Daily Reflections & Daily Readings

[MandiH]

October 12~Keep It Simple

Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not words.—Alfred Adler

Being sober is an event. Being sober also means movement. We go to meetings. We find and meet with a sponsor. We talk with friends. If we don’t act in these ways, we’re not sober.

Our actions also tell us if we’re leading a spiritual life. What do you do when you see someone in need?

Spirituality means helping. It’s not just kind words.
In Step Four and Ten, we check out our action, not our words. Our actions will tell us if we’re on the
recovery path.

Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, help me to not hide in words. I pray for the strength to take the right
action. Help me walk a sober path.

Action for the Day: Today as I work Step Ten, I’ll focus only on my actions How have I acted sober
today?

[MandiH]

October 13~Daily Reflections
UNREMITTING INVENTORIES

Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

The immediate admission of wrong thoughts or actions is a tough task for most human beings, but for recovering alcoholics like me it is difficult because of my propensity toward ego, fear and pride. The freedom the A.A. program offers me becomes more abundant when, through unremitting inventories of myself, I admit, acknowledge and accept responsibility for my wrong-doing. It is possible then for me to grow into a deeper and better understanding of humility. My willingness to admit when the fault is mine facilitates the progression of my growth and helps me to become more understanding and helpful to others.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

October 13~Language Of Letting Go

Substance over Form

I’m learning that for a variety of reasons, I’ve spent much of my life focusing on form rather than substance. My focus has been on having my hair done perfectly, wearing the right clothes, having my makeup applied perfectly, living in the right place, furnishing it with the right furniture, working at the right job, and having the right man. Form, rather than substance, has controlled my behavior in many areas of my life. Now, I’m finally getting to the truth. It’s substance that counts.

— ANONYMOUS

There is nothing wrong in wanting to look our best. Whether we are striving to create a self, a relationship, or a life, we need to have some solid ideas about what we want that to look like.

Form gives us a place to begin. But for many of us, form has been a substitute for substance. We may have focused on form to compensate for feeling afraid or feeling inferior. We may have focused on form because we didn’t know how to focus on substance.

Form is the outline; substance is what fills it in. We fill in the outline of ourselves by being authentic; we fill in the outline of our life by showing up for life and participating to the best of our ability.

Now, in recovery, we’re learning to pay attention to how things work and feel, not just to what they look like.

Today, I will focus on substance in my life. I will fill in the lines of myself with a real person—me. I will concentrate on the substance of my relationships, rather than what they look like. I will focus on the real workings of my life, instead of the trappings.

[MandiH]

October 14~Daily Reflections

A PROGRAM FOR LIVING

When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. . . . On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. . . . Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86

I lacked serenity. With more to do than seemed possible, I fell further behind, no matter how hard I tried. Worries about things not done yesterday and fear of tomorrow’s deadlines denied me the calm I needed to be effective each day. Before taking Steps Ten and Eleven, I began to read passages like the one cited above. I tried to focus on God’s will, not my problems, and to trust that He would manage my day. It worked! Slowly, but it worked!

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

October 14~Language Of Letting Go

Controlling Versus Trust

There was a time in my life when I felt so afraid of and overwhelmed by the very act of living that I actually wanted to make out a schedule for each day of my life for the next five years. I wanted to include all the chores I had to do, when I would do them, even when I would schedule relaxation. I wanted to get some order into what felt overwhelming. I wanted to feel like I was in control.

— ANONYMOUS

Controlling is a direct response to our fear, panic, and sense of helplessness. It is a direct response to feeling overwhelmed, and to distrust.

We may not trust ourselves, our Higher Power, the Plan, the Universe, or the process of life. Instead of trusting, we revert to control.

We can approach this need to control by dealing with our fear. We deal with fear by trusting—ourselves, our Higher Power, the love and support of the Universe, the Plan, and this process we call life and recovery.

We can trust that when things don’t work out the way we want, God has something better planned.

We can trust ourselves to get where we need to go, say what we need to say, do what we need to do, know what we need to know, be who we need to be, and become all we can become, when we are intended to do that, when we are ready, and when the time is right.

We can trust our Higher Power and the Universe to give us all the direction we need.

We can trust ourselves to listen, and respond, accordingly.

We can trust that all we need on this journey shall come to us. We will not get all we need for the entire journey today. We shall receive today’s supplies today, and tomorrow’s supplies tomorrow. We were never intended to carry supplies for the entire journey. The burden would be too heavy, and the way was intended to be light.

Trust in yourself. We do not have to plan, control, and schedule all things. The schedule and plan have been written. All we need to do is show up.

The way will become clear and the supplies will be amply and clearly provided, one day at a time.

Trust, my friend, in today.

