January 30
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January 30~Melody Beattie
Religious Freedom
â. . . a Power greater than ourselves. . . .â âGod as we understood Him.â These words introduce spirituality in the Twelve Steps. They are the first two references to God, and they are worded that way for a reason.
We each have the freedom to define, and understand, our Higher PowerâGodâas we choose.
That means we do not bring our religious affiliation into our recovery groups. It means that we do not try to impose our religious beliefs, or our understanding of God, on anyone else. We do not use our groups or meetings as a soap box to gain religious converts. We do not try to force the particulars of our religious beliefs on others.
We give ourselves, and each person, the right to a personal understanding of a Higher Power.
Today, I will respect other peopleâs understanding of God, as well as my own. I will not allow othersâ judgment of my beliefs to cause me anxiety and distress. I will seek to grow spiritually in recovery, with or without the assistance of a particular religion or denomination.
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January 31~Melody Beattie
Asking for What We Need
One evening, I was alone, weary, and exhausted. I was in the midst of extensive traveling, disconnected from friends and family. I had flown home for the evening, but it seemed like nobody noticed. People were used to me being gone.
It was late at night, and I began arguing with God.
âIâm out there working hard. Iâm lonely. I need to know someone cares. Youâve told me to tell You what I need, and tonight, God, I particularly need the presence of male energy. I need a friend, someone I can trust to care about me in a nonsexual, nonexploitive way. I need to be held. Now, where are you?â
I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes. I was too tired to do anything but let go.
The telephone rang minutes later. It was a former colleague who had since become my friend. âHey, kid,â he said. âYou sound really tired and needy. Stay right where you are. Iâm going to drive out and give you a foot-rub. It sounds exactly like what you need.â
Half an hour later, he knocked on my door. He brought a small bottle of oil with him, and gently massaged my feet, gave me a hug, told me how much he cared about me, then left.
I smiled. I had received exactly what I asked for.
It is safe to trust God.
Today, I will remember God cares about what I need, especially if I do.
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February 1~Melody Beattie
Step Two
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
â STEP TWO OF AL-ANON
We come to believe in a better life through the powerful gift of other peopleâhearing them, seeing them, watching the gift of recovery at work in their lives.
There is a Power greater than ourselves. There is real hope now that things can and will be different and better for us and our life.
We are not in a âdo it ourselvesâ program. We do not have to exert willpower to change. We do not have to force our recovery to happen. We do not have to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps just so we believe that there is a Power greater than ourselvesâone who will get the job done in our life. This Power will do for us what your greatest and most diligent efforts could not accomplish.
Our Higher Power will restore us to a sane and beneficial life. All we do is believe.
Look. Watch. See the people around you. See the healing they have found. Then discover your own faith, your own belief, your own healing.
Today, regardless of my circumstances, I will believe to the best of my ability that a Power greater than myself can and will restore me to a peaceful, sane way of living. Then I will relax and let Him do that.
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February 2~Melody Beattie
Trusting Our Higher Power
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
â STEP THREE OF AL-ANON
So much talk about a Higher Power, God as we understand God. So much joy as we come to understand Him.
Spirituality and spiritual growth are the foundations of change. Recovery from codependency is not a do-it-yourself task.
Is God a relentless taskmaster? A hard-hearted, shaming wizard with tricks up the sleeve? Is God deaf? Uncaring? Haphazard? Unforgiving?
No.
A loving God, a caring God. That is the God of our recovery. No more pain than is necessary for usefulness, healing, and cleansing. As much goodness and joy as our heart can hold, as soon as our heart is healed, open, and ready to receive. God: approving, accepting, instantly forgiving.
God has planned little gifts along the way to brighten our day, and sometimes big, delightful surprisesâperfectly timed, perfect for us.
A Master Artist, God will weave together all our joy, sadness, and experience to create a portrait of our life with depth, beauty, sensitivity, color, humor, and feeling.
God as we understand Him: A loving God. The God of our recovery.
Today, I will open myself to the care of a loving God. Then, I will let God show me love.
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February 3~Melodie Beattie
Rejecting Shame
Shame can be a powerful force in our life. It is the trademark of dysfunctional families.
Authentic, legitimate guilt is the feeling or thought that what we did is not okay. It indicates that our behavior needs to be corrected or altered, or an amend needs to be made.
Shame is an overwhelming negative sense that who we are isnât okay. Shame is a no-win situation. We can change our behaviors, but we canât change who we are. Shame can propel us deeper into self-defeating and sometimes self-destructive behaviors.
