Daily Reflections & Daily Readings

[MandiH]

September 24~Language Of Letting Go

Allowing Ourselves to Be Needy

We can accept ourselves as people who have needs—the need for comfort, love, understanding, friendship, healthy touch. We need positive reinforcement, someone to listen to us, someone to give to us. We are not weak for needing these things. These needs make us human and healthy. Getting our needs met—believing we deserve to have them met—makes us happy.

There are times, too, when in addition to our regular needs, we become particularly needy. At these times, we need more than we have to give out. That is okay too.

We can accept and incorporate our needs, and our needy side, into the whole of us. We can take responsibility for our needs. That doesn’t make us weak or deficient. It doesn’t mean we are not properly recovering, nor does it mean we’re being dependent in an unhealthy way. It makes our needs, and our needy side, manageable. Our needs stop controlling us, and we gain control.

And, our needs begin to get met.

Today, I will accept my needs and my needy side. I believe I deserve to get my needs met, and I will allow that to happen.

[MandiH]

September 24~Keep It Simple

To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves.— Will Durant

Sometimes we say bad things about others. When we do this, it makes us look bad too.

Our friends worry what we might say about them behind their backs. They’re afraid to trust us. We become known as gossips.

The things we say about other people tell a lot about us. We are kind or unkind.

We gossip or we don’t. This doesn’t mean we have to say everyone is wonderful all the time.

As we work our program to see ourselves better, we begin to see other people more clearly too. We see their strong points and their weak points. But we can know these things without gossiping about them.

Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, help me see others clearly, and in their best light. Let me bring out the
good in others.

Action for the Day: Today, I’ll list the people I’m closest to at work, school, and home. I’ll think of how I talk about them to others. Am I kind?

[MandiH]

September 25~Daily Reflections

FIRST THINGS FIRST

Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job – wife or no wife – we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 98

Before coming to A.A., I always had excuses for taking a drink: “She said . . . ,” “He said . . . ,” “I got fired yesterday,” “I got a great job today.” No area of my life could be good if I drank again. In sobriety my life gets better each day. I must always remember not to drink, to trust God, and to stay active in A.A. Am I putting anything before my sobriety, God, and A.A. today?

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

September 25~Language Of Letting Go

Peace with the Past

Even God cannot change the past.

— AGATHON

Holding on to the past, either through guilt, longing, denial, or resentment, is a waste of valuable energy—energy that can be used to transform today and tomorrow.

“I used to live in my past,” said one recovering woman. “I was either trying to change it, or I was letting it control me. Usually both.

“I constantly felt guilty about things that had happened. Things I had done; things others had done to me—even though I had made amends for most everything, the guilt ran deep. Everything was somehow my fault. I could never just let it go.

“I held on to anger for years, telling myself it was justified. I was in denial about a lot of things. Sometimes, I’d try to absolutely forget about my past, but I never really stopped and sorted through it; my past was like a dark cloud that followed me around, and I couldn’t shake clear of it. I guess I was scared to let it go, afraid of today, afraid of tomorrow.

“I’ve been recovering now for years, and it has taken me almost as many years to gain the proper perspective on my past. I’m learning I can’t forget it; I need to heal from it. I need to feel and let go of any feelings I still have, especially anger.

“I need to stop blaming myself for painful events that took place, and trust that everything has happened on schedule, and truly all is okay. I’ve learned to stop regretting, and to start being grateful.

“When I think about the past, I thank God for the healing and the memory. If something occurs that needs an amend, I make it and am done with it. I’ve learned to look at my past with compassion for myself, trusting that my Higher Power was in control, even then.

“I’ve healed from some of the worst things that happened to me. I’ve made peace with myself about these issues, and I’ve learned that healing from some of these issues has enabled me to help others to heal too. I’m able to see how the worst things helped form my character and developed some of my finer points.

“I’ve even developed gratitude for my failed relationships because they have brought me to who and where I am today.

“What I’ve learned has been acceptance—without guilt, anger, blame, or shame. I’ve even had to learn to accept the years I spent feeling guilty, angry, shameful, and blaming.”

We cannot control the past. But we can transform it by allowing ourselves to heal from it and by accepting it with love for ourselves and others. I know, because that woman is me.

Today, I will begin being grateful for my past. I cannot change what happened, but I can transform the past by owning my power now, to accept, heal, and learn from it.

