Daily Reflections & Daily Readings

[MandiH]

November 30~Language Of Letting Go

Detachment

One day, my son brought a gerbil home to live with us. We put it in a cage. Some time later, the gerbil escaped. For the next six months, the animal ran frightened and wild through the house. So did we—chasing it.

“There it is. Get it!” we’d scream, each time someone spotted the gerbil. I, or my son, would throw down whatever we were working on, race across the house, and lunge at the animal hoping to catch it.

I worried about it, even when we didn’t see it. “This isn’t right,” I’d think. “I can’t have a gerbil running loose in the house. We’ve got to catch it. We’ve got to do something.”

A small animal, the size of a mouse had the entire household in a tizzy.

One day, while sitting in the living room, I watched the animal scurry across the hallway. In a frenzy, I started to lunge at it, as I usually did, then I stopped myself.

No, I said. I’m all done. If that animal wants to live in the nooks and crannies of this house, I’m going to let it. I’m done worrying about it. I’m done chasing it. It’s an irregular circumstance, but that’s just the way it’s going to have to be.

I let the gerbil run past without reacting. I felt slightly uncomfortable with my new reaction—not reacting—but I stuck to it anyway.

I got more comfortable with my new reaction—not reacting. Before long, I became downright peaceful with the situation. I had stopped fighting the gerbil. One afternoon, only weeks after I started practicing my new attitude, the gerbil ran by me, as it had so many times, and I barely glanced at it. The animal stopped in its tracks, turned around, and looked at me. I started to lunge at it. It started to run away. I relaxed.

“Fine,” I said. “Do what you want.” And I meant it.

One hour later, the gerbil came and stood by me, and waited. I gently picked it up and placed it in its cage, where it has lived happily ever since. The moral of the story? Don’t lunge at the gerbil. He’s already frightened, and chasing him just scares him more and makes us crazy.

Detachment works.

Today, I will be comfortable with my new reaction—not reacting. I will feel at peace.

[MandiH]

November 30~Walk In Dry Places

Spiritual pride

Seeking humility

Those of us who have found a Higher Power in our lives can feel truly blessed. We know we’re on the
right path by witnessing the wonderful changes that continue to come into our lives.

One pitfall in this, however, is the risk of becoming “spiritually proud.” We sometimes feel that our
beliefs are so superior that others should accept them as well. We even become critical of the beliefs of others.

If this happens, we actually will be severing our own conscious contact with our higher power. False
pride is a new form will be back in charge. Others will sense this too, and may withdraw from us.

Our best safeguard against this trap of spiritual pride is a reminder that we don’t have all the answers. We can share our understanding with others, but we should never imply that we know what’s best for them.

Spiritual growth should being humility, not more of the pride that was destroying us.

I can leave all outcomes in God’s hands today, knowing that everything is being controlled in a spiritual way.

[MandiH]

November 30~Today’s Gift

I’ve never sung anything that I wasn’t ready to sing. --Claudia Schmidt

Most of us are curious about the “olden days” before we were born. We ask our parents what life was like
when they were kids, what they did, what they looked like, and what they thought about.

But most of us, even those who are parents ourselves, have probably never asked our parents, “Were you ready to go to school, to grow up, to get married, to get a job, to have me?”

So often we are afraid to take even a small new step, afraid of change. We feel so alone in our uncertainty.

From our point of view, if often looks as though everybody’s ready except us.

Perhaps another way to look at it is that, for most of our lives, readiness really isn’t much of an issue.

Were we ready to be born? Were we ready to walk, to read, to sing? Maybe we were; maybe not.

What’s important is what we did, not what we were ready to do. For life is mostly a matter of jumping in feet first shouting, “Here I come, ready or not!”

What am I going to do today, ready or not?

[MandiH]

December 1~Daily Reflections

“SUGGESTED” STEPS

Our Twelfth Step also says that as a result of practicing all the Steps, we have each found something called a spiritual awakening. . . . A.A.'s manner of making ready to receive this gift lies in the practice of the Twelve Steps in our program.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 106-07

I remember my sponsor’s answer when I told him that the Steps were “suggested.” He replied that they are “suggested” in the same way that, if you were to jump out of an airplane with a parachute, it is “suggested” that you pull the ripcord to save your life. He pointed out that it was “suggested” I practice the Twelve Steps, if I wanted to save my life. So I try to remember daily that I have a whole program of recovery based on all Twelve of the “suggested” Steps.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

December 1~Language Of Letting Go

Letting People Be There for Us

Sometimes, we need nurturing. Sometimes, we need people to support us.

