Hes replied saying yes thats fine so thats a positive for today 
thanks so much ladies 
6 Likes
That is great to hear. Baby steps.
2 Likes
@Starlight14 Kelly -sorry, it has taken me a minute to catch up on this thread.
It is beautiful to see you working on yourself and protecting your sobriety. We have all done and said things in our drunken / high states that we wish we could take back and yes most likely hurt some along the way. Itās hard to be in your new mindset and have your loved ones still look at you as if you were the āotherā version of yourself when you really want them to see and notice the work you are putting in. Good on you for staying the course and keeping up with the WORK. Your brother may not show it but Iām sure heās aware of the changes.
He does have baby brother syndrome - coddled and babied and now having to deal with the realities of life as an adult. I am not sure why he would choose to make you the scapegoat and do think you should try and stop trying to analyze his feelings - honestly, he may not even know what those feelings are. As youāve mentioned that you have been through a lot with him and have always shown up for him and forgiven him ā could be that heās afraid of himself and possibly saw himself in you that night or the words you spoke shook him awake. In either case -he has to process this. This can take time and it is not on you. I know thatās easier said than done but try to release your feelings into the energy around you. Keep doing you and things will work out.
YEAH - already a step in the direction to recovery. baby steps my friend 
2 Likes
Hi lovely 
im really at a point with him where i feel peace nowā¦im a big believer that at times people come in and out of our lives for a reasonā¦maybe hes not supposed to be in my life for now to give me the space i need to heal and work on myself without distraction, my life is peaceful nowā¦it probably wouldnt be if i was around him, he has his own issues to work on, just today my mother was talking about him and how selfish he is, complaining about him and all the while im thinking im pleased i dont have that to deal with it, my sobriety and mental health come first now, my love to you Jasmineā¦hope you are well
4 Likes
Oh WOW love - warmed my heart reading this and seeing how far youāve come and grown. So happy to hear that you have found peace with this and you are so right about
Much love to you my friend. Sobriety and the clarity from it ROCK! 
1 Like
Ive always put other people first so to put myself as priority still feels a bit alien but im working on it plus when i can see that doing that has a positive affect on my daughter too i know im doing the right thing. I love my brother i always will but for now im happy to make sure things are better for me, my daughter and my neices xx
2 Likes
When youāve been putting every one else first for so long it will take time to not feel weird about making yourself number one . So happy that you are working on it - that itās working for you and that you are seeing the benefits in your daughter and life in general.
1 Like
And there we have itā¦just as i was saying about my life being peaceful without himā¦my mother rang me this morning upsetā¦yesterday we lost my great uncle ā¦my mothers uncle on her dads sideā¦we are all sad about it, after recieving the news yesterday apparently my brother proceded to go get drunk then be utterly horrible to everyone around him because he was upsetā¦mainly my mother who is also greiving but as usual it is all about him 
3 Likes
Sweetheart - I am so sorry for the loss of your uncle.
It is good that you have your distance from your brother and can process this from the outside in a manner of speaking.
He needs to find his way into recovery as his actions show that he is not capable of dealing with life in a healthy manner. Iām sorry to hear that he upset your mom during such a time - thatās so fucked up and selfish.
Hopefully when he sobers up and grieves - his wife or your mom can discuss possible steps needed for sobriety? In any case you need to keep working on you and be there for you mom ā his journey will be his own.
So sorry for your loss.
1 Like
Thank you Jasmine, he was such a lovely man, we will miss him for sure, he took ill 2 weeks ago then he was taken into hospitalā¦then we found out he had lung cancer with secondaries in his brainā¦he declined very quickly which i believe is a blessing that he didnt suffer for too long. God bless him.
My brother cant deal with anything because hes been coddled so much hes never had to deal with real life so soon as anything does happen he goes off the rails, ive told my mother he needs to admit he has a problem
aaah love - iām glad that your uncle did not have to suffer much (cancer is such an evil disease and ive seen the harm it can cause over years for both the person suffering and their loved ones). Being so sudden it does take time to get used to the loss. That in itself can be a shock to the system.
In your brothers case it could be that he was so coddled that he canāt deal with life in general. Hopefully this is not his way to get attention or just live in a āwhoa is meā state. In any case hopefully your mom will look at this situation with clearer vision and discuss his āproblemā with him.
Iām sure your mother, his girls are all suffering with all of this too so hopefully he will listen and start with the first step of admitting he has a problem.
Sending you love and comfort my friend.
2 Likes
9 months ago i would have tried to drink my sadness away but it didnt cross my mind this time, im sad but i can feel how much better im handling it while being sober and im proud of that
1 Like
YES! I love it - so much progress in 9 months. Im impressed and proud as you should be too.
Life is going to be full of all sorts of obstacles but we can only truly appreciate the āgoodā when we go through the ābadā
Loads of love my friend
1 Like
Thank you for listening Jasmine, i do hope you are well love? My love to you as always 
1 Like
Anytime Kelly
1 Like
Iām very sympathetic. Ive lost contact with my best friend and sister in a similar manner.
It hurts but you can only control your actions. Do your best to improve yourself. And allow them the space they need to heal.
2 Likes
So, i went to my mothers house this morning as we were taking my daughter and my neice for their first swimming lessonā¦my brother was thereā¦he immediately hugged me then started talking to me asthough the last 9 months of not speaking never happenedā¦i hugged him back and played along but im not sure how to feelā¦
6 Likes
Iām sorry you lost your great uncle Kelly
Iāve just spotted this thread, and I think Iām all up to date on what happened. As I was reading I felt like your brother wasnāt talking to you just to protect himself. You mentioned harsh things were said, Iām sure he played his part in it too - but it reads like he just shut down on you because he was hurt.
From the outside, I think this recent event where he got drunk and was horrible to others was a sharp reminder that heās not perfect and makes mistakes too.
Maybe thatās why he hugged you? I think he knows heās in no place to judge others who make mistakes now.
Take small steps, but Iām glad to see there has been an olive branch extended xx
3 Likes
Thanks Binx for taking the time to read all of this and reach out, i appreciate you. Yes its an olive branch but mentally i will be keeping a step back from him and i wont be getting in any way close to him for a long time, if ever, really all i wanted was to be able to pass the time of day if i saw him so that things werent awkward infront of my neices but how hurt ive been by him cant just be forgotten but il take that for today, im not sure i want him in my life other than that xx
5 Likes
Wow - now that must have been a startling moment. I wouldnāt know how to feel either TBH. I am glad you have grown in the past 9 months to where you are today. You still love your brother and want him to be happy / healthy but you LOVE YOU and donāt want his bs (drinking, ignoring you etc) to get to you.
I do think that this recent death has possibly shook him and made him question whatās important in life. He could have done a lot of self reflection in the past 9 months and especially in his recent drunken stupor. I am glad that he reached out and hugged you. Not so much pleased that he thinks the past 9 months of emotional neglect can be forgotten. Who knows where your relationship will go from here - just be open to the possibilities and also most importantly protect your heart and your sobriety.
4 Likes