Daily Reflections & Daily Readings

[MandiH]

October 6~Walk In Dry Places

By Their fruits

Inventory.

An old saying reminds us that the value of any spiritual effort can be measured by how well it work: “A good tree is known by its fruits.”

By that standard, the 12 Step movement fares very well. Its life-changing work has won consistent praise and has had continuous success ever since it became known to the public.

We can apply that same statement to new ideas as they appear in our lives.

If somebody has suggestions or advice, we might ask how well such ideas are working out for them. We would not take investment advice, for example, from someone who had repeatedly lost money.

We should always be wary of ideas that go counter to the basic principles of our program.

Some people may invite us to share their resentments, for example, but we have no obligation to do so. We will be even less inclined to do so when we look at the results they’re getting from their resentments. Evaluating ideas “by their fruits” is a good test.

I’ll be careful to look at all the facts in connection with any idea presented today.

I have a right to judge everything by results.

[MandiH]

October 7~Daily-Reflections

DAILY MONITORING

Continued to take personal inventory. . . .
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 88

The spiritual axiom referred to in the Tenth Step—“every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us”—also tells me that there are no exceptions to it. No matter how unreasonable others may seem, I am responsible for not reacting negatively. Regardless of what is happening around me I will always have the prerogative, and the responsibility, of choosing what happens within me. I am the creator of my own reality.

When I take my daily inventory, I know that I must stop judging others. If I judge others, I am probably judging myself. Whoever is upsetting me most is my best teacher. I have much to learn from him or her, and in my heart, I should thank that person.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

October 7~Language Of Letting Go

Letting Go of Naiveté

We can be loving, trusting people and still not allow ourselves to be used or abused. We don’t have to let people do whatever they want to us. Not all requests are legitimate! Not all requests require a yes!

Life may test us. People may seek out our weak spots. We may see a common denominator to the limits that are being tested in our life. If we have a weak spot in one area, we may find ourselves tested repeatedly in that area by family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors. Life, people, our Higher Power, and the Universe may be trying to teach us something specific.

When we learn that lesson, we will find that problems with that area dwindle. The boundary has been set, the power has been owned. For now, the lesson has been learned. We may need to be angry with certain people for a while, people who have pushed our tolerance over the edge. That’s okay. Soon, we can let go of the anger and exchange it for gratitude. These people have been here to help us learn about what we don’t want, what we won’t tolerate, and how to own our power.

We can thank them for what we have learned.

How much are we willing to tolerate? How far shall we let others go with us? How much of our anger and intuition shall we discount? Where are our limits? Do we have any? If we don’t, we’re in trouble.

There are times to not trust others, but instead trust ourselves and set boundaries with those around us.

Today, I will be open to new awareness about the areas where I need healthier boundaries. I will forego my naive assumption that the other person is always right. I will exchange that view for trusting myself, listening to myself, and having and setting healthy boundaries.

[MandiH]

October 7~Each Day a New Beginning

There is a divine plan of good at work in my life. I will let go and let it unfold. --Ruth P. Freedman

We are never certain of the full importance or the eventual impact of any single event in our lives. But of one thing we can be sure: Each experience offers something valuable to our overall development.

We must not discount the experiences that are long gone. They contributed to all we’ve achieved at the
present. And wherever today takes us will influence what tomorrow will bring.

Perhaps our greatest difficulty as recovering women is not trusting that life is a process and one that
promises goodness. That growth and change are guaranteed. That our lives have design, and we’re blessed therein.

Trusting isn’t easy. But we can learn, and we’ll discover freedom.

Letting go of the outcome of every experience, focusing instead on our efforts, making them as good as possible, validates our trust in the ultimate goodness of life.

Our frustrations diminish when our efforts, only, are our concern. How much easier our days go when we do our work and leave the outcome where it belongs.

I will know a new freedom when I let go and trust that “my plan” is unfolding as it must. I will do my
part, and no more.

[MandiH]

October 7~NA Just For Today

Depending On Our Higher Power

“As recovering addicts, we find that we are still dependent, but our dependence has shifted from the
things around us to a loving God and the inner strength we get in our relationship with Him.”
Basic Text pp.67-68

For many addicts, rebelliousness is second nature.

We didn’t want to depend on anyone or anything, and
especially not on God. The beauty of using, we thought, was that it gave us the power to be and feel
anything we wanted, all by ourselves.

But the price we paid for this illusory freedom was a dependence beyond our worst nightmares. Rather than freeing us, using enslaved us.

When we came to Narcotics Anonymous, we learned that dependence on God didn’t have to mean what
we may have thought it meant.

