Daily Reflections & Daily Readings

[MandiH]

August 31~Daily Reflections

A UNIQUE PROGRAM

Alcoholics Anonymous will never have a professional class. We have gained some understanding of the ancient words “Freely ye have received, freely give.” We have discovered that at the point of professionalism, money and spirituality do not mix.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 166

I believe that Alcoholics Anonymous stands alone in the treatment of alcoholism because it is based solely on the principle of one alcoholic sharing with another alcoholic. This is what makes the program unique. When I decided that I wanted to stay sober, I called a woman who I knew was a sober member of A.A., and she carried the message of Alcoholics Anonymous to me. She received no monetary compensation, but rather was paid by staying sober another day herself. Today I could ask for no payment other than another day free from alcohol, so in that respect, I am generously paid for my labor.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

August 31~Language Of Letting Go

Denial

I’ve been recovering many years. I’ve used denial many times. It has been a defense, a survival device, a coping behavior, and, at times, almost my undoing. It has been both a friend and an enemy.

When I was a child, I used denial to protect myself and my family. I protected myself from seeing things too painful to see and feelings too overwhelming to feel. Denial got me safely through many traumatic situations, when I had no other resources for survival.

The negative aspect of using denial was that I lost touch with myself and my feelings. I became able to participate in harmful situations without even knowing I was hurting. I was able to tolerate a great deal of pain and abuse without the foggiest notion it was abnormal.

I learned to participate in my own abuse.

Denial protected me from pain, but it also rendered me blind to my feelings, my needs, and myself. It was like a thick blanket that covered and smothered me.

Eventually I began to recover. I had a glimpse of awareness about my pain, my feelings, my behaviors. I began to see myself, and the world, as we were. There was so much denial from my past that had the blanket been entirely ripped from me, I would have died from the shock of exposure. I needed to embrace insights, remembrances, awareness, and healing gently, gradually.

Life participated in this process with me. It is a gentle teacher. As I recovered, I was brought to the incidents and people I needed in order to remind me of what I was still denying, to tell me where I required more healing from my past, as I could handle these insights.

I still use, and break through, denial—as needed. When the winds of change blow through, upsetting a familiar structure and preparing me for the new, I pick up my blanket and hide, for a while. Sometimes, when someone I love has a problem, I hide under the blanket, momentarily. Memories emerge of things denied, memories that need to be remembered, felt, and accepted so I can continue to become healed—strong and healthy.

Sometimes, I feel ashamed about how long it takes me to struggle through to acceptance of reality. I feel embarrassed when I find myself again clouded by the fog of denial.

Then something happens, and I see that I am moving forward. The experience was necessary, connected, not at all a mistake, but an important part of healing.

It’s an exciting process, this journey called recovery, but I understand I may sometimes use denial to help me get through the rough spots. I’m also aware that denial is a friend, and an enemy. I’m on the alert for danger signs: those cloudy, confused feelings . . . sluggish energy . . . feeling compulsive . . . running too fast or hard . . . avoiding support mechanisms.

I’ve gained a healthy respect for our need to use denial as a blanket to wrap ourselves in when we become too cold. It isn’t my job to run around ripping people’s blankets off or shaming others for using the blanket. Shaming makes them colder, makes them wrap themselves more tightly in the blanket. Yanking their blanket away is dangerous. They could die of exposure, the same way I could have.

I’ve learned the best thing I can do around people who are wrapped in this blanket is to make them feel warm and safe. The warmer and safer they feel, the more able they are to drop their blanket. I don’t have to support or encourage their denial. I can be direct. If others are in denial about a particular thing, and their activity is harmful to me, I don’t have to be around them. I can wish them well and take care of myself. You see, if I stand too long around someone who is harming me, I will inevitably pick up my blanket again.

I tend to be attracted to warm people. When I’m around warm people, I don’t need to use my blanket.

I’ve gained respect for creating warm environments, where blankets are not needed, or at least not needed for long. I’ve gained trust in the way people heal from and deal with life.

God, help me be open to and trust the process that is healing me from all I have denied from my past. Help me strive for awareness and acceptance, but also help me practice gentleness and compassion for myself—and others—for those times I have used denial.

