Daily Reflections & Daily Readings

[MandiH]

September 13~Daily Reflections

REPAIRING THE DAMAGE

Good judgment, a careful sense of timing, courage and prudence – these are the qualities we shall need when we take Step Nine.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 83

To make amends can be viewed two ways: first, that of repairing damage, for if I have damaged my neighbor’s fence, I “make a mend,” and that is a direct amend; the second way is by modifying my behavior, for if my actions have harmed someone, I make a daily effort to cause no further harm. I “mend my ways,” and that is an indirect amend. Which is the best approach? The only right approach, provided that I am causing no further harm in so doing, is to do both. If harm is done, then I simply “mend my ways.” To take action in this manner assures me of making honest amends.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

September 13~Language Of Letting Go

Times of Reprogramming

Recovery is not all tiresome, unrewarded work. There are times of joy and rest, times when we comfortably practice what we have learned. There are times of change, times when we struggle to learn something new or overcome a particular problem.

These are the times when what we’ve been practicing in recovery begins to show in our life. These times of change are intense, but purposeful.

There are also times when, at a deep level, we are being “reprogrammed.” We start letting go of beliefs and behaviors. We may feel frightened or confused during these times. Our old behaviors or patterns may not have worked for us, but they were comfortable and familiar.

During these times we may feel vulnerable, lonely, and needy—like we are on a journey without a road map or a flashlight, and we feel as if no one has traveled this ground before.

We may not understand what is being worked out in us. We may not know where or if we are being led.

We are being led. We are not alone. Our Higher Power is working His finest and best to bring true change in us. Others have traveled this road too. We will be led to someone who can help us, someone who can provide the markers we need.

We are being prepared for receiving as much joy and love as our heart can hold.

Recovery is a healing process. We can trust it, even when we don’t understand it. We are right where we need to be in this process; we’re going through exactly what we need to experience. And where we’re going is better than any place we’ve been.

Today, God, help me believe that the changes I’m going through are for the good. Help me believe that the road I’m traveling will lead to a place of light, love, and joy.

[MandiH]

September 13~Walk In Dry Places

Learning to Cut my Losses

Honesty

Business people speak of “cutting their losses” when it becomes clear that a venture is going sour. As recovering alcoholics, we need to practice the same principle when we’re obviously on the wrong track.

If a resentment is developing, for example, the sooner we spot it and clear it out, the less damage we
suffer. In the same way, we may be engaging in selfish but destructive behavior, or perhaps something that borders on being illicit or dishonest.

We minimize our losses by admitting the wrong and getting back to our basic principles of living.

In cutting our losses, the usual barriers are pride and self-deception. While these shortcomings will probably always dog us, we at least have experience in dealing with them, or we wouldn’t have made any
progress in sobriety.

If a course of thought or action isn’t working out well, perhaps it’s time today to cut my loses in order to get back on the right track.

[MandiH]

September 13~Keep It Simple

People seldom improve when they have no model but themselves to copy.—Oliver Goldsmith

If we had to get well by ourselves, we’d be in trouble. We’ve already tried this route.

We need to learn a new way to live, not the old way we already know.

That’s why we have sponsors in Twelve Step programs. Sponsors are one of the best things about our recovery. We pick people who are happy and doing well in recovery.

Then we copy them. We copy them because sponsors are special people who have what we want. They have sobriety. They have happiness. They have common sense.

They have peace and serenity. And they will help us get those things too. We learn a new way to live from them.

Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, help me pick good models. Help me copy what works for them.

Action for the Day: If I don’t have a sponsor now, I’ll work today on getting one.

[MandiH]

September 14~Daily Reflections

PEACE OF MIND

Do we lay the matter before our sponsor or spiritual adviser, earnestly asking God’s help and guidance — meanwhile resolving to do the right thing when it becomes clear, cost what it may?
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 86-87

My belief in a Higher Power is an essential part of my work on Step Nine; forgiveness, timing, and right motives are the other ingredients. My willingness to do the Step is a growing experience that opens the door for new and honest relationships with the people I have harmed. My responsible action brings me closer to the spiritual principles of the program — love and service. Peace of mind, serenity, and a stronger faith are sure to follow.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

September 14~Language Of Letting Go

What’s Good for Me?

When we are soul-searching, be it for the smaller or larger decisions we face during the day, we can learn to ask, is this good for me? . . . Is this what I really want? . . . Is this what I need? . . . Does this direction feel right for me? . . . Or am I succumbing to the control and influence that I sometimes allow others to have over me?

It is not unhealthy selfishness to question if something is good for us. That is an old way of thinking. To ask if something is good for us is a healthy behavior, not to be ashamed of, and will probably work out in the other person’s best interests too.