Many of us have been deprived of support and nurturing for so long we may not realize it’s something we want and need. Many of us have learned to block or stop ourselves from getting what we want and need.

We may not reach out to have our needs met. We may be in relationships with people who cannot or will not be available to meet our needs. Or we may be in relationships with people who would be happy to respond to a direct request from us.

We may have to give up something to do this. We may have to let go of our martyr or victim role. If we ask for what we want and need, and get those needs met, we will not be able to punish people, or push them away later on, for disappointing us.

We may have to let go of our fears enough to experience the intimacy that will occur when we allow someone to love and support us. We may even have to learn, one day at a time, how to be happy and content.

Learn to let others be there for us.

Today, I will be open to identifying what I need from people, and I will ask for what I want directly. I will let others be there for me.

[MandiH]

December 2~Daily Reflections

SERENITY

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, . . .
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 106

As I continued to go to meetings and work the Steps, something began to happen to me. I felt confused because I wasn’t sure what it was that I was feeling, and then I realized I was experiencing serenity. It was a good feeling, but where had it come from? Then I realized it had come “. . . as the result of these steps.” The program may not always be easy to practice, but I had to acknowledge that my serenity had come to me after working the Steps. As I work the Steps in everything I do, practicing these principles in all my affairs, now I find that I am awake to God, to others, and to myself. The spiritual awakening I have enjoyed as the result of working the Steps is the awareness that I am no longer alone.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

December 2~Language Of Letting Go

Putting Our Life on Hold

We cannot afford to put our needs on hold, waiting for another person to fulfill us, make our life better, or come around and be who and what we want that person to be. That will create resentment, hostility, an unhealthy dependency, and a mess to deal with later on.

If we have decided we want a particular relationship or want to wait about making a decision in a particular relationship, then we must go on with our own life in the interim.

That can be hard. It can feel natural to put our life on hold. That is when we get caught up in the codependent beliefs: That person can make me happy. . . . I need that particular person to do a particular thing in order to be happy. . . .

That’s a circumstance that can hook our low self-esteem, our self-doubt, and our tendency to neglect ourselves.

We can get into this situation in a number of ways. We can do this waiting for a letter, waiting for a job, waiting for a person, waiting for an event.

We do not have to put our life on hold. There will be repercussions from doing this. Go on with your life. Take life a day at a time.

What is something I could be doing now to take care of myself, make myself feel better, get my needs met in an appropriate, healthy way?

How can I own my power to take care of myself, despite what the other person is or isn’t doing?

What will happen if I break the system and begin taking care of myself?

Sometimes, we get the answer we want immediately. Sometimes, we wait for a while. Sometimes, things don’t work out exactly the way we hoped. But they always work out for good, and often better than we expected.

And in the meantime, we have manifested love for ourselves by living our own life and taking the control away from others. That always comes back to us tenfold, because when we actually manifest love for ourselves, we give our Higher Power, other people, and the Universe permission to send us the love we want and need.

Stopping living our life to make a thing happen doesn’t work. All it does is make us miserable, because we have stopped living our life.

Today, I will force myself, if necessary, to live my own life. I will act in my own best interest, in a way that reflects self-love. If I have given power or control of my life to someone other than myself and someone besides a Power greater than myself, I will take it back. I will begin acting in my own best interests, even if it feels awkward to do that.

[MandiH]

December 2~Walk In Dry Places

Bringing Projects to Completion

Fortitude

Starting projects without completing them can be part of our alcoholic nature. It’s related to immaturity
and a tendency to become bored and discouraged quickly.

The 12 Step program can help us overcome this problem. First, we realize and admit to such tendencies, fearlessly facing what has really been a very bad habit.

Then we become honest about our motives. We realize that we didn’t actually have the abiding interest that would have helped us complete some projects.

