I don’t think happiness or unhappiness is the point. How do we meet the problems we face? How do we best learn from them and transmit what we have learned to others, if they would receive the knowledge?
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 306
In my search “to be happy,” I changed jobs, married and divorced, took geographical cures, and ran myself into debt—financially, emotionally and spiritually. In A.A., I’m learning to grow up. Instead of demanding that people, places and things make me happy, I can ask God for self-acceptance. When a problem overwhelms me, A.A.'s Twelve Steps will help me grow through the pain. The knowledge I gain can be a gift to others who suffer with the same problem. As Bill said, “When pain comes, we are expected to learn from it willingly, and help others to learn. When happiness comes, we accept it as a gift, and thank God for it.” (As Bill Sees It, p. 306)
We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164
Sobriety is a journey of joyful discovery. Each day brings new experience, awareness, greater hope, deeper faith, broader tolerance. I must maintain these attributes or I will have nothing to pass on.
Great events for this recovering alcoholic are the normal everyday joys found in being able to live another day in God’s grace.
All A.A. progress can be reckoned in terms of just two words: humility and responsibility. Our whole spiritual development can be accurately measured by our degree of adherence to these magnificent standards.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 271
To acknowledge and respect the views, accomplishments and prerogatives of others and to accept being wrong shows me the way of humility. To practice the principles of A.A. in all my affairs guides me to be responsible. Honoring these precepts gives credence to Tradition Four—and to all other Traditions of the Fellowship. Alcoholics Anonymous has evolved a philosophy of life full of valid motivations, rich in highly relevant principles and ethical values, a view of life which can be extended beyond the confines of the alcoholic population. To honor these precepts I need only to pray, and care for my fellow man as if each one were my brother.
Some may think that we have carried the principle of group autonomy to extremes. For example, in its original “long form,” Tradition Four declares: “Any two or three gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that as a group they have no other affiliation.”* . . . But this ultra-liberty is not so risky as it looks.
A.A. COMES OF AGE, pp. 104-05
As an active alcoholic, I abused every liberty that life afforded. How could A.A. expect me to respect the “ultra-liberty” bestowed by Tradition Four? Learning respect has become a lifetime job.
A.A. has made me fully accept the necessity of discipline and that, if I do not assert it from within, then I will pay for it. This applies to groups too. Tradition Four points me in a spiritual direction, in spite of my alcoholic inclinations.
This is a misquote; Bill is referring to the Third Tradition.
I’m going to change things up per my HP and start sharing my own daily reflections I have been sharing with an alcoholic sister each morning in here also. The Daily Reflections are helpful, but this is something else I do that I’m being asked to share, so I am.
Today’s reflection:
“We pause when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action.”
— Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 87
This was such a foreign concept to me. To practice the pause and find the best way instead of reacting. I reacted to EVERYTHING, and, my first instincts lead me into the miserable existence I had. Today when things get challenging, I stop and I pray. I invite my HP in. I step back and look at a higher perspective. I call my sponsor. But I do my best to not just react as that’s when the old me comes out to play. I have a new life because I get to practice these principals in ALL of my affairs-not just some. And for that, I am grateful.
Today I’m also grateful for:
~Welcoming a change in life instead of dreading it
~Unshakeable faith with that connection to my HP that no matter what happens in life, all is well ~Having that rub off on others I love too
~People that take good care of Gramma when she is sick
~That my immune system has improved enough that I’m not catching the consistent illnesses of everyone around me knocks on wood
~How much my life has changed for the better
~Meditation meetings
~Glorious sunsets
~Getting the gift of knowing and loving myself more than I ever have before
~Progress, not perfection
This is what my normal share looks like, but since I post my gratitude list in the gratitude thread, I likely won’t post that her each morning-just the reflection.
These legacies of suffering and of recovery are easily passed among alcoholics, one to the other. This is our gift from God, and its bestowal upon others like us is the one aim that today animates A.A.'s all around the globe.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 151
The great paradox of A.A. is that I know I cannot keep the precious gift of sobriety unless I give it away.