[MandiH]

September 25~Each Day a New Beginning

We do not always like what is good for us in this world. --Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of us can look back and recall how we fought a particular change.

How certain we were that we wouldn’t survive the upheaval! Perhaps we lost a love or were forced to
leave a home or a job.

Retrospect allows us to see the good of the change, and we can see the necessary part each change has played in our development in recovery.

We’ve had to change to cover the distances we’ve traveled. And we’ll have to continue changing.

The program and its structure, and our faith in that structure, can ease the harsh consequences of change.

Our higher power wants only the best for us, of that we can be sure. However, the best may not always
“fit” when first we try it.

Patience, trust, and prayer are a winning combination when the time comes for us to accept a change.

We’ll know when it’s coming. Our present circumstances will begin to pinch.

Change means growth. It’s a time for celebration, not dread. It means I am ready to move ahead–that I
have “passed” the current test.

[MandiH]

September 26~Daily Reflections

OUR CHILDREN

The alcoholic may find it hard to re-establish friendly relations with his children. . . . In time they will see that he is a new man and in their own way they will let him know it. . . . From that point on, progress will be rapid. Marvelous results often follow such a reunion.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 134

While on the road to recovery I received a gift that could not be purchased. It was a card from my son in college, saying, “Dad, you can’t imagine how glad I am that everything is okay. Happy Birthday, I love you.” My son had told me that he loved me before. It had been during the previous Christmas holidays, when he had said to me, while crying, “Dad, I love you! Can’t you see what you’re doing to yourself?” I couldn’t. Choked with emotion, I had cried, but this time, when I received my son’s card, my tears were tears of joy, not desperation.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

September 26~Language Of Letting Go

Feeling Protected

Our task is not a naive one of feeling safe, of living and loving in a utopian world. One woman commented that our task is making ourselves feel safe while learning to live and love in a world that is unsafe.

We do not want to dwell on the dangers, for that gives power to the negative. Neither do we want to ignore them or pretend they don’t exist.

If we were going to sunbathe, we would not be naive about the dangers from the sun. We know that harmful rays can burn. We would take steps to protect ourselves, so that we could enjoy the benefits of the sun.

That is our task in recovery.

This is what a woman, a helping professional, told me:

Picture a sunscreen surrounding you. Place it around yourself—not too heavy and thick so no light can penetrate, and not so thin that you are exposed to danger.

See yourself protected by a sunscreen that is effective. Make certain that the screen is open to the good. For a while, your screen was too heavy. It held back what you wanted. Now change it to let the good come through.

This is your screen for life and the world. See it. Imagine it surrounding you always. It wraps you in love, in comfort, in protection. No harm can enter. No negative energy can penetrate the screen.

Go in peace; go in safety; go, now, knowing you are protected. Go anywhere you need to go. The evil has been blocked; the goodwill comes pouring forth. You do not have to work so hard at protecting yourself. You can relax and enjoy life, trusting that you are safe. Go without fear, for you are wrapped in love and protection. And you shall always be.

Today, I will envision myself wrapped in a shield that blocks the negative and harmful rays of the world, but it is constructed so that the good can enter.

[MandiH]

September 26~NA Just For Today

Seeing Ourselves In Others

“It will not make us better people to judge the faults of another.”~Basic Text, p.37

How easy it is to point out the faults of others!

There’s a reason for this: The defects we identify most easily in others are often the defects we are most familiar with in our own characters.

We may notice our best friend’s tendency to spend too much money, but if we examine our own spending habits we’ll probably find the same compulsiveness.

We may decide our sponsor is much too involved in service, but find that we haven’t spent a single weekend with our families in the past three months because of one service commitment or another.

What we dislike in our fellows are often those things we dislike most in ourselves.

We can turn this observation to our spiritual advantage.

When we are stricken with the impulse to judge someone else, we can redirect the impulse in such a way as to recognize our own defects more clearly.

What we see will guide our actions toward recovery and help us become emotionally healthy and happy individuals.

Just for today: I will look beyond the character defects of others and recognize my own.

[MandiH]

My personal reflection on this today:

I’m reminded today that other people are mirrors. What I see in another, I see in myself. It just isn’t always as obvious.

When I recognize what I see as part of the old me, I can give sympathy. Understanding. Love. Patience. Tolerance. Acceptance.

When I see something that I haven’t yet come to terms with within myself, I often have more irritation. Discontentment. Frustration. Anger. Resentment.