We shall not wander down a selfish path of self-indulgence by asking if a thing is good for us. We shall not stray from God’s intended plan, God’s highest good, by asking if a thing is good for us. By asking ourselves this simple question, we participate in directing our life toward the highest good and purpose; we own our power to hold ourselves in self-esteem.

Today, I will begin acting in my best interests. I will do this with the understanding that, on occasion, my choices will not please everyone around me. I will do this with the understanding that asking if a thing is good for me will ultimately help me take true responsibility for my life and my choices.

[MandiH]

September 14~Walk In Dry Places

Am I getting too busy?

Time Management.

It’s always risky when a recovering person gets too busy for meetings.

It’s also dangerous when business and personal concerns crowd out interest in the program.

We should never deceive ourselves by thinking that we’re somehow safe just because our time is filled
with useful and interesting work.

Many of us have a tendency to become addicted to “busy-ness”.

Though less destructive than drinking, this serves as an escape, just as alcohol did.

The danger is that when the work no longer satisfies us, we’ll find our lives becoming empty again. We
could then be very vulnerable to taking a drink.
We should never be too busy for the wonderful, constructive work of the program.

Far from taking time away from our other actives, work in the program will enhance everything we do.

I’ll try to balance my activities today, making sure that I have time for the program.

[MandiH]

September 14~Each Day a New Beginning

What a strange pattern the shuttle of life can weave. --Frances Marion

How shortsighted is our judgment about today’s experiences! We’ll see with clarity where they may lead us only after we’ve reached our destination.

Of one thing we can be certain: Today’s experiences, in concert with yesterday’s and all that’s gone
before, are combining to weave an intricate life design, unique, purposeful, and for our ultimate good.

We need not feel remorse over lost chances or unproductive behavior in the past. Our destination remains the same, and our arrival is guaranteed.

Our actions and decisions are never wrong. We may veer off course for a time, but the design for our lives will pull us back on the track.

The program is part of the design for our lives. It’s helping us to stay on course. In fact, when we’re
working the Steps, we’re at ease with our direction, and we trust the outcome of our efforts to the power
of the program.

We will add to the richness of our design, today, just as we have every day of our lives.

We can anticipate today’s experiences with an excited heart.

There is something special going on in my life today. I will give everybody and every event my full attention.

[MandiH]

September 15~Daily Reflections

A NEW LIFE

Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. . . . Life will mean something at last.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 152

Life is better without alcohol. A.A. and the presence of a Higher Power keeps me sober, but the grace of God does even better; it brings service into my life. Contact with the A.A. program teaches me a new and greater understanding of what Alcoholics Anonymous is and what it does, but most importantly, it helps to show me who I am: an alcoholic who needs the constant experience of the Alcoholics Anonymous program so that I may live a life given to me by my Higher Power.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

September 15~Language Of Letting Go

Getting Through Hard Times

We are sturdy beings. But in many ways, we are fragile. We can accept change and loss, but this comes at our own pace and in our own way. And only we and God can determine the timing.

— CODEPENDENT NO MORE

Hard times, stressful times, are not all there is to life, but they are part of life, growth, and moving forward.

What we do with hard times, or hard energy, is our choice.

We can use the energy of hard times to work out, and work through, our issues. We can use it to fine-tune our skills and our spirituality. Or we can go through these situations suffering, storing up bitterness, and refusing to grow or change.

Hard times can motivate and mold us to bring out our best. We can use these times to move forward and upward to higher levels of living, loving, and growth.

The choice is ours. Will we let ourselves feel? Will we take a spiritual approach, including gratitude, toward the event? Will we question life and our Higher Power by asking what we’re supposed to be learning and doing? Or will we use the incident to prove old, negative beliefs? Will we say “Nothing good ever happens to me. . . . I’m just a victim. . . . People can’t be trusted. . . . Life isn’t worth living”?

We do not always require hard energy, or stress, to motivate us to grow and change. We do not have to create stress, seek it, or attract it. But if it’s there, we can learn to channel it into growth and use it for achieving what’s good in life.

God, let my hard times be healing times.

