Is it just me?? - I seem to get the fact I’ve quit drinking and drugging into every conversation I have with a new person. Yes I’m proud of the achievement but do other people really care about or even interested. Sometimes I tell people and they tell me they have never drank which leaves me feeling a bit stupid bc to them me not drinking is a non achievement. Its took me a long time to realise the world doesn’t revolve around me but I’ve never known anything else in life but to get wasted, I don’t have any other life experiences to share. I was a drunk it’s what I did. Hopefully in time I’ll find myself and if I don’t I’ll just keep plodding along living and learning. I’ll always be an alcoholic on the inside I just want a new badge on the outside.
Even now somedays I wake up and feel like the clown painting his face ready to start the show.
I went on Campral, it curbs all my cravings. I was prescribed it while in detox. It works. I found a vodka bottle that I hid and forgot about. I got rid of it and didn’t have a drink. I’m only 15 days sober.
OK just thinking out loud but then aren’t we all. I’m currently going through some health issues which is an ongoing process and it’s resulted in me having to take 8 steroids a day and reducing them over the next 2 months. I’m over 3 years clean and sober and very aware that I’m currently buzzing my tits off 24 hours a day. I’ve got more energy, I struggle to sleep, my heart is pounding at times and I’m an addict of life. I already miss them. I do not feel sober. Medically they are the only thing keeping me breathing right now BUT it’s not all doom and gloom because isn’t it wonderful to be so in tune with a chemical free body that as soon as something foreign enters alarm bells ring. So many years I’ve taken so many weird and wonderful pills, acid, liquids, mushrooms covered in cow shit, smoked the crystals you get in those little packets with new shoes etc ( that was not the best idea) never once questioning what’s in any of it.
So yeah I like this little detour for the sake of my health but for once in my life I feel comfortable in my own skin. I already miss the new me.