This is a reminder today for me to look inside when things rub me the wrong way. Chances are good it’s simply a reflection to the parts of myself I don’t want to face yet. But I’m being given an opportunity to do so and heal on a new layer.

The world is just a mirror.

[MandiH]

September 27~Daily Reflections

WITHOUT RESERVATION

When brimming with gratitude, one’s heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, . . .
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37

While practicing service to others, if my successes give rise to grandiosity, I must reflect on what brought me to this point. What has been given joyfully, with love, must be passed on without reservation and without expectation. For as I grow, I find that no matter how much I give with love, I receive much more in spirit.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

September 27~Language Of Letting Go

Temporary Setbacks

Sometimes, after we begin recovery, things in our life seem to get worse for a time. Our finances, our relationships, or our health may seem to deteriorate.

This is temporary; this is a normal part of recovery and healing. It may be the way things will be for a time, but not for long.

Keep working at recovery, and the trend will reverse. Before too long, things, and us, will be better than they were before. This time, the foundation will be solid.

God, help me trust You and recovery, even when I have setbacks. Help me remember that the problems are temporary, and when they are solved, I will be on more solid ground.

[MandiH]

September 27~Keep It Simple

Honesty is the backbone of our recovery program. Honesty opens us up. It breaks down the walls we had built around our secret world. Those walls made a prison for us. But all of that is now changed. We are free.

Honesty has made us wise. We aren’t sneaking drinks anymore. We don’t have a stash to protect.

People who didn’t trust us now depend on our honesty. People who worked hard to avoid us, now seek us out.

Self-honesty is the greatest gift we can give ourselves.

Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, You are truth. I pray that I may not turn away from truth. I will not lie.
My life depends on honesty.

Action For the Day: For twenty or thirty minutes, I will think about how learning to be honest has
changed my life.

[MandiH]

September 28~Daily Reflections

LOVE WITHOUT STRINGS

Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 89

Sponsorship held two surprises for me. First, that my sponsees cared about me. What I had thought was gratitude was more like love. They wanted me to be happy, to grow and remain sober. Knowing how they felt kept me from drinking more than once. Second, I discovered that I was able to love someone else responsibly, with respectful and genuine concern for that person’s growth. Before that time, I had thought that my ability to care sincerely about another’s well-being had atrophied from lack of use. To learn that I can love, without greed or anxiety, has been one of the deepest gifts the program has given me. Gratitude for that gift has kept me sober many times.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

September 28~Language Of Letting Go

Prayer

Here are some of my favorite prayers:

Help. Please. Don’t.

Show me. Guide me. Change me.

Are you there?

Why’d you do that?

Oh.

Thank you.

Today, I will tell God what I want to tell God, and listen for God’s answer. I will remember that I can trust God.

[MandiH]

September 28~One More Day

A positive, responsible person does not forget the past harm which may have been done because of earlier ignorance, thoughtlessness, or emotional limitations.- Lewis F. Presnall

We’ve learned to forgive those who we felt had done harm to us.

Our pain diminished over time, and we were able to let go of our bad feelings.

We are much less accepting of our own errors.

Years later we may continue to mercilessly judge ourselves for past mistakes. We can forgive ourselves by offering ourselves the same understanding we have offered those we love.

As we move to a new, gentler way of looking at ourselves, we can accept the mistakes we’ve made in the past and even understand them in context of where we were at the time.

I can remember past mistakes I have made, but I will be gentle with myself when I see how far I have
come.

[MandiH]

September 29~Daily Reflections

EXACTLY ALIKE

Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 89

A man came to the meeting drunk, interrupted the speakers, stood up and took his shirt off, staggered loudly back and forth for coffee, demanded to talk, and eventually called the group’s secretary an unquotable name and walked out. I was glad he was there – once again I saw what I had been like. But I also saw what I still am, and what I still could be. I don’t have to be drunk to want to be the exception and the center of attention. I have often felt abused and responded abusively when I was simply being treated as a garden variety human being. The more the man tried to insist he was different, the more I realized that he and I were exactly alike.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

September 29~Language Of Letting Go

The Importance of Money

We cannot afford to allow our focus in life to be money. That will not lead us into the abundance we’re seeking. Usually, it will not even lead to financial stability.

Money is important. We deserve to be paid what we’re worth. We will be paid what we’re worth when we believe we deserve to be. But often our plans fail when our primary consideration is money.

