Just really struggling with depression. It’s not like a thing or something happening that has me down. It’s purely just I think my brain trying to cope with negative physical and mental feelings. Just taking it a day at a time at the moment reaching out to my higher power and holding on for dear life basically lol how have you been?
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Hey team,
Just checking in for the day. Did some step work yesterday. It was crazy to see just how many aspects my addiction has affected and how. I’m still struggling to consider it a disease. Like I ambrrying to accept that. Like it being unmanageable and my life being out of control I can 100% acknowledge but that word illness or disease just doesnt sit well with me still I dna why. Hows everyone here doing?
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I’m doing good. Last few weeks I’ve been learning to experience life trying to be sober. It’s funny but for so many years I was floating in my addiction - escape, neglect - that I don’t know how it feels to be someone who has a sense that “Ok, this stuff is due at this time, and that thing is due then, and also we have to finish this and this and this.” And gradually you build familiarity with being someone who’s more or less on top of what needs to be done.
Do you know what I mean? But at the same time I am questioning myself, is this real? Like, am I a fraud? Am I someone who can do this? Maybe I’m not and I should just give up.
Of course I don’t want to give up. But the experience of trying to live my life responsibly is so unfamiliar.
I’m sorry to hear you’re depressed. That’s a hard feeling. But as you said it’s your brain working through some stuff. And - you know - if your ancestors worked through depression & still managed to survive, there must be something to be learned from it? Maybe? I don’t know, I’m not depressed - but I figure if tough emotions like anger and grief can serve a purpose, maybe depression can too.
It’s another week ahead. Wow it’s 1:30 pm on Monday for you guys out there now! How’s your day been so far?
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Yeah I totally understand what you mean. The daily experience of adulting is exhausting and I totally understand what you mean about it being uncomfortable being so aware when we’ve spent so long just floating. Sometimes I wonder how on earth I survived this long being high and getting stuff paid and stuff like it’s a bizarre feeling to not remember how I did day to day when I’m so aware now . Yeah its passed 2 now I’m supposed to have gotten myself up to do some house work but I’m like so exhausted I dont even know
Rest up for a few days and look after yourself. Addiction is the only illness that will try to convince you you don’t have it. And many an addict has said they’re greatful to accept they’re an addict because then atleast they can work a programme on a daily basis that allows them to be sober. The 12 steps can put it into remission. Even things like anxiety and depression can come and go and are considered a mental illness, something anyone can get just like anyone can get a common cold. Meetings and step work build immunity. Much loves.
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You’re a beautiful human being! Tha k you for your kind words dol.
Hey team, checking in on Day 63 close to 64. Got my green tag. Working the steps checking in with my sponsor. Been isolating abit the last week. Sorry @DuncanNZ! But I’m gna make some effort to reach out!
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Welcome back Stacey it’s good to see you. I hope things are going well 
Take care sister! 
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Welcome back Stacey. It’s great to see you still with us.
I know it must be hard for you, but please stay in touch. Two months is bloody good work.
Let’s do what needs to be done.
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Tha is @Matt and @anon12657779, just checking in Day 65. Abit anxious atm with the insanity of the virus. Kinda enjoying having an excuse to isolate though so eh. Hope everyone is doing well! All the love 
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I’m just happy to see you.
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Great to read your still going!!! 
Hey team,
Checking in on day 71. Coping. Not feeling like crap so that’s a win. Managed to connect online to church this morning. And got some plans to do extra step work so yeah, that’s me for now. Check in soon. Hope you guys are all safe and same and mostly sober!
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Yay Swam! Glad to hear it sister. Take care and enjoy your day - wishing you a good one
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How are you doing?
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Hey team, checking in on day 77. Hope your all well
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Oh my goodness I missed this. I am doing fine, thanks! I am a little tired, so trying to sleep earlier; I am enjoying having a tenant (a student visitor) from Columbia for a few months, up here learning English; I am doing a lot of virtual coffees and brunches 
How about you?
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Yeah the online life at the moment haha l those people who like to stay in and chat online are having a much better time haha
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Yes! The other day I started having rebellious thoughts of “I want to go visit _____ and take their dog for a walk together” or, even worse, “I want to organize a BBQ in the park with some friends this weekend”. I’m such a rebel - I miss the physical human contact 
But I’m learning from it. I’m learning to be happy with what I do have. How about you? Are you doing ok with the physical distancing?
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