February 15~Melodie Beattie
Control
Sometimes, the gray days scare us. Those are the days when the old feelings come rushing back. We may feel needy, scared, ashamed, unable to care for ourselves.
When this happens, itâs hard to trust ourselves, others, the goodness of life, and the good intentions of our Higher Power. Problems seem overwhelming. The past seems senseless; the future, bleak. We feel certain the things we want in life will never happen.
In those moments, we may become convinced that things and people outside of ourselves hold the key to our happiness. Thatâs when we may try to control people and situations to mask our pain. When these âcodependent craziesâ strike, others often begin to react negatively to our controlling.
When weâre in a frenzied state, searching for happiness outside ourselves and looking to others to provide our peace and stability, remember this: Even if we could control things and people, even if we got what we wanted, we would still be ourselves. Our emotional state would still be in turmoil.
People and things donât stop our pain or heal us. In recovery, we learn that this is our job, and we can do it by using our resources: ourselves, our Higher Power, our support systems, and our recovery program.
Often, after weâve become peaceful, trusting, and accepting, what we want comes to usâwith ease and naturalness. The sun begins to shine again. Isnât it funny, and isnât it true, how all change really does begin with us?
I can let go of things and people and my need to control today. I can deal with my feelings. I can get peaceful. I can get calm. I can get back on track and find the true key to happinessâmyself. I will remember that a gray day is just thatâone gray day.
I really really needed to read something like this 
February 16~Melody Beattie
Detachment
The concept of letting go can be confusing to many of us. When are we doing too much or trying too hard to control people and outcomes? When are we doing too little? When is what weâre doing an appropriate part of taking care of ourselves? What is our responsibility, and what isnât?
These issues can challenge us whether weâve been in recovery ten days or ten years. Sometimes, we may let go so much that we neglect responsibility to ourselves or others. Other times, we may cross the line from taking care of ourselves to controlling others and outcomes.
There is no rule book. But we donât have to make ourselves crazy; we donât have to be so afraid. We donât have to do recovery perfectly. If it feels like we need to do a particular action, we can do it. If no action feels timely or inspired, donât act on it.
Having and setting healthy limitsâhealthy boundariesâisnât a tidy process. We can give ourselves permission to experiment, to make mistakes, to learn, to grow.
We can talk to people, ask questions, and question ourselves. If thereâs something we need to do or learn, it will become apparent. Lessons donât go away. If weâre not taking care of ourselves enough, weâll see that. If we are being too controlling, weâll grow to understand that too.
Things will work out. The way will become clear.
Today, I will take actions that appear appropriate. I will let go of the rest. I will strive for the balance between self-responsibility, responsibility to others, and letting go.
February 17~Melody Beattie
Acceptance
Our basic recovery concept that never loses its power to work miracles is the concept called acceptance.
We do not achieve acceptance in a moment. We often have to work through a mirage of feelingsâsometimes anger, outrage, shame, self-pity, or sadness. But if acceptance is our goal, we will achieve it.
What is more freeing than to laugh at our weaknesses and to be grateful for our strengths? To know the entire package called âusâ âwith all our feelings, thoughts, tendencies, and historyâis worthy of acceptance and brings healing feelings.
To accept our circumstances is another miraculous cure. For anything to change or anyone to change, we must first accept ourselves, others, and the circumstance exactly as they are. Then, we need to take it one step further. We need to become grateful for ourselves or our circumstances. We add a touch of faith by saying, âI know this is exactly the way itâs supposed to be for the moment.â
No matter how complicated we get, the basics never lose their power to restore us to sanity.
Today, God, help me practice the concept of acceptance in my life. Help me accept myself, others, and my circumstances. Take me one step further, and help me feel grateful.
February 18~Melodie Beattie
Being Right
Recovery is not about being right; itâs about allowing ourselves to be who we are and accepting others as they are.
That concept can be difficult for many of us if we have lived in systems that functioned on the âright-wrongâ justice scale. The person who was right was okay; the person who was wrong was shamed. All value and worth may have depended on being right; to be wrong meant annihilation of self and self-esteem.
In recovery, we are learning how to strive for love in our relationships, not superiority. Yes, we may need to make decisions about peopleâs behavior from time to time. If someone is hurting us, we need to stand up for ourselves. We have a responsibility to set boundaries and take care of ourselves. But we do not need to justify taking care of ourselves by condemning someone else. We can avoid the trap of focusing on others instead of ourselves.
In recovery, we are learning that what we do needs to be right only for us. What others do is their business and needs to be right only for them. Itâs tempting to rest in the superiority of being right and in analyzing other peopleâs motives and actions, but itâs more rewarding to look deeper.
Today, I will remember that I donât have to hide behind being right. I donât have to justify what I want and need with saying something is ârightâ or âwrong.â I can let myself be who I am.
February 19~Melody Beattie
Our Path
I just spent several hours with someone from my group, and I feel like Iâm losing my mind. This woman insisted that the only way I would make progress in my program was to go to her church and succumb to her religious rules. She pushed and insisted, and insisted and pushed. Sheâs been in the program so much longer than I have. I kept thinking that she must know what sheâs talking about. But it didnât feel right. And now I feel crazy, afraid, guilty, and ashamed.