My primary purpose is to stay sober. In A.A. I have no other goal, and the importance of this is a matter of life or death for me. If I veer from this purpose I lose. But A.A. is not only for me; it is for the alcoholic who still suffers. The legions of recovering alcoholics stay sober by sharing with fellow alcoholics. The way to my recovery is to show others in A.A. that when I share with them, we both grow in the grace of the Higher Power, and both of us are on the road to a happy destiny.
“These legacies of suffering and of recovery are easily passed among alcoholics, one to the other. This is our gift from God”
I was thinking about this yesterday, how pain, loss, grief and suffering can bring us together like nothing else can. I feel like this is how we can connect so well with others in recovery, even when we normally would not mix. I feel it’s because we have known that pain, the misery, the hopelessness. Yet, together we can rise above that and recover. We can live better lives together. And for that, I am grateful today.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 55
Since it is true that God comes to me through people, I can see that by keeping people at a distance I also keep God at a distance. God is nearer to me than I think and I can experience Him by loving people and allowing people to love me. But I can neither love nor be loved if I allow my secrets to get in the way.
It’s the side of myself that I refuse to look at that rules me. I must be willing to look at the dark side in order to heal my mind and heart because that is the road to freedom. I must walk into darkness to find the light and walk into fear to find peace.
By revealing my secrets – and thereby ridding myself of guilt – I can actually change my thinking; by altering my thinking, I can change myself. My thoughts create my future. What I will be tomorrow is determined by what I think today.
Ugh, I really needed this one today. My ego struggles to hang on!
My sponsor and I had a discussion last night about me needing to practice steps 6 & 7 about something I’ve been dreading with a change in my side business location. I want to avoid the change and call it quits early to avoid it. And in this case, it’s to avoid interacting with some people that I get pretty horrid vibes from. But it’s not the right answer to do so.
Instead, I have to step into the darkness of myself and illuminate my own shadows to bring them into the light. I have to look at my shortcomings and ask for them to be removed. My sponsor reminded me that I’m allowing others to change me still by wanting to avoid them. Instead, the goal is to be so much myself and in my own energy that they don’t sway me. Which, is absolutely the truth-my default mode is to avoid those things and if I want to continue to live this new life, it requires different actions and practicing these principals in ALL of my affairs today. I am grateful for this program, for what it makes me face and for help in doing so. My life continues to evolve because of it. Even if I don’t really “feel” like it, I get to show up and do it anyway.
Cling to the thought that, in God’s hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have – the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 124
No longer is my past an autobiography; it is a reference book to be taken down, opened and shared. Today as I report for duty, the most wonderful picture comes through. For, though this day be dark – as some days must be – the stars will shine even brighter later. My witness that they do shine will be called for in the very near future. All my past will this day be a part of me, because it is the key, not the lock.
This reading also speaks to me. My character defects are popping up in several different ways this week, but honestly it’s good for me to see that darkness inside to be able to bring the light in instead of allowing the to remain there.
I think the thing I’m most grateful for is that I’m recognizing it. I know when I’m out of alignment and something doesn’t feel good. Because of that, I practice the pause before reacting as I know something is goint on within me, so I’m not adding additional step work. I get to talk it out with my sponsor and do steps 6 & 7. I just had a very powerful talk with God this morning in the shower and asked him to help me be rid of these defects of character. I asked to be shown more if I need to illuminate more within me. I want to be the most helpful I can be to others and to do God’s will the best I can without me getting in my own way. And I have faith that the stars will remain lighting the way in the right direction after doing this work. But in God’s timing, not mine.
Somehow, being alone with God doesn’t seem as embarrassing as facing up to another person. Until we actually sit down and talk aloud about what we have so long hidden, our willingness to clean house is still largely theoretical.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 60
It wasn’t unusual for me to talk to God, and myself, about my character defects. But to sit down, face to face, and openly discuss these intimacies with another person was much more difficult. I recognized in the experience, however, a similar relief to the one I had experienced when I first admitted I was an alcoholic. I began to appreciate the spiritual significance of the program and that this Step was just an introduction to what was yet to come in the remaining seven Steps.