[MandiH]

August 31~Walk In Dry Places

HONESTY IS NOT ENOUGH

Action AA tells us that we must be honest about our problems if we hope to overcome them.

Some people seem quite willng to do this. But an honest admission alone does not solve our problems.

We have to go beyond honesty by taking needed action to correct what’s wrong in our lives.

For example, we would not believe that anything had been corrected simply because a doctor diagnosed
a physical problem. We know that such diagnosis is only a preliminary step that must lead to treatment to be effective.

In the same way, an honest admission of our alcoholism does not lead to sobriety unless we
take further action to address the problem.

We should also be careful about becoming prideful in announcing our shortcomings. If we are recovering from alcoholism but excuse a bad temper as one of our “alcoholic defects,” are we attempting to correct our behavior? The more prideful we are about any fault, the more difficult it will be to change it.

Having become honest about my shortcomings, I’ll look for opportunities today to make needed
corrections in my behavior.

If I find myself using my “alcoholic nature” as an excuse for unacceptable behavior, I’ll take action to do something about it.

[MandiH]

August 31~Keep It Simple

One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back of life. —Eleanor Roosevelt

We’re going to have tough times. Maybe we don’t get a pay raise. Maybe we get fired.

Whatever happens, don’t use alcohol or other drugs. Whatever happens, keep working the program.

Our program will never turn its back on us.

When tough times come, we can always turn to our meetings and sponsors.

We’re lucky because we don’t have to face hard times alone. We have no reason to give up because our program will never give up.

So, pull closer to your program when times get tough. Call a friend and talk about your problems. Take in an extra meeting. All of this keeps us from turning our backs on life.

Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, help me believe that tough times are a chance to get closer to You.

Action for the Day: The program will always be there for me in tough times. Today, I’ll make a list of
what to do to stay sober when tough times come. I’ll put the list in my Big Book.

[MandiH]

September 1~Daily Reflections

WILLINGNESS TO GROW

If more gifts are to be received, our awakening has to go on.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 8

Sobriety fills the painful “hole in the soul” that my alcoholism created. Often I feel so physically well that I believe my work is done. However, joy is not just the absence of pain; it is the gift of continued spiritual awakening. Joy comes from ongoing and active study, as well as application of the principles of recovery in my everyday life, and from sharing that experience with others. My Higher Power presents many opportunities for deeper spiritual awakening. I need only to bring into my recovery the willingness to grow. Today I am ready to grow.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

September 1~Language Of Letting Go

Patience

Sometimes we get what we want right away. At other times, we wonder if our desires will ever be fulfilled.

We will be fulfilled in the best way possible and as quickly as possible. But some things take time. Sometimes, we have lessons to learn first, lessons that prepare us so we can accept the good we deserve. Things are being worked out in us, and in others. Blocks in us are being removed. A solid foundation is being laid.

Be patient. Relax and trust. Let go. Then, let go some more. Good things are planned for us. We will receive them at the first available moment. We will have all our heart longs for.

Relax and trust.

Today, I will identify what I want and need; then, I’ll be willing to let go of it. I will devote my energy to living my life today, so I may master my lessons as quickly as possible. I will trust that what I want and need is coming to me. I will let go of my need to control the details.

[MandiH]

September 1~As Bill Sees It

Morning Thoughts, p.243

On awakening, let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead.

We ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity and from dishonest
or self-seeking motives.

Free of these, we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for God gave us brains to use.

Our thought-life will be on a higher plane when our thinking begins to be cleared of wrong motives.

If we have determined which of two courses to take, we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought, or a
decision.

Then we relax and take it easy, and we are often surprised how the right answers come after we
have tried this for a while.

We usually conclude our meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next
step is to be, asking especially for freedom from damaging self-will.

[MandiH]

September 1~Walk In Dry Places

Are we victimizing ourselves?

Finding the New Happiness

Some believe that people create their own trouble by attracting the wrong conditions and people in their
lives. This may not be entirely true, but we can find that some element of it was at work with us.

Time and time again during our drinking, we set ourselves up for abuse and rejection, though our motives seemed right.

Why did we do this? Supposedly to punish ourselves, the theory has it.