[MandiH]

September 16~Daily Reflections

WE STAND—OR FALL—TOGETHER

. . . no society of men and women ever had a more urgent need for continuous effectiveness and permanent unity. We alcoholics see that we must work together and hang together, else most of us will finally die alone.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 561

Just as the Twelve Steps of A.A. are written in a specific sequence for a reason, so it is with the Twelve Traditions. The First Step and the First Tradition attempt to instill in me enough humility to allow me a chance at survival. Together they are the basic foundation upon which the Steps and Traditions that follow are built. It is a process of ego deflation which allows me to grow as an individual through the Steps, and as a contributing member of a group through the Traditions. Full acceptance of the First Tradition allows me to set aside personal ambitions, fears and anger when they are in conflict with the common good, thus permitting me to work with others for our mutual survival. Without Tradition One I stand little chance of maintaining the unity required to work with others effectively, and I also stand to lose the remaining Traditions, the Fellowship, and my life.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

September 16~Language Of Letting Go

Revenge

No matter how long we’ve been recovering, no matter how solid our spiritual ground, we may still feel an overwhelming desire at times to punish, or get even, with another person.

We want revenge.

We want to see the other person hurt the way he or she has hurt us. We want to see life deal that person just rewards. In fact, we would like to help life out.

Those are normal feelings, but we do not have to act on them. These feelings are part of our anger but it’s not our job to deal justice.

We can allow ourselves to feel the anger. It is helpful to go one step deeper and let ourselves feel the other feelings—the hurt, the pain, the anguish. But our goal is to release the feelings, and be finished with them.

We can hold the other person accountable. We can hold the other person responsible. But it is not our responsibility to be judge and jury. Actively seeking revenge will not help us. It will block us and hold us back.

Walk away. Stop playing the game. Unhook. Learn your lesson. Thank the other person for having taught you something valuable. And be finished with it. Put it behind, with the lesson intact.

Acceptance helps. So does forgiveness—not the kind that invites that person to use us again, but a forgiveness that releases the other person and sets him or her free to walk a separate path, while releasing our anger and resentments. That sets us free to walk our own path.

Today, I will be as angry as I need to be, with a goal of finishing my business with others. Once I have released my hurt and anger, I will strive for healthy forgiveness—forgiveness with boundaries. I understand that boundaries, coupled with forgiveness and compassion, will move me forward.

[MandiH]

September 16~Walk In Dry Places

The world will recover

Belief

If our recovery program is working properly, an amazing thing can happen. Instead of being the bad
actors of society, we become people who can be considered solid citizens in every way… So square that we might even have sharp corners.

We might then start becoming critical of the world in general. “I’ve recovered, so why does the rest of the
world have to be the way it is?”

A person might say. “Why don’t other people do something about their resentments and fears, just as I have?”

In asking such a question, we’re already in danger of becoming self-righteous.

We can remember, however, that our Higher Power has the same concern for others that was shown to us.

By the grace of God, and in God’s own good time, the world can and will recover.

I’ll remember today that God is in charge of the world and will set all things straight, just as I was brought to recovery.

[MandiH]

September 17~Daily Reflections

FREEDOM FROM FEAR

When, with God’s help, we calmly accepted our lot, then we found we could live at peace with ourselves and show others who still suffered the same fears that they could get over them, too. We found that freedom from fear was more important than freedom from want.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 122

Material values ruled my life for many years during my active alcoholism. I believed that all of my possessions would make me happy, yet I still felt bankrupt after I obtained them. When I first came into A.A., I found out about a new way of living. As a result of learning to trust others, I began to believe in a power greater than myself. Having faith freed me from the bondage of self. As material gains were replaced by the gifts of the spirit, my life became manageable. I then chose to share my experiences with other alcoholics.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

September 17~Language Of Letting Go

New Relationship Behaviors

We talk much about new relationship behaviors in recovery: allowing others to be themselves without over-reacting and taking it personally, and owning our power to take care of ourselves. We talk about letting go of our need to control, focusing on self-responsibility, and not setting ourselves up to be victims by focusing on the other person while neglecting ourselves. We talk about having and setting healthy boundaries, talking directly, and taking responsibility for what we want and need.

While these behaviors certainly help us deal with addicted people, these are not behaviors intended only for use in what we call “dysfunctional relationships.”

These behaviors are our new relationship behaviors. They help us in stressful relationships. They can help us get through times of stress in healthy relationships.

The recovery behaviors we are learning are tools—healthy relationships skills—that help us improve the quality of all our relationships.

Recovery means self-care—learning to take care of ourselves and love ourselves—with people. The healthier we become, the healthier our relationships will become. And we’ll never outgrow our need for healthy behaviors.

Today, I will remember to apply my recovery behaviors in all my relationships—with friends and co-workers, as well as in any special love relationship. I will work hard at taking care of myself in the troublesome relationships, figuring out which skill might best apply. I will also consider ways that my healthy relationships might benefit from my new relationship skills.

[MandiH]

September 17~A Day at a Time

Reflection For The Day

In a letter to a friend, AA co-founder Bill W. wrote, “I don’t think happiness or unhappiness is the point.
How do we meet the problems we face? How do we best learn from them and transmit what we have
learned to others, if they would receive the knowledge?

