I have been telling myself to just wait until tomorrow. If I still want it then I will get it. Then I tell myself the same thing the next day.
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