In such cases, the projects never should have been started… and in the future we’ll take are not to embark on similar projects.

When something does need to be completed, the program will help us stay with it until it’s done. We will always find that the satisfaction of completing a necessary project will be part of sober living. We’ll also know that we’re growing in the program.

I’ll take the necessary steps today to move any project toward completion. This will also help with future projects.

[MandiH]

December 2~Each Day a New Beginning

The old woman I shall become will be quite different from the woman I am now. Another I is beginning–George Sand

Change is constant. And we are always becoming. Each chance, each feeling, each responsibility we
commit ourselves to adds to the richness of our womanhood. We are not yesterday’s woman, today.

Our new awarenesses have brought us beyond her.

And we can’t go back without knowing, somehow, that she no longer meets the needs of today.

We can look forward to our changes, to the older woman we are becoming. She will have the wisdom that we still lack. She will have learned to live and let live. She will have acquired, through years of
experiences, a perspective that lends sanity to all situations.

The lessons we are learning today, the pain that overwhelms us now and again, are nurturing the
developing woman within each of us. If only we could accept the lessons and master them. If only we could trust the gift of change that accompanies the pain.

I am becoming. And with the becoming, comes peace. I can sense it today. I know where I was yesterday.

[MandiH]

December 3~Daily Reflections

IN ALL OUR AFFAIRS

. . . we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 106

I find that carrying the message of recovery to other alcoholics is easy because it helps me to stay sober and it provides me with a sense of well-being about my own recovery. The hard part is practicing these principles in all my affairs. It is important that I share the benefits I receive from A.A., especially at home. Doesn’t my family deserve the same patience, tolerance and understanding I so readily give to the alcoholic? When reviewing my day I try to ask, “Did I have a chance to be a friend today and miss it?” “Did I have a chance to rise above a nasty situation and avoid it?” “Did I have a chance to say ‘I’m sorry,’ and refuse to?”

Just as I ask God for help with my alcoholism each day, I ask for help in extending my recovery to include all situations and all people!

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

December 3~Language of Letting Go

Developing Healthy Tolerance

Many of us are skilled at denying and discounting what hurts us. We may endure a particular situation, telling ourselves repeatedly it’s not that bad; we shouldn’t be so demanding; it’ll change any day; we should be able to live with it; it doesn’t annoy us; the other person didn’t really mean it; it doesn’t hurt; maybe it’s just us.

We may fight and argue with ourselves about the reality and validity of our pain—our right to feel it and do something about it.

Often we will tolerate too much or so much that we become furious and refuse to tolerate any more.

We can learn to develop healthy tolerance.

We do that by setting healthy boundaries and trusting ourselves to own our power with people. We can lessen our pain and suffering by validating and paying attention to ourselves. We can work at shortening the time between identifying a need to set a boundary, and taking clear, direct action.

We aren’t crazy. Some behaviors really do bug us. Some behaviors really are inappropriate, annoying, hurtful, or abusive.

We don’t have to feel guilty about taking care of ourselves once we identify a boundary that needs to be set. Look at the experience as an experiment in owning our power, in establishing new, healthy boundaries and limits for ourselves.

We don’t have to feel guilty or apologize or explain ourselves after we’ve set a boundary. We can learn to accept the awkwardness and discomfort of setting boundaries with people. We can establish our rights to have these limits. We can give the other person room to have and explore his or her feelings; we can give ourselves room to have our feelings—as we struggle to own our power and create good, working relationships.

Once we can trust our ability to take care of ourselves, we will develop healthy reasonable tolerance of others.

God, help me begin striving for healthy boundaries and healthy tolerance for myself and others.

