Finally… my emotions dont dictate my actions. Meaning the world has no control over me anymore and I’m free to explore without reacting.
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Omg that’s utterly sad.xx
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Nobody to blame but me and now I’m pissy… 
Gonna go grow up a minute and return when my mood is better because moods are contagious to some… 
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or we could be there for you and make you feel better that way.
We are family, I got all my sisters and me 
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If you could read my mind love,
What a tale my thoughts would tell
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Mostly financial worries.
Worrying that I may be made redundant in the near future so making plans on how I’m going to pay off my car.
Worth noting that I may NOT be made redundant at all 
but I figure it’s best to prepare for the worst and hope for the best.
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I would love to swap money for happiness but unfortunately my landlord doesn’t see it my way.
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I still believe in long sufferings paying off in the end… To say I’m getting there is an excuse that I tell myself… Starting a new timer today for something else I’ve possibly picked up along the way… Won’t know if I don’t try… Life is so unfair… But it could always be worse…
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Today is a new day.
I feel comfortable in my body.
My space in my head is quiet.
I have new opportunities to embark on.
I am okay to be okay.
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it’s nice to see you back.
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i read the st benidict prayer every day
im trying for more action and less talking
today i kept telling myself to keep going and to get this life under control
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True, at some point we have to stop trying to be sober and start living and enjoying it instead.
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Wow I’m so sorry
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I do this worrying thing bilut I find it gets me nowhere maybe before it MIGHT HAPPEN phone the car company explain and ask them if this did happen what are my choices so if or when it did /does happen it’s on record you have been reaching out to them i think it counts for alot when you do speak to them stipulate that you want the phone call recorded if you can record from your end I would but you need to let them know your doing that .I hope it all works out for you.i know burying our head in the sand feels like as much as we can do somedays but being Pro active about our worries I believe lightens the load .xxsending you love .XX:heart:
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Thank you 
Yes I think I will ring the company today, my plan is to make double payments for the next 10 months (I have 20 months left of repayments so this would half it) it will leave money pretty tight for a little while but at least at the end of it the car will be mine and it’ll be a worry off my mind. Its defo doable though.
I just need to know if this is ok with the company and how it’ll work out. I’m not too worried and I’m grateful I have the option to do it this way.
Ideally I’d like to keep my job and not have to worry about it at all… which is also a possibility so I could be worrying and planning for nothing haha.
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It’s always best to be prepared
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is it normal to live with someone and not dare to talk bc whatever you say is wrong. how can you help someone who thinks they know better than anyone else. I hate my new sober life right now bc this world is too real and I can’t change it but if I had a drink it would be a break from reality for a few hours. God give me strength.
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Is it still on you my friend.xx
There’s definitely something in the air today. We gotta be strong guys and gals. Now is not the time to start judging, that’s not what we do, we are all better than that. Let’s pull together and just get through one more day. It doesn’t have to be pretty but it does have to be productive as far as egos and addictions are concerned. Be strong. 
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I’m actually pissed off about something today.
When I was a kid my teacher at school phoned the social services because I’d came into school covered in bruises (on my back, my friends made me go report it) after my mam had beaten me with a belt.
All I know is, i come home from school the next day and mam says with a smile, “oh so you’re reporting me now??” And that was it 
Apparenatly social services had rang her, not sure what she had said but there was no follow up. No one came to see to ask me what had happened.
How is that ok? I was known to SS and i was on the “at risk” register. So why wouldn’t they follow it up to make sure I was ok?
But no, they let me suffer for a few more years before I finally got taken into care. They should have acted sooner.
This was all so long ago, and mostly I’m over my childhood now, i mean, it is what it is (or was what it was) but little memories like that pop up and I realise I was failed on so many levels, it’s a wonder I’m still here 
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