If this is true, then we should now call a halt to the process immediately. If we’ve emerged from the
terrors of alcoholism, we’ve had all the punishment anybody needs.

We can change our bad patterns by looking carefully at the people and situations we seem to attract.

Without resentment or condemnation, we can part company with any problems these have been bringing us.

We can start building new relationships and attracting better conditions that will be immensely
successful in terms of happiness and well-being.

I’ll remember today that in the new life I’m seeking, there’s no need for punishment. I will not go out of
my way to attract people or conditions that create problems in my life.

[MandiH]

September 1~Keep It Simple

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible . . . —First half of Step Nine

In our illness, we harmed people. In Step Nine, we are to make amends. Making amends is about asking people we have harmed what we need to do to set things right.

But making amends is more than saying, “I’m sorry.”

If you ran a store and someone had stolen five dollars, you wouldn’t want them to just say,
”I’m sorry.” You’d want the person to pay back the money.

The same is true with amends.

Many people we’ve harmed ask only that we don’t repeat our mistakes. Respect their wishes.

Step Nine has healed many wounds. Step Nine allows us to grow up. Step Nine help us regain faith in ourselves.

Remember, the best amend we make to all is to stay sober.

[MandiH]

September 2~Daily Reflections

FINDING “A REASON TO BELIEVE”

The willingness to grow is the essence of all spiritual development.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 171

A line from a song goes, “. . . and I look to find a reason to believe . . .” It reminds me that at one time I was not able to find a reason to believe that my life was all right. Even though my life had been saved by my coming to A.A., three months later I went out and drank again. Someone told me: “You don’t have to believe. Aren’t you willing to believe that there is a reason for your life, even though you may not know yourself what that reason is, or that you may not sometimes know the right way to behave?” When I saw how willing I was to believe there was a reason for my life, then I could start to work on the Steps. Now when I begin with, “I am willing. . . ,” I am using the key that leads to action, honesty, and an openness to a Higher Power moving through my life.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

September 2~Language of Letting Go

Detaching with Love with Children

It’s one thing to let go of my husband and let him suffer the consequences. But how do I let go of my children? Isn’t it different with children? Don’t we have responsibilities as parents?

—AL-ANON MEMBER

We do have different responsibilities to our children than to other adults. We are financially responsible for our children; we are responsible for providing for their material and physical needs.

Our children need to be taught how to help themselves—from tying their shoes to making social plans. They need our love and guidance. They need consistent enforcement of boundaries, once we’ve established limits. They need a supportive, nurturing environment in which to grow. They need help learning values.

But we are not responsible for controlling our children. Contrary to popular belief, controlling doesn’t work. Discipline and nurturing do—if combined. Shame and guilt interfere with our children’s learning and our parenting. We need to respond to our children in a responsible way and hold them accountable for their actions at an age-appropriate level. We need only do our best.

We can let our children have their own process of living; we can have our own process. And, we can take care of ourselves during that process. Seek balance. Seek wisdom. Seek not to have control, but to own our power as people who are parents.

Today, God, help me find an appropriate balance of responsibility to my children. Help me parent through nurturing and discipline, instead of control.

[MandiH]

September 3~Daily Reflections

BUILDING A NEW LIFE

We feel a man is unthinking when he says sobriety is enough.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 82

When I reflect on Step Nine, I see that physical sobriety must be enough for me. I need to remember the hopelessness I felt before I found sobriety, and how I was willing to go to any lengths for it. Physical sobriety is not enough for those around me, however, since I must see that God’s gift is used to build a new life for my family and loved ones. Just as importantly, I must be available to help others who want the A.A. way of life.

I ask God to help me share the gift of sobriety so that its benefits may be shown to those I know and love.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

September 3~Language Of Letting Go

Word Power

I know I’m controlling, but so is my husband. Possibly more controlling than I am. Each time I set out to leave him, each time I started to walk away, he knew exactly what to say to pull me back in. And he knew I’d respond. He knew how to say exactly what I needed to hear to keep me where he wanted me. He knew what he was doing, and he knew what I would do. I know, because after we began recovering, he told me so.

—ANONYMOUS

Some of us are so vulnerable to words.