Today, I will trust that I will receive all I need to get me through today. I will trust that the same shall happen tomorrow.

[MandiH]

October 14~NA Just For Today

The End Of Loneliness

“With the love that I am shown in Narcotics Anonymous, I have no excuse for loneliness.”
Basic Text p. 262

Addiction is a lonely disease. We may be surrounded by people but, sooner or later, our addiction drives a
wedge between us and even our closest loved ones. Many of us are driven to Narcotics Anonymous by a
desperate loneliness.

Though we may approach the rooms of NA with caution and suspicion, we are welcomed with a hug, a smile, and a warm “keep coming back.” This may be the first place where we have felt welcome in a long, long while.

We watch other members talking and laughing, leaving the meeting in groups for more talk at
the local coffee shop. We wonder if we, too, could become a part of this loving bunch.

Our pattern of isolation can make it difficult for us to join in.

Over time, however, we begin to feel “a part
of” rather than “apart from.” Soon, when we walk into the rooms, we feel at home. We begin to make
friends and our lives start to change.

NA teaches us how to overcome our isolation.

Through our first tentative friendships formed in our home group, we start to find that making friends isn’t hard. A sense of belonging comes when we share
ourselves with others.

Just for today: I am thankful for the friendships my Higher Power has given me in NA. Because of them,
I am lonely no more.

[MandiH]

October 15~Daily Reflections

MY CHECKLIST, NOT YOURS

Gossip barbed with our anger, a polite form of murder by character assassination, has its satisfactions for us, too. Here we are not trying to help those we criticize; we are trying to proclaim our own righteousness.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 67

Sometimes I don’t realize that I gossiped about someone until the end of the day, when I take an inventory of the day’s activities, and then, my gossiping appears like a blemish in my beautiful day. How could I have said something like that? Gossip shows its ugly head during a coffee break or lunch with business associates, or I may gossip during the evening, when I’m tired from the day’s activities, and feel justified in bolstering my ego at the expense of someone else.

Character defects like gossip sneak into my life when I am not making a constant effort to work the Twelve Steps of recovery. I need to remind myself that my uniqueness is the blessing of my being, and that applies equally to everyone who crosses my path in life’s journey. Today the only inventory I need to take is my own. I’ll leave judgment of others to the Final Judge — Divine Providence.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

October 15~Language Of Letting Go

Letting Go of Chaos

No good work comes from unrest.

Unrest, fear, anger, or sadness may motivate us. These feelings are sometimes intended to compel action. But our best work emerges after these feelings have been replaced by peace.

We will not accomplish our task any sooner, or any better, by performing it out of a sense of urgency, fear, anger, or sadness.

Let go of unrest. Let peace fill the void. We do not have to forfeit our power, our God-given personal power—or our peace—to do the work as we are called upon to do today. We will be given all the power we need to do what we are meant to do, when it is time.

Let peace come first. Then proceed. The task will get done, naturally and on time.

Today, I will get peaceful first, and let my work and life emerge from that base.

[MandiH]

October 15~As Bill Sees It

MASTERING RESENTMENTS, p. 286

We began to see that the world and its people had really dominated us. Under that unhappy condition, the wrongdoing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill us, because we could be driven back to drink through resentment.

We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away.

This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.

So we asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend.

Today, we avoid retaliation or argument. We cannot treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our
chance of being helpful.

We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view
of each and every one.

[MandiH]

October 16~Daily Reflections

THROUGHOUT EACH DAY

This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

During my early years in A.A. I saw Step Ten as a suggestion that I periodically look at my behavior and reactions. If there was something wrong, I should admit it; if an apology was necessary, I should give one. After a few years of sobriety I felt I should undertake a self-examination more frequently. Not until several more years of sobriety had elapsed did I realize the full meaning of Step Ten, and the word “continued.” “Continued” does not mean occasionally, or frequently. It means throughout each day.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

October 16~Language Of Letting Go

Being Honest with Ourselves

Our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship we need to maintain. The quality of that relationship will determine the quality of our other relationships.

When we can tell ourselves how we feel, and accept our feelings, we can tell others.

When we can accept what we want and need, we will be ready to have our wants and needs met.

When we can accept what we think and believe, and accept what’s important to us, we can relay this to others.

When we learn to take ourselves seriously, others will too.

When we learn to chuckle at ourselves, we will be ready to laugh with others.

When we have learned to trust ourselves, we will be trustworthy and ready to trust.

When we can be grateful for who we are, we will have achieved self-love.

When we have achieved self-love and accepting our wants and needs, we will be ready to give and receive love.

When we’ve learned to stand on our own two feet, we’re ready to stand next to someone.

Today, I will focus on having a good relationship with myself.