[MandiH]

December 4~Daily Reflections

INTO ACTION

A.A. is more than a set of principles; it is a society of alcoholics in action. We must carry the message, else we ourselves can wither and those who haven’t been given the truth may die.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 13

I desperately wanted to live, but if I was to succeed, I had to become active in our God-given program. I joined what became my group, where I opened the hall, made coffee, and cleaned up. I had been sober about three months when an oldtimer told me I was doing Twelfth-Step work. What a satisfying realization that was! I felt I was really accomplishing something. God had given me a second chance, A.A. had shown me the way, and these gifts were not only free—they were also priceless! Now the joy of seeing newcomers grow reminds me of where I have come from, where I am now, and the limitless possibilities that lie ahead. I need to attend meetings because they recharge my batteries so that I have light when it’s needed. I’m still a beginner in service work, but already I am receiving more than I’m giving. I can’t keep it unless I give it away. I am responsible when another reaches out for help. I want to be there—sober.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

December 4~Language Of Letting Go

Letting Go

“How much do we need to let go of?” a friend asked one day.

“I’m not certain,” I replied, “but maybe everything.”

Letting go is a spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical process, a sometimes mysterious metaphysical process of releasing to God and the Universe that which we are clinging to so tightly.

We let go of our grasp on people, outcomes, ideas, feelings, wants, needs, desires—everything. We let go of trying to control our progress in recovery. Yes, it’s important to acknowledge and accept what we want and what we want to happen. But it’s equally important to follow through by letting go.

Letting go is the action part of faith. It is a behavior that gives God and the Universe permission to send us what we’re meant to have.

Letting go means we acknowledge that hanging on so tightly isn’t helping to solve the problem, change the person, or get the outcome we desire. It isn’t helping us. In fact, we learn that hanging on often blocks us from getting what we want and need.

Who are we to say that things aren’t happening exactly as they need to happen?

There is magic in letting go. Sometimes we get what we want soon after we let go. Sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes the specific outcome we desire doesn’t happen. Something better does.

Letting go sets us free and connects us to our Source.

Letting go creates the optimum environment for the best possible outcomes and solutions.

Today, I will relax. I will let go of that which is upsetting me the most. I will trust that by letting go, I have started the wheels in motion for things to work out in the best possible way.

[MandiH]

December 4~As Bill Sees It

Those Other People, p.268

"Just like you, I have often thought myself the victim of what other people say and do. Yet every time I
confessed the sins of such people, especially those whose sins did not correspond exactly with my own, I found that I only increased the total damage. My own resentment, my self-pity would often render me
well-nigh useless to anybody.

"So, nowadays, if anyone talks of me so as to hurt, I first ask myself if there is any truth at all in what they
say. If there is none, I try to remember that I too have had my periods of speaking bitterly of others; that
hurtful gossip is but a symptom of our remaining emotional illness; and consequently that I must never be angry at the unreasonableness of sick people.
“Under very trying conditions I have had, again and again, to forgive others–also myself. Have you
recently tried this?”

Letter, 1946

[MandiH]

December 4~Walk In Dry Places

The Lure of Greener Pastures

Gratitude

One of our old-timers spent a great deal of time trying to find a new job but never succeeding. When he finally retired, on a good pension, it became clear that the job he had kept was probably better and
provided more benefits than any job he had been seeking.

He was fortunate that none of his proposed job searches ever worked out.

The fantasy of finding “greener pastures” is something many of us face, in both drinking and sobriety.

We may be very well off where we are, yet feel that something rich and exciting is over in the next
meadow. We can feel this way about our jobs, our lifestyles, and our locations.

The answer to this greener-pastures obsession is to feel more gratitude for what we have here and now.
We might also focus more upon today’s activities and less upon impossible dreams of other places.

There may be greener pastures somewhere, but I’ll first look for the opportunities and benefits of my own life and surroundings. I may be richly blessed without knowing it.

[MandiH]

December 5~Daily Reflections

A NEW STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS

He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of consciousness and being.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 107

Many of us in A.A. puzzle over what is a spiritual awakening. I tended to look for a miracle, something dramatic and earth-shattering. But what usually happens is that a sense of well-being, a feeling of peace, transforms us into a new level of awareness. That’s what happened to me. My insanity and inner turmoil disappeared and I entered into a new dimension of hope, love and peace. I think the degree to which I continue to experience this new dimension is in direct proportion to the sincerity, depth and devotion with which I practice the Twelve Steps of A.A.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

December 5~Language Of Letting Go

Difficult People

Few things can make us feel crazier than expecting something from someone who has nothing to give. Few things can frustrate us more than trying to make a person someone he or she isn’t; we feel crazy when we try to pretend that person is someone he or she is not. We may have spent years negotiating with reality concerning particular people from our past and our present. We may have spent years trying to get someone to love us in a certain way, when that person cannot or will not.

