Comparison is not your friend

[Runningfree]

Yesterday on the fitness thread we were talking about comparison and it got me thinking about it in relation to sobriety. One of my favorite sayings is “ Comparison is the thief of joy” A trainer told me this when I could barely finish a workout she beasted through. When I started my fitness journey lots of people were better than me and I struggled so hard but now 5 years later I’m training for my second half marathon.
To me, it’s somewhat like our sobriety journey. Everyones is different. Each path may curve a bit here or there but your journey is your own. Sometimes I look at people with years under their belt with jealousy but quickly have to remind myself that one day I to will have years.
I know we have song threads but I’d like to add a song and if you feel down or like you may relapse give it a listen and fight another day because that’s all we can do. One day at a time

Disturbed - A Reason To Fight Lyrics

[Becsta]

Such true words Jen great song too

[Lisa07]

Great post Jen. I continously struggle with comparing myself to others in all aspects of my life (career, talent, appearance, sobriety etc).
Love that song! Glad you posted it here as I don’t get on the music threads often.

[Runningfree]

@Lisa07

all aspects of my life

That’s still a work in progress for me as well. Especially appearance. I’m glad my thoughts helped

@Lorelai it took me 4 years to love running. Lol literally 4 years!! When I started I could barely make 30 seconds or a minute and I hated it. I don’t know why but I kept doing it Now I love it and it’s such a good time for me to just be in the moment.

[Butterflymoonwoman]

Fabulous words of advice! I have such a bad habit of comparing myself to others. Especially a friend of mine in particular. I also compare myself now to me back then (this has to do with fitness and my eating habits which were sooo much better back then). But I try to work on it. Everyone of us has a journey that is uniquely ours and if we out in the work, we can get to our goals and dreams I feel

[Matt]

This is so true Jenn and is a shining example of your earnest and caring and compassionate heart. Thank you for sharing your insight - you’ve given word to an experience so many of us need to understand.

[Nordique]

I love this! Thanks for sharing Jenn

[Gorden]

@Runningfree

Now I love it and it’s such a good time for me to just be in the moment.

This is me, too. I love the clarity of thought while I’m running. I have sorted through some major problems while running. One of the few times I can actually focus. It’s amazing. I am no good at it but I can grind through lots of miles and it makes me happy. Comparison… I used to be pretty embarrassed about my times in races but I don’t care too much anymore. I’m out there for me. I get choked up at some point during every marathon I do. Sometimes tears are rolling. Good thing I have sunglasses on! It’s not from the pain (which is bad!) but because I end up thinking about my boys and my mom and how much they mean to me. It’s also one of the few times I let myself feel really happy with myself. Like, did I actually just run for 4 1/2 hours!!! (Or 5 or 6, depending how bad I break down!) Running has a way of reducing things to their simplest terms. I love it!

[rjp001]

Trying to follow the 12 steps really helps the soul

[Runningfree]

@Gorden Yes- race comparison is so hard for me. I have to remind myself the people out running 6-8 minute miles have probably been doing it for a long time or didn’t smoke for 20 years. I’ve only been doing it for 4 years and am 3 and a half cig free.

I’m really happy my thoughts made some people think or maybe helped you feel less alone.

[SassyRocks]

The first time I spectated at a triathlon, I had a huge aha moment seeing the bodies of all shapes and forms. It was similar to the aha moments of going to nude beaches…bodies are bodies…and come in all shapes and forms, ages, scars, etc. Nothing like a nude beach to help with body comparisons and body image. The reality of the human body spectrum is very different than what we perceive and certainly different than what the US culture holds as ‘ideal’ in this point of time. This hasn’t stopped me from having a negative body image, but it definitely helps keep me more in reality regarding physical form.

As a runner, I also struggle with comparison…I don’t run fast…people can generally walk fast beside me…nor do I ‘look’ the part…but running frees my mind and also my heart and I enjoy it so. I definitely can get caught up in envy/comparison to friends who run more often, further, faster, etc.

I try to remind myself I run for my mental and physical health and because I love how it feels. I am a runner whether I compete, go fast, do a xyz minute mile or whatever. If you lace up, you are a runner.

I was brought up in a competitive environment, my Dad is a coach, my brothers all distance runners and basketball players. I came to running in my late 40s when I quit smoking. I am super proud I am still running.

My body issues also still plague me via comparison. My Mom at 85 still talks about her weight, what she eats and how fat she is. I have been actively working for years to make peace with my physical body, my food choices, the aging process. Work in progress for sure.

I am finding many books helpful The Body Is Not an Apology is one and these others…

Thanks for starting the thread. Comparison can definitely suck the joy out of so much in life. I remember being gobsmacked by the number of days, weeks, months and years of sobriety that people had here when I first arrived. It seemed impossible that I would ever have more than a few weeks.

What we do each day, little by little, it can change our lives in infinite ways. May we stay present in the moment and enjoy the ride when possible.

[SassyRocks]

And congrats on your 3.5 years cigarette free!! It is a tough one to break!!!

[Runningfree]

Thank you for the book picture! I love a good book

[Gorden]

Oh my you just reminded me… I used to suck down a cigarette as soon as I finished a run. I would be thinking about it during the run and it would motivate me to finish. Or smoking in the car on the way to my first half marathon! I just can’t even imagine doing that now.

[Gorden]

I don’t think this is in the same vein but you made me think of a great book I recently read. I loved this book and I highly recommend for any runner:

[SassyRocks]

I have definitely heard of this one!! It sounds really good. And yes, I used to stop to smoke while hiking up mountains! I also used to stop and do lines while hiking. Smdh

[Becsta]

I find that comparing leads to envy, jealousy, resentments, negative self talk and self loathing. But these feelings also project onto people around me and they would get unintentionally rejected or hurt by my words or actions. Now, I recognise everyone is different and unique, I look at ways of being inspired and motivated by others instead. It really helps - we are in competition with no one but ourselves.

[Runningfree]

Gonna order this later!!

[Misokatsu]

I am really bad at negatively comparing myself to others too. And I always selectively choose who to compare about what so I come off worse, less academic than a full time work colleague, a worse mum than a friend who works less than me, etc.
About running, I have been working on the couch to 5 k plan for literally years! I get to a certain week, take a break, my stamina goes, I have to start again. I still don’t enjoy running but feel like something is missing if I don’t do it for a few days.

[SassyRocks]

Maybe your body would prefer a different type of movement than running? Movement is important for us body mind and spirit and finding a type of movement that provides peace and I enjoy has been important for me. I know with running we can easily get caught up in the shoulds and comparisons. I struggle with it constantly still. If your body likes the feeling of running, maybe remove the 5k aspect of it and enjoy your run without a time or distance associated with it.