Yes, if we wanted to be restored to sanity, we would need to tap “a Power greater than ourselves.”
However, we could choose our own concept of this Higher Power - we could even make one up.

Dependence on a Higher Power would not limit us, we discovered; it would free us.

The Power we find in recovery is the power we lacked on our own. It is the love we were afraid to depend on others for. It is the sense of personal direction we never had, the guidance we couldn’t humble ourselves to ask for or trust others to give. It is all these things, and it is our own.

Today, we are grateful to have a Higher Power to depend on.

Just for today: I will depend on the love and inner strength I draw from the God of my own understanding.

[MandiH]

October 8~Daily Reflections

DAILY INVENTORY

. . . and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59

I was beginning to approach my new life of sobriety with unaccustomed enthusiasm. New friends were cropping up and some of my battered friendships had begun to be repaired. Life was exciting, and I even began to enjoy my work, becoming so bold as to issue a report on the lack of proper care for some of our clients. One day a co-worker informed me that my boss was really sore because a complaint, submitted over his head, had caused him much discomfort at the hands of his superiors. I knew that my report had created the problem, and began to feel responsible for my boss’s difficulty. In discussing the affair, my co-worker tried to reassure me that an apology was not necessary, but I soon became convinced that I had to do something, regardless of how it might turn out. When I approached my boss and owned up to my hand in his difficulties, he was surprised. But unexpected things came out of our encounter, and my boss and I were able to agree to interact more directly and effectively in the future.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

October 8~Language Of Letting Go

Learning to Wait

I’ve started to realize that waiting is an art, that waiting achieves things. Waiting can be very, very powerful. Time is a valuable thing. If you can wait two years, you can sometimes achieve something that you could not achieve today, however hard you worked, however much money you threw up in the air, however many times you banged your head against the wall. . . .

—THE COURAGE TO CHANGE BY DENNIS WHOLEY

The people who are most successful at living and loving are those who can learn to wait successfully. Not many people enjoy waiting or learning patience. Yet, waiting can be a powerful tool that will help us accomplish much good.

We cannot always have what we want when we want it. For different reasons, what we want to do, have, be, or accomplish is not available to us now. But there are things we could not do or have today, no matter what, that we can have in the future. Today, we would make ourselves crazy trying to accomplish what will come naturally and with ease later.

We can trust that all is on schedule. Waiting time is not wasted time. Something is being worked out—in us, in someone else, in the Universe.

We don’t have to put our life on hold while we wait. We can direct our attention elsewhere; we can practice acceptance and gratitude in the interim; we can trust that we do have a life to live while we are waiting—then we go about living it.

Deal with your frustration and impatience, but learn how to wait. The old saying, “You can’t always get what you want” isn’t entirely true. Often, in life, we can get what we want—especially the desires of our heart—if we can learn to wait.

Today, I am willing to learn the art of patience. If I am feeling powerless because I am waiting for something to happen and I am not in control of timing, I will focus on the power available to me by learning to wait.

[MandiH]

October 8~Keep It Simple

Just Say No.— Nancy Reagan

We addicts were great at saying no.

Our spouse asked us to help around the house and we said no and went drinking. Friends tried to care, but we said, “No, mind your own business!” Our parents or our kids begged us to stop drinking, but we said no.

We were also asked to say yes. We always said yes when asked if we wanted to have a drink or get high.

Addiction really mixed us up. When we said no, we should have said yes. And when we said yes we
should have said no.

In recovery, we do things better. We say yes when others ask for help. We say yes when somebody wants to give us love. We say no to alcohol and other drugs.

We finally answer yes and no the right way—the right way and at the right time for us.

Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, help me to always say yes to You, even when I’m tired or angry.

Action for the Day: In today’s inventory, I’ll ask myself if there are any ways I’m still saying no to my
program and Higher Power.

[MandiH]

October 9~Daily Reflections

A SPIRITUAL AXIOM

It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 90

I never truly understood the Tenth Step’s spiritual axiom until I had the following experience. I was sitting in my bedroom, reading into the wee hours, when suddenly I heard my dogs barking in the back yard. My neighbors frown on this kind of disturbance so, with mixed feelings of anger and shame, as well as fear of my neighbors’ disapproval, I immediately called in my dogs. Several weeks later the exact situation repeated itself but this time, because I was feeling more at peace with myself, I was able to accept the situation—dogs will bark—and I calmly called in the dogs. Both incidents taught me that when a person experiences nearly identical events and reacts two different ways, then it is not the event which is of prime importance, but the person’s spiritual condition. Feelings come from inside,not from outward circumstances. When my spiritual condition is positive, I react positively.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

October 9~Language Of Letting Go

Self-Disclosure

Learning to gently reveal who we are is how we open ourselves up to love and intimacy in our relationships.