What are the things that can cause us to feel shame? We may feel ashamed when we have a problem or someone we love has a problem. We may feel ashamed for making mistakes or for succeeding. We may feel ashamed about certain feelings or thoughts. We may feel ashamed when we have fun, feel good, or are vulnerable enough to show ourselves to others. Some of us feel ashamed just for being.
Shame is a spell others put on us to control us, to keep us playing our part in dysfunctional systems. It is a spell many of us have learned to put on ourselves.
Learning to reject shame can change the quality of our life. Itâs okay to be who we are. We are good enough. Our feelings are okay. Our past is okay. Itâs okay to have problems, make mistakes, and struggle to find our path. Itâs okay to be human and cherish our humanness.
Accepting ourselves is the first step toward recovery. Letting go of shame about who we are is the next important step.
Today, I will watch for signs that I have fallen into shameâs trap. If I get hooked into shame, I will get myself out by accepting myself and affirming that itâs okay to be who I am.
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Thanks, Mandi. I appreciate the difference between guilt and shame that this reading illuminates. I donât think I am bad, but when I get that hot flush and the feeling Iâve done wrong, my thinking starts to slide down that hill. Before I did my 4th and 5th steps in AA, any current guilt would immediately connect to all the unexpressed and secret past guilts. I would feel overwhelmed and begin to think and feel that I was unlovable. Today, I can take each action that is contrary to my principles, correct it, amend the relationship and let the wrong go. I owe that to the grace of my higher power and the program of AA.
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Great topic. I feel we have to realign or let go of expectations and norms also to accept ourselves. Itâs really easy to see what is bad and cruel and unacceptable behaviour, but harder to define what is normal or good expectations. My normal is someone elseâs nightmare yet neither of us are wrong or should feel shame.
Anyway this is my biggest work area to tackle. Thanks Mandi for the readings.
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February 4~Melody Beattie
Enjoying Recovery
What a journey!
This process of growth and change takes us along an ever-changing road. Sometimes the way is hard and craggy. Sometimes we climb mountains. Sometimes we slide down the other side on a toboggan.
Sometimes we rest.
Sometimes we grope through the darkness. Sometimes weâre blinded by sunlight.
At times many may walk with us on the road; sometimes we feel nearly alone.
Ever changing, always interesting, always leading someplace better, someplace good.
What a journey!
Today, God, help me relax and enjoy the scenery. Help me know Iâm right where I need to be on my journey.
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Faith in MYSELF. Choices for MYSELF. Everyday accountability and clean slate.
Great reminder to choose well. Even tiny choices change the landscape.
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I agree, it was very illuminating and man am I ever thankful for the step work! And for connecting to those who also do this work. Thanks for sharing @SinceIAwoke and @Tragicfarinelli!
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February 5~Melody Beattie
Financial Responsibility
We are responsible for ourselves financially.
What a frightening, grown-up thought that is for many of usâtaking responsibility for money and our financial affairs. For many of us, handing over responsibility for our financial affairs has been part of a codependent trade-off in our relationships.
Some of our emotional dependency on others, on this tight tie that binds us to others, not in love, but in need and desperation, is directly related to financial dependency. Our fears and reluctance to take responsibility for our financial affairs can be a barrier to the freedom weâre seeking in recovery.
Financial responsibility is an attitude. Money goes out to pay for necessities and luxuries. Money must come in, in order to go out. How much needs to come in to equal that which is going out?
Taxes . . . savings plans . . . appropriate spending habits that demonstrate an attitude of financial responsibility. . . . Part of being alive means learning to handle money. Even if we have a healthy contract with someone that allows us to depend on him or her for money, we still need to understand how money works. We still need to adopt an attitude of financial responsibility for ourselves. Even if we have a contract with someone else to provide for our financial needs, we need to understand the workings of the money earned and spent in our life.
Self-esteem will increase when we increase our sense of being financially responsible for ourselves. We can start where we are, with what we have today.
God, help me become willing to let go of my fears and reluctance to face the necessary parts of handling money responsibly in my life. Show me the lessons I need to learn about money.
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These two go quite well together. When I run the show, I get in the way. When I turn it over to my higher power and actually DO what Iâm being guided to do instead of continuing to hold the reigns, things go MUCH better.
Life repeats for me to show me that my way hasnât ever worked and I need to try something new. My HP always shows me the way if I ask and then listen to the guidance that comes in. Prayer and meditation are powerful and important parts of recovery for a reason. Just opening up after seeing I was the problem finally and asking for assistance from whoever was out there listening lead me to AA the next morning in a series of undeniable events. And man am I thankful today I have my program of recovery to assist me in all areas of life. My drinking was just a symptom. But it lead me to where I needed to be to really allow a change in my life. I ask my HP lead me daily, but I have to do the work. There but for the grace of god I go. 
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