Coping with grief is so fucking hard

[Ridesende]

I made a post recently about a dear friend of mine that passed years ago. The anniversary is coming up this week and holy fuck. Emotions are so intense sober and i cant run from this anymore. Theres nowhere left to run. I have to face everything and feel everything and fuck its hard. I self harmed again yesterday but i gave my best friend my tools so i dont do that again. I was so young when i lost Sophie and i was given alcohol by my abusers right after it happened. Between the booze and dissociation i never grieved her loss. I feel like a terrified child all the time, and these feelings are so big and i feel so small. Its consuming me. I havent craved alcohol in a few months (almost 7 months sober) but holy shit i want to run from these feelings. So i need advice. How do i feel my feelings without letting it consume me? How do i live with this? I have a therapist but i don’t see her again until after the anniversary so idk what to do. I feel so hopeless.

Ill add the link to my previous post for a bit more context, but that one gets very dark very quickly so warnings are at its beginning.

I miss my deceased best friend (tw for violence/child abuse/etc)

So huge tw for child abuse, violence, trafficking, murder. Yeah its gonna get dark fast, quick synopsis is i was present when my friend Sophie was killed. I was trafficked as a kid, so was Sophie. Thats how we met. I was 3 she was 8 when i first met her, they forced her to hurt me for the videos. This went on for a year or so. Over that time we became friends. She patched up my injuries, stole snacks for us to eat, she was such a sweetheart. Told me she wanted to be a doctor, cause she wanted t…

[SoberGuyUSA]

Well your friend would want the best for you and that best is your sobriety.

[erntedank]

Sending you hugs
Mourning is a process that takes time. When the feelings years ago were numbed they had no chance to be and heal. Maybe it helps a bit to be aware that this intense episode of mourning around the anniversary will pass.
What helps me when grief and sadness are intense are breathing, breathing meditations, gratitude written down and spoken out loudly, a fresh cup of tea to lift my soul and going for a short walk.
Do I have to force myself sometimes to take steps to overcome this being stuck in grieving? Of course. I am very kind and friendly to myself, I talk to myself like I talk to close friends when they are hurting. I allow myself to feel deeply and I deliberately stop myself when it’s becoming to heavy or going in a wrong direction like self-hatred or pitty party. How do I stop myself? Mostly by doing chores and garden work until I’m sweating and tired. Sometimes by dancing or punching pillows.
Sending you strenght and kindness