It is time to let it go. It is time to let him or her go. That doesn’t mean we can’t love that person anymore. It means that we will feel the immense relief that comes when we stop denying reality and begin accepting. We release that person to be who he or she actually is. We stop trying to make that person be someone he or she is not. We deal with our feelings and walk away from the destructive system.

We learn to love and care differently in a way that takes reality into account.

We enter into a relationship with that person on new terms—taking ourselves and our needs into account. If a person is addicted to alcohol, other drugs, misery, or other people, we let go of his or her addiction; we take our hands off it. We give his or her life back. And we, in the process, are given our life and freedom in return.

We stop letting what we are not getting from that person control us. We take responsibility for our life. We go ahead with the process of loving and taking care of ourselves.

We decide how we want to interact with that person, taking reality and our own best interests into account. We get angry, we feel hurt, but we land in a place of forgiveness. We set him or her free, and we become set free from bondage.

This is the heart of detaching in love.

Today, I will work at detaching in love from troublesome people in my life. I will strive to accept reality in my relationships. I will give myself permission to take care of myself in my relationships, with emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual freedom for both people as my goal.

[MandiH]

December 5~Touchstones

A relationship takes time and deeds, and this involves trust, it involves making ourselves naked, to
become sitting ducks for each other. --Eldridge Cleaver

When we were lost in our excesses, we were limited in our relationships. The history of our friendships
and loves may be evidence of that.

Many of us had a primary relationship with a substance or an addictive behavior, and people had only second place.

Many of us were so lost in our codependency that our relationships were two-dimensional. We didn’t know how to be there with our whole selves.

In recovery our ability to relate to others charges slowly. We learn how to love like everyone else learned - only we are learning a little later.

We have to be willing to be vulnerable. We also must be willing to be accountable - willing to say to our
loved ones, “You can count on me to never leave without saying good bye.” “You can count on me to be respectful of you.” “You can count on me to tell you how I feel, even when it hurts.”

As we mature, with the help of the Steps, we also grow in our relationships with others.

Today, I will be true to my relationships.

[MandiH]

December 6~Daily Reflections

WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN

When we developed still more, we discovered the best possible source of emotional stability to be God Himself. We found that dependence upon His perfect justice, forgiveness, and love was healthy, and that it would work where nothing else would. If we really depended upon God, we couldn’t very well play God to our fellows nor would we feel the urge wholly to rely on human protection and care.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 116

It has been my experience that, when all human resources appear to have failed, there is always One who will never desert me. Moreover, He is always there to share my joy, to steer me down the right path, and to confide in when no one else will do. While my well-being and happiness can be added to, or diminished, by human efforts, only God can provide the loving nourishment upon which I depend for my daily spiritual health.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

December 6~Language Of Letting Go

Letting Go of Shame

Many of us were victimized, sometimes more than once. We may have been physically abused, sexually abused, or exploited by the addictions of another.

Understand that if another person has abused us, it is not cause for us to feel shame. The guilt for the act of abuse belongs to the perpetrator, not the victim.

Even if in recovery we fall prey to being victimized, that is not cause for shame.

The goal of recovery is learning self-care, learning to free ourselves from victimization, and not to blame ourselves for past experiences. The goal is to arm ourselves so we do not continue to be victimized due to the shame and unresolved feelings from the original victimization.

We each have our own work, our issues, our recovery tasks. One of those tasks is to stop pointing our finger at the perpetrator, because it distracts us. Although we hold each person responsible and accountable for his or her behavior, we learn compassion for the perpetrator. We understand that many forces have come into play in that person’s life. At the same time, we do not hold on to shame.

We learn to understand the role we played in our victimization, how we fell into that role and did not rescue ourselves. But that is information to arm us so that it need not happen again.

Let go of victim shame. We have issues and tasks, but our issue is not to feel guilty and wrong because we have been victimized.

Today, I will set myself free from any victim shame I may be harboring or hanging on to.