[MandiH]

October 16~Keep It Simple

To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, you’re overdoing it. --Josh Jenkins

It’s okay to make mistakes. But we shouldn’t live a life of excuses. We shouldn’t slide over our mistakes;
we should learn from them.

Excuses keep us apart from ourselves and others.

People don’t trust us if we won’t admit and accept our mistakes. Relying on excuses dooms us to repeat the same mistakes.

In recovery, we admit and accept our behavior. We do this by continuing to take an inventory of our lives.

We do this so we can learn from our mistakes. “Owning” our mistakes helps us grow.

Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, help me own my mistakes. Thank-you for Step Ten and the growth it
holds for me.

Action for the Day: Today, I’ll list my five favorite excuses. I’ll think of the last time I used each of
these. What was I trying to avoid.

[MandiH]

I’m yet again reminded to look at my thinking with this reading. It goes with last night’s Living Sober reading I did in a meeting as well.

Do I just make excuses and continue to think as I used to? What beliefs do I have that hold me back? What are my bs excuses that remain? God knows I had a TON of them when I quit drinking. I’m sure there’s some sneakier ones that remain.

I have to remain honest about who I am, not only with myself but with others. I have to own my shit. And this is where I have the opportunity to REALLY connect with others.

I used to feel SO much shame when I screwed up and I’d try to cover it up. Now I know how to own it so I can change. I can’t change anything if I can’t own that there’s a problem.

This is yet another unexpected gift in my sobriety that I am grateful for! And I’m grateful for you all too!

Have a great day!

[MandiH]

At the end of this day, I’m reflecting more.

Holding boundaries can be such an interesting thing. It’s been a foreign concept for most of my life, until this program.

Yesterday I upheld some boundaries at work. I actually apologized to her today after listening to a speaker in our managers meeting. They spoke on core values and one was that our communications should be loving. I had a very fact based approach in my conversation yesterday instead, so I owned that.

I run our compliance department at work and there was no “fluff” in my part of the conversation. There was an issue and I discussed that with that departments manager. She made an executive decision and I stated that she was allowed to do so, but I would be documenting her decision to not follow protocol and what her reasoning was. She’s able to make that call, so I just documented that as a c.y.a measure for myself.

When I spoke to my sponsor tonight and word for word replayed the conversation to her, she said I did nothing wrong. I set boundaries. I didn’t overstep but I had a direct conversation, covered myself by noting it as her decision directly impacts my department and it goes completely against our policies. I didn’t hide that fact or try to use it to my advantage to look better or throw her under the bus. I just documented it and moved about my day, thinking nothing else about it until the comment came today that our conversations should be loving.

My sponsor pointed out there’s different ways to love. Sometimes love is being honest, even if it’s not what they want to hear. Sometimes it’s setting boundaries. Sometimes it’s fluffy & soft. Sometimes it’s a mix. But I didn’t need to apologize for not watering down my conversation with fluffy gooey love when a more direct approach was needed.

In my old life and drinking days, everything was watered down and fluffed up. And I was raked over the coals time and time again in all areas of life by my own actions and what I allowed because I wanted to be so fluffy and “nice”. So, while one reading talked about owning our stuff, the last one talked about our old ways of thinking. Does it serve me to act like I did in my drinking days? No. And being fluffy is an old behavior. I much prefer to be authentic & honest today. But sometimes I can feel bad about that and question if it’s loving.

Also, one of the readings talked about not making excuses. So, tonight I didn’t listen to my own bs excuses to why I shouldn’t workout today and instead I did the next right thing and got going.

I don’t often write about my own reflections on the readings for some reason, but today the pull to do so was strong. So, there’s some of my step 10 inventory for today.

[MandiH]

October 17~Daily Reflections

A DAILY TUNE-UP

Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85

How do I maintain my spiritual condition? For me it’s quite simple: on a daily basis I ask my Higher Power to grant me the gift of sobriety for that day! I have talked to many alcoholics who have gone back to drinking and I always ask them: “Did you pray for sobriety the day you took your first drink?” Not one of them said yes. As I practice Step Ten and try to keep my house in order on a daily basis, I have the knowledge that if I ask for a daily reprieve, it will be granted.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

October 17~Language Of Letting Go

Feelings and Surrender

Surrendering is a highly personal and spiritual experience.

Surrender is not something we can do in our heads. It is not something we can force or control by willpower. It is something we experience.

Acceptance, or surrender, is not a tidy package. Often, it is a package full of hard feelings—anger, rage, and sadness, followed by release and relief. As we surrender, we experience our frustration and anger at God, at other people, at ourselves, and at life. Then we come to the core of the pain and sadness, the heavy emotional burden inside that must come out before we can feel good. Often, these emotions are connected to healing and release at a deep level.