I can relate to this reading as well. I always wanted to keep my most vulnerable things hidden. Especially the things I’ve done wrong, or didn’t want anyone to see. I’ve felt like I needed to look perfect to be loved. But, the things I hid were all actually the exact keys to my freedom. I’ve come to learn that showing those sides of me are exactly what helps me really connect to others. It allows me to live in the solutions today. And its not only OK to not appear perfect, this is also where the right people who love me for me find me. Today I’m not trying to mask myself, instead I’ll call my sponsor willingly and share my flaws so I can do the work to move past them, one day at a time. This is the key to my long-term recovery and freedom today.
We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 73-74
Honesty, like all virtues, is to be shared. It began after I shared “. . . [my] whole life’s story with someone . . .” in order to find my place in the Fellowship. Later I shared my life in order to help the newcomer find his place with us. This sharing helps me to learn honesty in all my dealings and to know that God’s plan for me comes true through honest openness and willingness.
Until I started working this program, I had no idea how dishonest I actually became. Mostly with myself honestly. My thinking was so twisted, I didn’t really know the truth. Working this program changed this and allowed me to not only find my truths but to share them with others. For this I’m beyond grateful today.
. . . what comes to us alone may be garbled by our own rationalization and wishful thinking. The benefit of talking to another person is that we can get his direct comment and counsel on our situation. . .
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 60
I cannot count the times when I have been angry and frustrated and said to myself, “I can’t see the forest for the trees!” I finally realized that what I needed when I was in such pain was someone who could guide me in separating the forest and the trees; who could suggest a better path to follow; who could assist me in putting out fires; and help me avoid the rocks and pitfalls.
I ask God, when I’m in the forest, to give me the courage to call upon a member of A.A.
Do not be discouraged.”
— Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 60
Recovery, and life, isn’t about perfection. They’re about progress. Willingness. Showing up, even when it’s hard. And we are never truly in it alone. Getting discouraged keeps hope and faith out. So, even if we aren’t perfect, we should do our best to not be discouraged. We can try again without bringing that negative energy with us. It makes it more likely to succeed as we do something different this time.
The real tests of the situation are your own willingness to confide and your full confidence in the one with whom you share your first accurate self-survey. . . .Provided you hold back nothing, your sense of relief will mount from minute to minute. The dammed-up emotions of years break out of their confinement, and miraculously vanish as soon as they are exposed. As the pain subsides, a healing tranquility takes its place.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 61-62
A tiny kernel of locked-in feelings began to unfold when I first attended A.A. meetings and self-knowledge then became a learning task for me. This new self-understanding brought about a change in my responses to life’s situations. I realized I had the right to make choices in my life, and the inner dictatorship of habits slowly lost its grip.
I believe that if I seek God I can find a better way to live and I ask Him daily to assist me in living a sober life.
“We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines.”
— Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 60
This is why progress, not perfection, is important for me to follow. When I tried to be “perfect” to everyone, it compromises my integrity and my ability to have thy will be done. I live a life that doesn’t really feel good in that space. So, it’s ok to not be perfect. It’s ok to be messy. I’m not a saint. But I am willing to grow.
I too think about this.
Where in my life am I expecting perfection—from myself or others—and how can I shift toward willingness and growth instead?
This is where the rubber meets the road as my sponsor would say. Looking at this in real time and how I can shift that will make all the difference for me today. So, I’m going to reflect on that more and ask my HP to reveal what I hold onto that I can release to live life better.
This wasn’t information from a educational text book or anything,just a person posting on Instagram..but they are talking about something I began to realise in recent months is imperative to quit. Mind set shift..
The person talks about growing up in a fear based mind set as a result of their childhood..I could really relate to that and the whole development of a helpless, negative type mind set.
I strongly believe you have to challenge your thoughts constantly and recognise when the addict jumps . And tries to trick you or lure you in.