What do we really want to do? What do we feel led to do? What are our instincts telling us? What do we feel guided to do? What are we excited about doing? Seek to find a way to do that, without worrying about the money.

Consider the financial aspects. Set boundaries about what you need to be paid. Be reasonable. Expect to start at the bottom, and work up. But if you feel led toward a job, go for it.

Is there something we truly don’t want to do, something that goes against our grain, but we are trying to force ourselves into it “for the money”? Usually, that’s a behavior that backfires. It doesn’t work. We make ourselves miserable, and the money usually goes wrong too.

I have learned that when I am true to myself about work and what I need to be doing, the money will follow. Sometimes it’s not as much as I want; sometimes I’m pleasantly surprised, and it’s more. But I’m content, and I have enough.

Money is a consideration, but it cannot be our primary consideration if we are seeking spiritual security and peace of mind.

Today, I will make money a consideration, but I will not allow it to become my primary consideration. God, help me be true to myself and trust that the money will follow.

[MandiH]

September 30~Daily Reflections

THE CIRCLE AND THE TRIANGLE

The circle stands for the whole world of A.A., and the triangle stands for A.A.'s Three Legacies of Recovery, Unity, and Service. Within our wonderful new world, we have found freedom from our fatal obsession.
A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 139

Early in my A.A. life, I became employed in its services and I found the explanation of our society’s logo to be very appropriate. First, a circle of love and service with a well-balanced triangle inside, the base of which represents our Recovery through the Twelve Steps. Then the other two sides, representing Unity and Service, respectively. The three sides of the triangle are equal. As I grew in A.A. I soon identified myself with this symbol. I am the circle, and the sides of the triangle represent three aspects of my personality: physical, emotional sanity, and spirituality, the latter forming the symbol’s base. Taken together, all three aspects of my personality translate into a sober and happy life.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

September 30~Language Of Letting Go

Not a Victim

You are not a victim.

How deeply ingrained our self-image as a victim can be! How habitual our feelings of misery and helplessness! Victimization can be like a gray cloak that surrounds us, both attracting that which will victimize us and causing us to generate the feelings of victimization.

Victimization can be so habitual that we may feel victimized even by the good things that happen to us!

Got a new car? Yes, we sigh, but it doesn’t run as well as I expected, and after all, it cost so much. . . .

You’ve got such a nice family! Yes, we sigh, but there are problems. And we’ve had such hard times. . . .

Well, your career certainly is going well! Ah, we sigh, but there is such a price to pay for success. All that extra paperwork. . . .

I have learned that, if we set our mind to it, we have an incredible, almost awesome ability to find misery in any situation, even the most wonderful of circumstances.

Shoulders bent, head down, we shuffle through life taking our blows.

Be done with it. Take off the gray cloak of despair, negativity, and victimization. Hurl it; let it blow away in the wind.

We are not victims. We may have been victimized. We may have allowed ourselves to be victimized. We may have sought out, created, or re-created situations that victimized us. But we are not victims.

We can stand in our power. We do not have to allow ourselves to be victimized. We do not have to let others victimize us. We do not have to seek out misery in either the most miserable or the best situations.

We are free to stand in the glow of self-responsibility.

Set a boundary! Deal with the anger! Tell someone no, or stop that! Walk away from a relationship! Ask for what you need! Make choices and take responsibility for them. Explore options. Give yourself what you need! Stand up straight, head up, and claim your power. Claim responsibility for yourself!

And learn to enjoy what’s good.

Today, I will refuse to think, talk, speak, or act like a victim. Instead, I will joyfully claim responsibility for myself and focus on what’s good and right in my life.

[MandiH]

September 30~Walk In Dry Places

How do we communicate?

Carrying the message.

What we are always carries a stronger message than what we say.

This is why we’re sometimes turned off by people who seek to overwhelm us with charm. It’s also why
we can sometimes be drawn to people who are quiet and unassuming.

However it works, there is a powerful message in one’s unspoken thoughts and feelings.

We can usually sense, for example, the mood of people in a room, even when little is being said. If we spend any time with others, they will soon know much about us even if we say little.

This silent communication may be the great secret of AA’s success in reaching those who still suffer. If
we are living sober and want to help others, that’s he message we give out. That’s also a form of carrying
the message.

I’ll communicate today by maintaining a warm and friendly attitude toward every person I meet, knowing that thoughts and feelings speak louder than words.