So huge tw for child abuse, violence, trafficking, murder. Yeah its gonna get dark fast, quick synopsis is i was present when my friend Sophie was killed.
I was trafficked as a kid, so was Sophie. Thats how we met. I was 3 she was 8 when i first met her, they forced her to hurt me for the videos. This went on for a year or so. Over that time we became friends. She patched up my injuries, stole snacks for us to eat, she was such a sweetheart. Told me she wanted to be a doctor, cause she wanted to help people instead of hurt them. When Sophie was 9 she tried to escape. It didnt work. They killed her, made me watch. It was terrifying. I was 4 at that point. I remembered the day cause i was sitring behind the tripod of the camera, and i could see the date in the corner of the screen. 2006/08/25.
Its been nearly 17 years. My 7 months sober is gonna land on that date this year, so i just realized how soon that date is. Im kinda just sobbing in bed right now. I dont know how to process this sadness cause i ran from it for so fucking long. I hate how shitty i feel right now. I dont want a drink or anything, all i want is to see her smile again. And i wont. I cant. And that hurts so fucking bad. Sorry im a mess but yea.
I’m so sorry Amanda for all that you have been through. Want to congratulate you for your 7 months of sobriety.
Are you seeing a therapist or do you have someone to discuss your past / present feelings with? I want to hug you and bring you peace. I can’t imagine the pain associated with you experiences. Wishing you some comfort!
Much love and hope that writing it out here helped you.
I am new here and reading peoples stories, getting to know the community and I am so sorry this happened to you Amanda, I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through, and to get to 7 months sober is an amazing achievement, you should be proud of that, I really wish you some peace and also just want to give you a hug, stay strong
Wow. That is terribly dark. I hope you will have the strength to live your life at fullest - for you and your friend.
She is at peace now. I read some interviews, recently, with people who almost died at some point. You really go into a very calm place and coming back to life feels very chaotic and not that nice.
Life should be lived properly, it’s a gift, after all, but death should not make us too upset. Whenever you feel sad about your friend, remember - she is at peace and we all will be there at the end of the road too. Live for her.
It’s a horrifying tragedy, the two of you trafficked and her being killed. She’s forever alive in your thoughts and heart as hard as it is for you. You can’t go back. It can’t be undone. You going forward, especially sober is a tribute to her. She would want you as healthy as you can be. Mentally and physically. This is a safe place for you and a place for lots of support for you w your DOC.
It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to feel sad.
Talking to a professional or getting PTSD help could possibly help you learn how to process the sadness.
It’s not something you’ll ever “ get over”.
It’s just living with it easier.
Also i got this tattoo back in 2021. The small butterfly is for my son, the bigger one above it is for Sophie. I was lighting some candles and asking for a sign that they could hear me, and 2 butterflies flew by my window. So i took that as a yes, that they are both still with me and i got them tattooed. It helps, its a nice reminder for me.
I’m glad that you have the comfort of the tattoos, in memory of both your son and your friend. I’m glad that you have them each with you in that significant way.