In my view, we of this world are pupils in a great school of life. It is intended that we try to grow, and that we try to help our fellow travelers to grow in the kind of love that makes no demands…When pain comes, we are expected to learn from it willingly, and help others to learn. When happiness comes, we accept it as a gift, and thank God for it.”

Can I accept both pain and happiness willingly?

Today I Pray

God, please help me remember that everything that happens to me has its worth, including the misery of
addiction. May I believe that even my dependency was part of God’s Grand Scheme to bring me to Him.
Today I Will Remember All that I am is all that has happened to me.

[MandiH]

September 17~Sermon On The Mount (This is my own personal reading & reflection, this is not a daily reading book)

“Never try to force people to accept spiritual truth. Instead, see to it that they are so favorably impressed by your own life and conduct, and the peace and joy that radiate from you, that they will come running to you of their own accord, begging you to give them the wonderful thing that you have”. ~pg. 49

In my family I sometimes want them to be where I am with some peace, joy or serenity and I can give them unsolicited advice, trying to get them to come to where I am. OR, I can just live my life, take the pressure off them that I was actually adding to their lives by telling them what they “should” do, and just be me. I can just listen. I can tell them I’m here if they need something. And I can continue on my own path. If they want what I have, they will come to me.

Sometimes I forget this, especially when things are trying in those relationship dynamics. I can want to “fix” or control things, but instead I just need to be rock solid in this new way of life for myself and that’s where the best changes can actually happen to impact those around me.

Attraction vs promotion is the AA way afterall.

[MandiH]

September 18~Daily Reflections

LOVED BACK TO RECOVERY

Our whole treasured philosophy of self-sufficiency had to be cast aside. This had not been done with old-fashioned willpower; it was instead a matter of developing the willingness to accept these new facts of living. We neither ran nor fought. But accept we did. And then we were free.
BEST OF THE GRAPEVINE, Vol. I, p. 198

I can be free of my old enslaving self. After a while I recognize, and believe in, the good within myself. I see that I have been loved back to recovery by my Higher Power, who envelops me. My Higher Power becomes that source of love and strength that is performing a continuing miracle in me. I am sober . . . and I am grateful.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

September 18~Language Of Letting Go

Letting the Good Stuff Happen

Before recovery, my relationships were lousy. I didn’t do very well on my job. I was enmeshed in my dysfunctional family. But at least I knew what to expect!

— ANONYMOUS

I want the second half of my life to be as good as the first half was miserable. Sometimes, I’m afraid it won’t be. Sometimes, I’m frightened it might be.

The good stuff can scare us. Change, even good change, can be frightening. In some ways, good changes can be more frightening than the hard times.

The past, particularly before recovery, may have become comfortably familiar. We knew what to expect in our relationships. They were predictable. They were repeats of the same pattern—the same behaviors, the same pain, over and over again. They may not have been what we wanted, but we knew what was going to happen.

This is not so when we change patterns and begin recovering.

We may have been fairly good at predicting events in most areas of our life. Relationships would be painful. We’d be deprived.

Each year would be almost a repeat of the last. Sometimes it got a little worse, sometimes a little better, but the change wasn’t drastic. Not until the moment when we began recovery.

Then things changed. And the further we progress in this miraculous program, the more we and our circumstances change. We begin to explore uncharted territory.

Things get good. They do get better all the time. We begin to become successful in love, in work, in life. One day at a time, the good stuff begins to happen and the misery dissipates.

We no longer want to be a victim of life. We’ve learned to avoid unnecessary crisis and trauma.

Life gets good.

“How do I handle the good stuff?” asked one woman. “It’s harder and more foreign than the pain and tragedy.”

“The same way we handled the difficult and the painful experiences” I replied. “One day at a time.”

Today, God, help me let go of my need to be in pain and crisis. Help me move as swiftly as possible through sad feelings and problems. Help me find my base and balance in peace, joy, and gratitude. Help me work as hard at accepting what’s good as I have worked in the past at accepting the painful and the difficult.

[MandiH]

September 18~Keep It Simple

We feel that the elimination of our drinking is but a beginning.—Alcoholics Anonymous

Giving up alcohol or other drugs is just the start. Even if we give up chemicals, can we be happy if we
have our old life back in every other way?

We have to do more. We have to see how our illness has changed us.

To do this, we turn to the Steps. Our program teaches us to become new persons. We will change.

And the changes will make us happy. That’s the best part of recovery—change.

Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, make me open to changes that will heal me. Help see I’m not cured
just because I stopped drinking or using drugs.

Action for the Day: Today, I’ll chose one thing about myself I want to change.