Good morning
My name is Martin and I’m an alcoholic
I realized I had a drinking problem in 2017 when I was working children’s entertainment and had abusive management which caused me to drink.
I was getting wasted at friends parties and skipping work because I was hungover.
When I was drunk I would rant to my best friend how badly I was being treated and he saw how much I was drinking. He had noted that maybe I should get my drinking under control.
October that year. I did sober October for charity. As a way of staying accountable for sobriety. It turned into 9 months that where the best years of my life.
I got fitter, lost stubborn Weight, took up running and my relationships improved.
Because of sobriety I began running 10k races, obstacle courses, triathlon and began a marathon race.
June of 2018 I fell off the wagon after going with my best mate to Scotland for an obstacle course race, he went to watch. After the race he got me a g&t and I accepted as I was didn’t want to say no.
For a while I did have controlled drinking.
In December of 2019 a family member had a stroke and covid was happening around this time and I began to drink heavily again.
First I didn’t want to accept it was a problem. I told myself everyone was drinking in lockdown. I had seen the memes.
Though 2020 my drinking got worse. My thoughts to alcohol became obsessive.
After being made redundant by my sales job. I decided I needed help. My GP put me on a alcohol services course which went nowhere.
2021 became a battle to try to regain sobriety. It was start and stop battle. I would bindge for week then go sober for a week. I began missing races because of my drinking and when I met with friends, it was because o wanted to drink.
2022 I got into the course my GP referred me too. I had even tried aa. I don’t want to disrespect people in aa. If it helps them, great. But in my personal experience. It’s a bunch of. Middle age people all having a crisis.
Like no one there has excercises to help with drinking or medically trained. It’s all run by members. letting the monkeys run the zoo. Someone who was a new member lime me even said we weren’t doing anything to work on our problem but just saying what had alcohol done to us.
That has always been a issue with me. Yes alcohol has caused problems,but how did our lives improve once we got sober? Aa felt like misery porn as everyone seemed to try to one up each other in either job losses or criminal records.
I have had spells of stopping and starting but am back on the wagon again
I’m hoping to be held accountable
Alcohol is powerful, cunning, baffling, and most patient. The alcohol made you relapse. Blaming everything else won’t help.
If I were you I would start by not blaming everyone else for my problems and taking personal accountability. I know for me I was able to do this by working the 12 steps.
Good luck
I really wish you well. Drinking is not an option anymore, stick with running and be a shining example!
I can tell you have it in you.
And who are you hoping will do that for you? 
Lots of passive clauses in your text there…
Friend, you gotta wake up. You are responsible for yourself. COVID didn’t make you drink and nothing else did either.
There’s work to be done. By you. All those fingers you pointing everywhere, bring that attention towards yourself.
Good luck
Covid stress time had been a very difficult time for me too, I relapsed a lot and I binged a lot. And in certain areas the addition got worse to than ever.
Let’s do something better this time
Too true, a soul destroying, life threatening, emotional and spiritual crisis that for me personally only AA had the answers I needed to here.
It’s OK though bc your life sounds great 
Dang man… without an open mind you’ll fail in sobriety. Commit to doing whatever it takes to stay sober and throw out your ego. I personally do not attend meetings but I’m not opposed to doing whatever it takes to stay sober.
This statement 
is also true for this place. Recovering addicts and alcoholics are some of the best I’ve ever met in this world… this place is filled with amazing people. I hope you stick around and see, best wishes.
Nothing ever causes anyone to drink in excess or relapse other than their own selves…Understanding that is a key to sobriety. All of those external factors you mentioned do not go away…
Welcome to TS. I hope you find what you are looking for here.
Being sober I am now in a situation to make changes in my life, to acknowledge my feelings and to let go of things that don’t go the way I wanted them.
A long time I was so stuck, drinking every night, no matter what. It was an automatism I could not break. I am grateful I found the exit before it was too late.
Now, I can still not say I live the happiest life I can imagine but I know for sure that alcohol doesn’t change anything in that situation.