I’ve been drugfree for over 2 yrs and alcohol free for 22 weeks. My current problem is I’ve been feeling like using because of marital issues. Weve been married almost 23 years and lack the ability to effectively communicate. I talk TO him. He talks AT me! Everything is my fault. He refuses to take ownership for his flaws and role in the relationship. We were laying in bed just now and i simply asked a question about something I had read and it spiraled downhill fast! If I don’t agree with him, he yells and tells me that I don’t respect him as a man. I feel like the only time that we got along was when i was using blow or drinking. Also, he is a recovering alcoholic with 18 years of sobriety. So he thinks he’s better than me.
Relationshit. I’m familiar. And I’m sorry. It can be really hard, but we know full well drinking/using will only make things worse. I’m 65 yrs old. Married 40,000 years (or maybe 44) and in therapy for the first time in my life. Its a very good thing I’m doing for ME, and hopefully it will be a good thing for US. Might be something for you to look into. Hope things improve for you.
Welcome!
I’m not one to give marriage advice but I can assure you that using will only complicate your relationship. How about marriage counseling?
I’ve been married 30+ years and sober 5 (partner is 3 yrs sober). Our communication has been difficult lately. We go from zero to 60 in a matter of seconds and both walk away from the conversation angry. What helps me is putting my AA program into practice. Acceptance is hard one for me, but I can’t change him, I can only change my reaction. I’ve told him on occasion that he needs to call his sponsor which I know is out of line. Not my place to tell him how to work his program. But what I can do is work my own and keep my side of the street clean.
Good luck! Keep working on yourself and everything else will fall into place whether that’s staying or leaving.
I hate those periods when there is a lot of pressure / stress in the relationship and it feels like soooo…much…work and just plain uncomfortable. Ugh. I am so glad you didn’t use at the problem, it sure would not help.
Relationships definitely ebb and flow and some years are easier than others and some downright rough as hell (at least in my experience). Over the course of our marriage, my husband and I have been in therapy off and on and it helped, a lot. Some therapists are better at their job than others, but often the ability to sit together and share and listen is in itself somewhat healing (or can be). If nothing else, solo therapy has also served me well over the years too.
(or maybe 44) and in therapy for the first time in my life. Its a very good thing I’m doing for ME, and hopefully it will be a good thing for US. Might be something for you to look into. Hope things improve for you.