Many of us have hidden under a protective shell, a casing that prevents others from seeing or hurting us. We do not want to be that vulnerable. We do not want to expose our thoughts, feelings, fears, weaknesses, and sometimes our strengths, to others.

We do not want others to see who we really are.

We may be afraid they might judge us, go away, or not like us. We may be uncertain that who we are is okay or exactly how we should reveal ourselves to others.

Being vulnerable can be frightening, especially if we have lived with people who abused, mistreated, manipulated, or did not appreciate us.

Little by little, we learn to take the risk of revealing ourselves. We disclose the real person within to others. We pick safe people, and we begin to disclose bits and pieces about ourselves.

Sometimes, out of fear, we may withhold, thinking that will help the relationship or will help others like us more. That is an illusion. Withholding who we are does not help us, the other person, or the relationship. Withholding is a behavior that backfires. For true intimacy and closeness to exist, for us to love ourselves and be content in a relationship, we need to disclose who we are.

That does not mean we tell all to everyone at once. That can be a self-defeating behavior too. We can learn to trust ourselves, about who to tell, when to tell, where to tell, and how much to tell.

To trust that people will love and like us if we are exactly who we are is frightening. But it is the only way we can achieve what we want in relationships. To let go of our need to control others—their opinions, their feelings about us, or the course of the relationship—is the key.

Gently, like a flower, we can learn to open up. Like a flower, we will do that when the sun shines and there is warmth.

Today, I will begin to take the risk of disclosing who I am to someone with whom I feel safe. I will let go of some of my protective devices and risk being vulnerable—even though I may have been taught differently, even though I may have taught myself differently. I will disclose who I am in a way that reflects self-responsibility, self-love, directness, and honesty. God, help me let go of my fears about disclosing who I am to people. Help me accept who I am, and help me let go of my need to be who people want me to be.

[MandiH]

October 10~Daily Reflections

FIXING ME, NOT YOU

If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 90

What a freedom I felt when this passage was pointed out to me! Suddenly I saw that I could do something about my anger, I could fix me, instead of trying to fix them. I believe that there are no exceptions to the axiom. When I am angry, my anger is always self-centered. I must keep reminding myself that I am human, that I am doing the best I can, even when that best is sometimes poor. So I ask God to remove my anger and truly set me free.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

October 10~Language Of Letting Go

Payoffs from Destructive Relationships

Sometimes it helps to understand that we may be receiving a payoff from relationships that cause us distress.

The relationship may be feeding into our helplessness or our martyr role.

Maybe the relationship feeds our need to be needed, enhancing our self-esteem by allowing us to feel in control or morally superior to the other person.

Some of us feel alleviated from financial or other kinds of responsibility by staying in a particular relationship.

“My father sexually abused me when I was a child,” said one woman. “I went on to spend the next twenty years blackmailing him emotionally and financially on this. I could get money from him whenever I wanted, and I never had to take financial responsibility for myself.”

Realizing that we may have gotten a codependent payoff from a relationship is not a cause for shame. It means we are searching out the blocks in ourselves that may be stopping our growth.

We can take responsibility for the part we may have played in keeping ourselves victimized. When we are willing to look honestly and fearlessly at the payoff and let it go, we will find the healing we’ve been seeking. We’ll also be ready to receive the positive, healthy payoffs available in relationships, the payoffs we really want and need.

Today, I will be open to looking at the payoffs I may have received from staying in unhealthy relationships, or from keeping destructive systems operating. I will become ready to let go of my need to stay in unhealthy systems; I am ready to face myself.

[MandiH]

October 10~NA Just For Today

Consequences

“Before we got clean, most of our actions were guided by impulse. Today, we are not locked into this
type of thinking.” Basic Text p. 87

Ever been tempted to do something even when you knew the results would be disastrous? Ever thought
about how much it was going to hurt to do what you were tempted to do, then proceed to do it anyway?

It is said that there are consequences to every action. Before we got clean, many of us simply didn’t
believe this.

But now we know exactly what it means. When we act, we know there will be consequences to pay.

No longer can we decide to do something in ignorance when we know full well that we won’t like
the price we’ll have to pay.

There’s a prize and a price. It’s okay to act despite the consequences if we’re willing to pay the price, but there’s always one to pay.

Just for today: I will think about the consequences of my actions before I take them.

[tailee17]

@MandiH

It is said that there are consequences to every action. Before we got clean, many of us simply didn’t
believe this.

Or being drunk I just didn’t care!