A well-timed “I love you.” A chosen moment for “I’m sorry.” An excuse delivered in the right tone of voice. A pat on the head. A dozen roses. A kiss. A greeting card. A few words that promise love that has yet to be delivered can spin us into denial. Sometimes, it can keep us denying that we are being lied to, mistreated, or abused.

There are those who deliberately set out to sway us, to control and manipulate us through cheap talk! They know, they fully understand our vulnerability to a few well-timed words! Break through your naiveté. They know what they’re doing. They understand their impact on us!

We do not have to give such power to words, even though the words may be just what we want and need to hear, even though they sound so good, even though the words seem to stop the pain.

Sooner or later, we will come to realize that if behavior doesn’t match a person’s words, we are allowing ourselves to be controlled, manipulated, deceived. Sooner or later, we will come to realize that talk is cheap, unless the person’s behavior matches it.

We can come to demand congruency in the behavior and the words of those around us. We can learn to not be manipulated, or swayed, by cheap talk.

We cannot control what others do, but we can choose our own behaviors and our own course of action. We do not have to let cheap, well-timed talk control us—even if the words we hear are exactly what we want to hear to stop our pain.

Today, I will let go of my vulnerability to words. God, help me trust myself to know the truth, even when I am being deceived. Help me cherish those relationships where there is congruity. Help me believe I deserve congruity and truth in the behavior and the words of those I care about.

[MandiH]

I am just reflecting on this reading. I’m down with covid at the moment and feeling pretty crappy but I’m SO effing grateful I have this program of recovery.

I’m not normally someone who upsets easily anymore, because of the work I’ve done in this program.

However, when you’re hateful towards my family-the old me wants to play.

My mom told me last week in passing that she had a long term “friend” who was just constantly after her lately. Bashing on her for her views on politics, how she raised us kids, how we are, how her grandchildren are-the whole gamet. Mom set boundaries, told her that she doesn’t need to take that and blocked all methods of contact.

I know this woman quite well and it made me sad it’s come to that. She is deep in the bottle and she’s losing everyone in her life with her spewing.

I am definitely more short when I’m not feeling well. Today I came across a post where she’s publically slamming my entire family again. She didn’t use names but she’s posted it 4 days in a row now and keeps sharing the old posts too because it’s not getting enough attention. The only circumstances that weren’t slammed were mine. She’s told me in the past I’m the only one that “got it” in my family, but in truth I’m still far from perfect myself.

At first, I wanted to respond. I thought about allllll the different ways I could respond too. There were so many different ways, all in my mind seemed fairly tactful but that was likley the old alcoholic coming out to justify my old behaviors.

Instead? I thought about what my sponsor would tell me and I said nothing. Instead I prayed the sick prayer friend for her. She is not well. She is in her illness. She is pushing everyone away and literally drowning in her misery. I’ve been there. I’ve been her, high up on my judgemental horse. Even me wanting to respond and defend my family was judging her and wanting to be righteous. Which, is the last thing that would be.

Sermon on the mount talks about love and forgiveness and having healthy relationships as being righteous. And in any of my responses, I would have only done the opposite.

So, this is different than today’s reading but it fell along the same lines and I felt called to own my stuff today so since I have no voice to call anyone, I felt called to share it here apparently lol.

Love you all!

[MandiH]

September 4~Daily Reflections

RECONSTRUCTION

Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. . . .
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83

The reconstruction of my life is the prime goal in my recovery as I avoid taking that first drink, one day at a time. The task is most successfully accomplished by working the Steps of our Fellowship. The spiritual life is not a theory; it works, but I have to live it. Step Two started me on my journey to develop a spiritual life; Step Nine allows me to move into the final phase of the initial Steps which taught me how to live a spiritual life. Without the guidance and strength of a Higher Power, it would be impossible to proceed through the various stages of reconstruction. I realize that God works for me and through me. Proof comes to me when I realize that God did for me what I could not do for myself, by removing that gnawing compulsion to drink. I must continue daily to seek God’s guidance. He grants me a daily reprieve and will provide the power I need for reconstruction.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

September 4~Language Of Letting Go

Finding Direction

I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people’s lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life.

— ANONYMOUS

We each have a life to live, one that has purpose and meaning. We can help our Higher Power give direction and purpose to our life by setting goals.

