Just need to vent a bit. My emotions are feeling all over the place right now, and my anxiety around the bus is feeling a bit much, and I’m overall tempted to cancel. But then what? I’d feel horrible about failing and about missing out on visiting family and missing appointments. This whole thing would only get worse. Just gotta suck it up and go when it’s time. Also finding myself grumbling about the walk to the station. It’s a really nice walk, and 40 minutes isn’t bad, I just don’t like lugging my stuff up the vertical (150m/500ft), in the rain, when I’m on a timer and alone with my anxiety.
Anyways, I’ve still got time, it’s not until this afternoon. But ugh.
Haha, it’s a bit weird actually.
I’ve been under a bit of a funk lately, but didn’t even realise it. Odd eh?
Today it felt like another step has been climbed, another veil lifted.
I’ve been singing along to the Beatles all day. And got a lot of work done.
Must have been working something over without even realising it.
James, you know that these things are never as bad as the little voice trys to tell us it is.
I remember you had a nice bus trip not that long ago.
Once you get there you know it’ll be ok.
Try singing a little song to yourself as you march up the hill. Oh, the grand old Duke of York
He had 10,000 men.
He marched them up to the top of the hill,
And he marched them down again.
Seriously, you know it’s going to be ok mate.
Thanks man. Yeah, the intercity buses aren’t as bad as the local ones, because as soon as the bus starts to move, I’m able to start letting it all go and gradually relax. More of the anxiety is a learned bodily response than actual conscious fear about something, so I find myself struggling to work through the adrenaline even when my thoughts under control. It’ll just take more practice really working on teaching myself to relax instead of putting up with the adrenaline while this happens.
I think I will enjoy the walk after all. I always forget how peaceful it is compared to a regular city walk. Open spaces. Here’s a view from one section of it:
Once I’m there, there should only be 15-30 minutes or so of waiting at the station before I can board. I can do that. But maybe I’ll stop singing for that part
@Fireweed Sorry you got my sad germs. Since we’re both infected anyways, have a hug
James, spam away my friend. Purely selfish reasons, I’ve never been where your are and probably never will so it’s nice to see where friends live.
Glad things are going ok.
Phew, busy day yesterday. We had this weird work retreat at a children’s camp. it’s beautiful, but weird in some ways. I ended up having some hard conversations with my boss and other colleagues about some office dynamics that I and at least one other find challenging. I am unsure if I feel relief or anxiety about my frankness. But I know I am not alone, so that gives me comfort I suppose.
Our HR lady is like a camp counsellor. She arranged some weird games for people. One of them involved shooting nerf guns at water bottles and I’m all “are you F-ing kidding me?! we are doing a shooting game at a work event?!” I am pretty afraid of guns, though I do challenge myself and have done and enjoy shooting sporting clays with a shotgun and think about hunting turkeys someday. But guns at work are a real problem for me, especially as we do active shooter training, which is necessary but awful.
Those things and other things are on my mind this morning, as I had very anxious dreams and sleep. But, time to run - already late. I open a meeting on Wed mornings. eek!
Sounds just awesome! And you know, arranging birthday parties was one of the most stressfull happenings i knew when i was drinking. I just hated it all and couldnt enjoy their big days. Now its all changed, im so happy that its the same with you
Good morning friends. Somber day here in the states on 9/11. I remember it as if it was yesterday. I was on vacation with my entire family (including brother, his family & our parents). It was a blessing that we were all together. We watched it live on TV… seeing the 2nd plane hit the WTC is an image I will never forget. The world is a much different place now. I realize that all we can do is carve out out own little piece of happiness. I am so thankful for my family and friends (which includes the amazing people on this forum) and wish you all the best. Stay strong, stay sober.
but that sounds just… great 
Oh, the grand old Duke of York
hugs needed anyway, thanks friend and back 
winding down for sleepies…