Surrender sets the wheels in motion. Our fear and anxiety about the future are released when we surrender.

We are protected. We are guided. Good things have been planned. The next step is now being taken. Surrender is the process that allows us to move forward. It is how our Higher Power moves us forward.

Trust in the rightness of timing, and the freedom at the other end, as you struggle humanly through this spiritual experience.

I will be open to the process of surrender in my life. I will allow myself all the awkward and potent emotions that must be released.

[MandiH]

October 17~NA Just For Today

“The Truth”

“Everything we know is subject to revision, especially what we know about the truth.” ~Basic Text, p.91

Many of us thought we could recognize “The Truth.” We believed the truth was one thing, certain and
unchanging, which we could grasp easily and without question.

The real truth, however, was that we often couldn’t see the truth if it hit us square in the face. Our disease colored everything in our lives, especially
our perception of the truth - in fact, what we “knew” about the truth nearly killed us.

Before we could begin to recognize truth, we had to switch our allegiance from our addiction to a Higher Power the source of all that is good and true.

The truth has changed as our faith in a Higher Power has grown. As we’ve worked the steps, our entire
lives have begun to change through the healing power of the principles of recovery.

In order to open the door for that change, we have had to surrender our attachment to an unchanging and rigid truth.

The truth becomes purer and simpler each time we encounter it. And just as the steps work in our lives
every day - if we allow them - our understanding of the truth may change each day as we grow.

Just for today: I will open my eyes and my heart to changes brought about by the steps. With an open
mind, I can understand the truth in my life today.

[MandiH]

October 18~Daily Reflections

AN OPEN MIND

True humility and an open mind can lead us to faith, . . .
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 33

My alcoholic thinking led me to believe that I could control my drinking, but I couldn’t. When I came to A.A., I realized that God was speaking to me through my group. My mind was open just enough to know that I needed His help. A real, honest acceptance of A.A. took more time, but with it came humility. I know how insane I was, and I am extremely grateful to have my sanity restored to me and to be a sober alcoholic. The new, sober me is a much better person than I ever could have been without A.A.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

October 18~Language Of Letting Go

Throwing Out the Rule Book

Many of us feel like we need a rule book, a microscope, and a warranty to get through life. We feel uncertain, frightened. We want the security of knowing what’s going to happen, and how we shall act.

We don’t trust ourselves or life.

We don’t trust the Plan.

We want to be in control.

“I’ve made terrible mistakes about my choices, mistakes that nearly destroyed me. Life has really shocked me. How can I trust myself? How can I trust life, and my instincts, after where I’ve been?” asked one woman.

It is understandable that we fear being crushed again, considering the way many of us were when we bottomed out on our codependency. We don’t have to be fearful. We can trust our self, our path, and our instincts.

Yes, we want to avoid making the same mistakes again. We are not the same people we were yesterday or last year. We’ve learned, grown, changed. We did what we needed to do then. If we made a mistake, we cannot let that stop us from living and fully experiencing today.

We have arrived at the understanding that we needed our experiences—even our mistakes—to get to where we are today. Do we know that we needed our life to unfold exactly as it did to find ourselves, our Higher Power, and this new way of life? Or is part of us still calling our past a mistake?

We can let go of our past and trust ourselves now. We do not have to punish ourselves with our past. We don’t need a rule book, a microscope, a warranty. All we really need is a mirror. We can look into the mirror and say “I trust you. No matter what happens, you can take care of yourself. And what happens will continue to be good, better than you think.”

Today, I will stop clinging to the painful lessons of the past. I will open myself to the positive lessons today and tomorrow hold for me. I trust that I can and will take care of myself now. I trust that the Plan is good, even when I don’t know what it is.

[MandiH]

October 18~Walk In Dry Places

Those who want it, Not those who need it.

Honest Desire

In the first bloom of sobriety, many recovering people confront drinking companions who also “need” the program.

They’re often surprised and disillusion when efforts to help their friends are rejected… sometimes curtly.

We’re truly limited to helping those who desire recovery, not those who we think need it.

Though intervention methods can be effective, we’re still largely helpless to assist those who don’t desire recovery.

We regret that we really have no answers for the millions who perish from alcoholism, unaware of their problem.

We also can hold out little hope that any future recovery attempts will succeed without the
individual alcoholic’s cooperation.

Desire… a personal determination and decision… is necessary for almost any kind of change. We have
the freedom to choose in many areas of our lives, and alcoholics must eventually choose recovery in order to find and maintain it.

Though I’d love to see others recover, I must accept the fact that their personal desire and choice is
necessary. I’ll remember this if any opportunities arise today to carry the message.