[MandiH]

Amen! I can still think this from time to time. Like, that ice crean I really wanted yesterday…it has consequences!

[MandiH]

October 11~Daily Reflections

SELF-RESTRAINT

Our first objective will be the development of self-restraint.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 91

My drive to work provides me with an opportunity for self-examination. One day while making this trip, I began to review my progress in sobriety, and was not happy with what I saw. I hoped that, as the work day progressed, I would forget these troublesome thoughts, but as one disappointment after another kept coming, my discontent only increased, and the pressures within me kept mounting.

I retreated to an isolated table in the lounge, and asked myself how I could make the most of the rest of the day. In the past, when things went wrong, I instinctively wanted to fight back. But during the short time I had been trying to live the A.A. program I had learned to step back and take a look at myself. I recognized that, although I was not the person I wanted to be, I had learned to not react in my old ways. Those old patterns of behavior only brought sorrow and hurt, to me and to others. I returned to my work station, determined to make the day a productive one, thanking God for the chance to make progress that day.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

October 11~Language Of Letting Go

Recovery

How easy it is to blame our problems on others. “Look at what he’s doing.”. . . “Look how long I’ve waited.”. . . “Why doesn’t she call?”. . . “If only he’d change then I’d be happy.”. . .

Often, our accusations are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and frustrated. In those moments, we may begin to believe that the solution to our pain and frustration is getting the other person to do what we want, or having the outcome we desire. But these self-defeating illusions put the power and control of our life in other people’s hands. We call this codependency.

The solution to our pain and frustration, however valid, is to acknowledge our own feelings. We feel the anger, the grief; then we let go of the feelings and find peace—within ourselves. We know our happiness isn’t controlled by another person, even though we may have convinced ourselves it is. We call this acceptance.

Then we decide that although we’d like our situation to be different, maybe our life is happening this way for a reason. Maybe there is a higher purpose and plan in play, one that’s better than we could have orchestrated. We call this faith.

Then we decide what we need to do, what is within our power to do to take care of ourselves. That’s called recovery.

It’s easy to point our finger at another, but it’s more rewarding to gently point it at ourselves.

Today, I will live with my pain and frustration by dealing with my own feelings.

[MandiH]

October 12 ~Daily Reflections

CURBING RASHNESS

When we speak or act hastily or rashly, the ability to be fair-minded and tolerant evaporates on the spot.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 91

Being fair-minded and tolerant is a goal toward which I must work daily. I ask God, as I understand Him, to help me to be loving and tolerant to my loved ones, and to those with whom I am in close contact. I ask for guidance to curb my speech when I am agitated, and I take a moment to reflect on the emotional upheaval my words may cause, not only to someone else, but also to myself. Prayer, meditation and inventories are the key to sound thinking and positive action for me.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

October 12~Language Of Letting Go

Being Gentle with Ourselves During Times of Grief

The process of adapting to change and loss takes energy. Grief is draining, sometimes exhausting. Some people need to “cocoon for transformation,” in Pat Carnes’s words, while going through grief.

We may feel more tired than usual. Our ability to function well in other areas of our life may be reduced, temporarily. We may want to hide out in the safety of our bedroom.

Grief is heavy. It can wear us down.

It’s okay to be gentle with ourselves when we’re going through change and grief. Yes, we want to maintain the disciplines of recovery. But we can be compassionate with ourselves. We do not have to expect more from ourselves than we can deliver during this time. We do not even have to expect as much from ourselves as we would normally and reasonably expect.

We may need more rest, more sleep, more comfort. We may be more needy and have less to give. It is okay to accept ourselves, and our changed needs, during times of grief, stress, and change.

It is okay to allow ourselves to cocoon during times of transformation. We can surrender to the process, and trust that a new, exciting energy is being created within us.

Before long, we will take wings and fly.

God, help me accept my changed needs during times of grief, change, and loss.

[MandiH]

October 12~Walk In Dry Places

A fatal Feature of alcoholism

Admitting defeat

Part of alcoholism’s deadliness lies in its peculiar tendency to blind the victim to the hopelessness of the situation.

Time and again, AA members meet people who are in the final stages of their disease, yet are still clinging to the fallacy that things are not as bad as they seem.

Indeed, many alcoholics who have engineered their own ruin still believe they are either victims of bad luck or of malevolent action by others.

Let’s remember, however, that others might not be so fortunate. We must not criticize them for not being able to accept the hopelessness of their condition. We should also look for our own blind spots about others problems in our lives.

I’ll remember today that only the 12 Step program arrested my fatal disease and keeps it at bay. I’ll feel
kndly toward others who are having trouble admitting defeat; maybe this is the day it will happen for them.