I’m grateful to be a sober alcoholic that finally got out of my own way.
I’m grateful to live fully without booze holding me back.
I’m grateful to be comfortable in my own skin today.
I’m grateful that I have learned how to set healthy boundaries. That I can help people but not at the expense of my goals or serenity. That it’s OK to say no.
Being down at the dock, now that we are stacked out and finished crabbing and previous employer is on vacation at the luxurious Grey Bar Hotel. Other boats have been trying to get me to crab with them.
There is a guy I like. He bought a boat. It’s got a 300 crab pot permit. Previous employer owns the permit and this guy is making payments. He is also making payments on the boat. The crab permit is expensive. He was our running partner for salmon, tuna, and halibut.
He never caught nearly as many fish as we did. But as owner of the boat he made at least 5x more than I did as a deck hand on a top producing boat.
He has big payments. The kind of contracts that if you fall behind on, repossession is quick and he would lose it fast. Previous owners would benefit if that happened. Because he has already gave them a bunch of money. They would sell it again. Free money for them.
I’ve been paying attention. I want the guy to succeed.
I was pretty envious when he was fishing around us. Knowing he didn’t have to listen to anyone whine, complain, or worry about how many days has it been since tweeky slept, or how much booze did previous employer/Skipper sneak in his duffel bag, and how hard is he going to be to work with this trip?
He blew the engine during the fourth week of crab season. He has had it fixed for a couple of weeks.
He has been begging me to help him. It’s been hard for me to say no. The day before yesterday, he went by himself. I was down on my boat filming and I saw him struggling. I filmed it.
Yesterday, I filmed him launching again and he had a deckhand. This guy was a brand new greenhorn. I edited the footage last night. That’s when I noticed how clueless this guy was. He never made it to his gear. He was on the water for ten minutes, turned around and landed the boat.
I haven’t talked to him. I know he’s going to beg me. It’s hard to say no. I’m a people pleaser. I have to keep saying no.
I have to take care of me. I’m grateful to be able to do that today.
It’s become clear to me over the last month that I have to take care of me. Nobody else will. It’s my job. I’m grateful to see this.
Just like I am responsible for my recovery. That’s my job too. I’m grateful to be here making time for something good for my recovery.
In the past I pile on one project after another until I burn out. I started doing it, but caught myself and since I’ve been slowing down, my anxiety is 100x less. I am grateful. I’m not a fan of anxiety.
I still have a huge mountain of things I need to do. It doesn’t feel overwhelming today. I am grateful!
I’ve been sleeping and eating good. I’ve been organizing. I have been on the move for the last ten years and drunk most of it. My stuff was a cluster fuck. It’s getting better.
In my previous recovery I was organized. I’m grateful to be getting there again.
I’ve been a hurricane for a while. Smooth sailing makes me grateful!