â ANONYMOUS
The spiritual path and growth promised to us by the Twelve Steps does not depend on any religious belief. They are not contingent upon any denomination or sect. They are not, as the traditions of Twelve Step programs state, affiliated with any religious denomination or organization.
We do not have to allow anyone to badger us about religion in recovery. We do not have to allow people to make us feel ashamed, afraid, or less-than because we do not subscribe to their beliefs about religion.
We do not have to let them do it to us in the name of God, love, or recovery.
The spiritual experience we will find as a result of recovery and the Twelve Steps will be our own spiritual experience. It will be a relationship with God, a Higher Power as we understand God.
Each of us must find our own spiritual path. Each of us must build our own relationship with God as we understand God. Each of us needs a Power greater than ourselves. These concepts are critical to recovery.
So is the freedom to choose how to do that.
Higher Power, help me know that I donât have to allow anyone to shame or badger me into religious beliefs. If they confuse that with the Spirituality available in recovery, help me give their issue back to them. Help me discover and develop my own spirituality, a path that works for me. Guide me, with Divine Wisdom, as I grow spiritually.
February 20~Melody Beattie
Setting Our Own Course
We are powerless over other peopleâs expectations of us. We cannot control what others want, what they expect, or what they want us to do and be.
We can control how we respond to other peopleâs expectations.
During the course of any day, people may make demands on our time, talents, energy, money, and emotions. We do not have to say yes to every request. We do not have to feel guilty if we say no. And we do not have to allow the barrage of demands to control the course of our life.
We do not have to spend our life reacting to others and to the course they would prefer we took with our life.
We can set boundaries, firm limits on how far we shall go with others. We can trust and listen to ourselves. We can set goals and direction for our life. We can place value on ourselves.
We can own our power with people.
Buy some time. Think about what you want. Consider how responding to anotherâs needs will affect the course of your life. We live or own life by not letting other people, their expectations, and their demands control the course of our life. We can let them have their demands and expectations; we can allow them to have their feelings. We can own our power to choose the path that is right for us.
Today, God, help me own my power by detaching, and peacefully choosing the course of action that is right for me. Help me know I can detach from the expectations and wants of others. Help me stop pleasing other people and start pleasing myself.
February 21~Melody Beattie
Living in the Present
The present moment is all we have. Yes, we have plans and goals, a vision for tomorrow. But now is the only time we possess. And it is enough.
We can clear our mind of the residue of yesterday. We can clear our mind of fears of tomorrow. We can be present, now. We can make ourselves available to this moment, this day. It is by being fully present now that we reach the fullness of tomorrow.
Have no fear, child, a voice whispers. Have no regrets. Relinquish your resentments. Let Me take your pain. All you have is the present moment. Be still. Be here. Trust.
All you have is now. It is enough.
Today, I will affirm that all is well around me, when all is well within.
February 22~Melody Beattie
Solving Problems
I ask that You might help me work through all my problems, to Your Glory and Honor.
â ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
Many of us lived in situations where it wasnât okay to identify, have, or talk about problems. Denial became a way of lifeâour way of dealing with problems.
In recovery, many of us still fear problems. We may spend more time reacting to a problem than we do to solving it. We miss the point; we miss the lesson; we miss the gift. Problems are a part of life. So are solutions.
A problem doesnât mean life is negative or horrible. Having a problem doesnât mean a person is deficient. All people have problems to work through.
In recovery, we learn to focus on solving our problems. First, we make certain the problem is our problem. If it isnât, our problem is establishing boundaries. Then we seek the best solution. This may mean setting a goal, asking for help, gathering more information, taking an action, or letting go.
Recovery does not mean immunity or exemption from problems; recovery means learning to face and solve problems, knowing they will appear regularly. We can trust our ability to solve problems, and know weâre not doing it alone. Having problems does not mean our Higher Power is picking on us. Some problems are part of life; others are ours to solve, and weâll grow in necessary ways in the process.
Face and solve todayâs problems. Donât worry needlessly about tomorrowâs problems, because when they appear, weâll have the resources necessary to solve them.
Facing and solving problemsâworking through problems with help from a Higher Powerâmeans weâre living and growing and reaping benefits.
God, help me face and solve my problems today. Help me do my part and let the rest go. I can learn to be a problem-solver.
February 23~Melody Beattie
Strength
We donât always have to be strong to be strong. Sometimes, our strength is expressed in being vulnerable. Sometimes, we need to fall apart to regroup and stay on track.
We all have days when we cannot push any harder, cannot hold back self-doubt, cannot stop focusing on fear, cannot be strong.
There are days when we cannot focus on being responsible. Occasionally, we donât want to get out of our pajamas. Sometimes, we cry in front of people. We expose our tiredness, irritability, or anger.
Those days are okay. They are just okay.
Part of taking care of ourselves means we give ourselves permission to âfall apartâ when we need to. We do not have to be perpetual towers of strength. We are strong. We have proven that. Our strength will continue if we allow ourselves the courage to feel scared, weak, and vulnerable when we need to experience those feelings.
Today, God, help me to know that it is okay to allow myself to be human. Help me not to feel guilty or punish myself when I need to âfall apart.â