We can set goals annually, monthly, or daily in times of crisis. Goals create direction and pace; goals help us achieve a manageable life that is directed in the course we choose for ourselves.

We can help give our lives direction by setting goals.

Today, I will pay attention to setting a course of action for my life, rather than letting others control my life and affairs.

[MandiH]

September 5~Daily Reflections

EMOTIONAL BALANCE

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, . . .
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 83

When I survey my drinking days, I recall many people whom my life touched casually, but whose days I troubled through my anger and sarcasm. These people are untraceable, and direct amends to them are not possible. The only amends I can make to those untraceable individuals, the only “changes for the better” I can offer, are indirect amends made to other people, whose paths briefly cross mine. Courtesy and kindness, regularly practiced, help me to live in emotional balance, at peace with myself.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

September 5~Language Of Letting Go

Step Ten

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

— STEP TEN OF AL-ANON

Once we have worked our way to this Step, we can maintain and increase our self-esteem by regularly working Step Ten.

This Step incorporates the process we have gone through in Steps Four through Nine. We do not work this Step to punish ourselves or to hold ourselves under a constantly critical and demeaning microscope. We do it to maintain self-esteem and harmony in our relationship with ourselves and others. We do it to stay on track.

When an issue or problem emerges and needs our attention, identify it and openly discuss it with at least one safe person and God. Accept it. Become willing to let go of it. Ask God to take it from us. Have a change of heart by the willingness to make whatever amend is called for—to do what is necessary to take care of ourselves. Take an appropriate action to resolve the matter. Then let go of the guilt and shame.

This is a simple formula for taking care of ourselves. This is how we change. This is how we become changed. This is the process for healing and health. This is the process for achieving self-responsibility and self-esteem.

The next time we do something that bothers us, the next time we feel off track or off course, we don’t have to waste our time or energy feeling ashamed. We can take a Tenth Step. Let the process happen. And move on with our life.

God, help me make this Step and other Steps a habitual way of responding to life and my issues. Help me know that I am free to live, to allow myself to fully experiment with and experience life. If I get off course, or if an issue arises that demands my attention, help me deal with it by using the Tenth Step.

[MandiH]

September 6~Daily Reflections

REMOVING THREATS TO SOBRIETY

. . . except when to do so would injure them or others.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59

Step Nine restores in me a feeling of belonging, not only to the human race but also to the everyday world. First, the Step makes me leave the safety of A.A., so that I may deal with non-A.A. people “out there,” on their terms, not mine. It is a frightening but necessary action if I am to get back into life. Second, Step Nine allows me to remove threats to my sobriety by healing past relationships. Step Nine points the way to a more serene sobriety by letting me clear away past wreckage, lest it bring me down.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

September 6~Language Of Letting Go

The Good in Step Ten

Step Ten says: “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” It does not suggest that we ignore what is right in our life. It says we continue to take a personal inventory and keep a focus on ourselves.

When we take an inventory, we will want to look for many things. We can search out feelings that need our attention. We can look for low self-esteem creeping back in. We can look for old ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving. We can look for mistakes that need correcting.

But a critical part of our inventory can focus on what we’re doing right and on all that is good around us.

Part of our codependency is an obsessive focus on what’s wrong and what we might be doing wrong—real or imagined. In recovery we’re learning to focus on what’s right.

Look fearlessly, with a loving, positive eye. What did you do right today? Did you behave differently today than you would have a year ago? Did you reach out to someone and allow yourself to be vulnerable? You can compliment yourself for that.

Did you have a bad day but dealt effectively with it? Did you practice gratitude or acceptance? Did you take a risk, own your power, or set a boundary? Did you take responsibility for yourself in a way that you might not have before?

Did you take time for prayer or meditation? Did you trust God? Did you let someone do something for you?

Even on our worst days, we can find one thing we did right. We can find something to feel hopeful about. We can find something to look forward to. We can focus realistically on visions of what can be.

God, help me let go of my need to stay immersed in negativity. I can change the energy in myself and my environment from negative to positive. I will affirm the good until it sinks in and feels real. I will also strive to find one quality that I like about someone else who’s important to me, and I will take the risk of telling him or her that.