Okay…so today I went biscuiting on the lake with some friends from my dojo for the end of the year BBQ. I joined a few weeks ago and i decided it’s something i can push into with trying to get sober
Anyway, so i went on this biscuit thing and it was AMAZING!! I had fun…like for real …and i wasnt even high!!! Like . Crazy!
Also my ex came to visit again yesterday…and get this…he too has decided he wants to “take a break” from getting high! We had convos about all sorts and yeah it was really nice.
Swam stay strong. Always remember your self honesty. What happens when you get loaded? We lose! We in AA and NA need you because we have to help the alcoholic addict with less time then us. Thats our primary purpose to get sober and help another alcoholic addict achieve sobriety.
Yeah…what’s really weird. Is when i was sober for a few months I had brief moments of…I dont know I guess I’d call them joy or happiness maybe? But they were always short lived, like they didnt have substance. But today…today was something different. I saw the sun and I felt the warmth and participated because I wanted to and not for show. It was like a deep sense of …I dont even know but it was a good feeling. I’m not sure what is different. I am…if I’m honest skeptical about my ability to stick it out. But I think what may be different is I think I actually want to this time. I’m not just doing it because I think it’s the right thing to do. Someone at the meetings explained the concept of white knuckling to me and I think in the past that may have been what I was doing. But right now i think i want to learn to be happy without using. I’m petrified…my doctors are leading towards diagnosing me with rapid cycling bipolar so i dont even know if i can trust what I’m feeling right now. But none the less I am really grateful for having a sincerely nice time today sober. It was actual such a meaningful day I cant explain it.
I don’t think you need to explain it Stacey. Just embrace it and as you say be grateful and accepting. And believe that what you are doing is exactly what you are supposed to be doing.
Thanks @anon12657779. Thanks for the support and for pushing me. I need it and you are so awesome for helping. Everything you do for people here is brilliant.
So tomorrow I’m taking a group of highschool kids to Disneyland. It’s just myself and one other teacher with twelve 16/17 year olds overnight. They’re good kids, and I’m looking forward to it, but I know how I was at that age, and I’m just hoping that it goes smoothly! Wish me luck!
Wow! You’re brave. I know how I was at that age. I don’t think the chaperones got any sleep on our school trips. You’re gonna be exhausted for sure but I’m sure it will be fun. Good luck!
I really wanted to check in at a week hahahaha but I missed it dammit!!!
Checking in at 8 days and 32 minutes .
I guess it is a blessing that i was so caught up in…I guess living…that I missed my own week goal hahaha feels good man!
I did so much today. I came really close to not going to a meeting because I felt so good today. Until I decided not to go and moments later the thought…maybe I should see what my ex is doing…follow up thought hmmm a sesh would be nice… YEAH NAH I’m off to a meeting… hahahaha
I ended up having a coffee with a member of the group who’s come a long way, and we spent 3 hours talking haha about all sorts. She is slowly trying to persuade me to attempt the actual 12 steps. I have no idea why I dont want to lol
Nice work Stacey.
I’ve heard it said that if you feel like not doing something then perhaps it’s the thing you should do. Or something like that.
I know I need to follow that advice myself sometimes.
I feel so alive today. I had a bad sleep BUT I feel soooo alive. My busy brain is draining but I’m finding it helpful to focus on good and constructive things and just allow my brain to be busy.
In the last few days I’ve cried because I want/crave but dont want to get high. And it’s tough, no lie. And I am VERY AWARE my emotional turbulence may mean that in a couple hours from now I feel dreadful. BUT for right now…I feel alive. I feel connected to my higher power and connected to people. I am sober and while I am struggling to figure out who I am, I am soooo grateful I have the opportunity to figure it out with a healing brain.
I WANT TO STAY SOBER! AHHHHH like WHAAAAAAT?
so weird…but so awesome.
The difference between living a sober life and white knuckling through sobriety is so different. Night and day.
You felt it coming, you can tackle this one too Stacy. You are doing great, I see you growing. It maybe hard to see it that way. But it is!
This too shall pass, and when it does it made you stronger as well. It’s hard for me to explain it the way I would like it to be, but I hope you understand what I’m trying to say
that’s what I’m afraid of too! Thanks 
. Well see I’m sure I’ll get there eventually. For now, one more sober day to be thankful for!
