Oh my yes. It is constant work to get myself out of the way. That anxious and angry and scared self that I have been for so long. Sometimes she should probably just sit down and watch and listen.
With each day and week and month that passes in sobriety and recovery, it gets better and easier to be calmer and kinder and more open.
But… when fear abounds and the defenses come up, it is anger and control that rises and must be settled. “Calm down girl” is what I must say to myself. And now that my mind and body are not poisoned with alcohol, I can mostly hear myself and calm myself.
mostly…. Always a work in progress.
Yes this is crucial for day to day living. I have to remember that my best thinking got me to recovery lol Therefore I absolutely need a HP to guide me thru every thought and action.
I find that for myself, I will pray first thing in the morning, asking for that guidance and that my character defects be removed. But as the day goes on, i slowly begin to take control again and will forget to check in with my HP. Im still very much working on turning my will and life over to the care of my HP but I hope thay overtime, with practice, it will become more natural to think of my HP and what He wants me to do.
Very very grateful for this third tradition. I know for a fact that i would have been kicked out of meetings in the past if there were soooo many rules in place. I have gone to a couple meetings high as a kite bcuz i had relapsed, felt desperate for help, and went to a meeting immediately afterwards. Even tho i relapsed, I had the desire to quit and was accepted into the meeting. In hindsight, it probably was disrespectful of me to go in that state, but i was struggling soooo bad. I needed the safety net of those rooms and the people in it. I wasnt disrespectful or anything in the rooms. Just downright upset. If there were all those rules in place, many of us wouldnt have been able to recover. Im thankful for this tradition and that the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking/using.
Alcoholics Anonymous will never have a professional class. We have gained some understanding of the ancient words “Freely ye have received, freely give.” We have discovered that at the point of professionalism, money and spirituality do not mix.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 166
I believe that Alcoholics Anonymous stands alone in the treatment of alcoholism because it is based solely on the principle of one alcoholic sharing with another alcoholic. This is what makes the program unique. When I decided that I wanted to stay sober, I called a woman who I knew was a sober member of A.A., and she carried the message of Alcoholics Anonymous to me. She received no monetary compensation, but rather was paid by staying sober another day herself. Today I could ask for no payment other than another day free from alcohol, so in that respect, I am generously paid for my labor.
“Here was something at work in a human heart which had done the impossible.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 11
How has my heart changed in ways I once thought were impossible?
Oh man, I can’t even count the ways! I used to think I was so loving and so open-hearted…Ha! My motives were not pure and I was soooo filled with resentments, fears, hatred, judgement, etc etc etc. My heart has had a huge awakening. I’m softer than I’ve ever been, but also have more boundaries than I’ve ever had too somehow at the same time. I’ve learned authenticity in a way I’ve never experienced before and I am beyond grateful for this gift that true recovery has brought into my life.
I had to laugh at this post bcuz it reminded me of when i first started attending 12 step meetings. I remember a woman approached me (she had long term sobriety) wanting to know if she could buy me a coffee and chat My first reaction was, “what do u want?” In the old lifestyle that I lived in for years, nothing was for free. Took me ages to realize that the people in those rooms give freely, and they get in return is to keep their sobriety. Its such a beautiful program!
Wow can i ever relate to ur post. I wasnt the nicest, most caring person in the problem, that I thought I was. Lots of wrong motives, lots of manipulation, lots of selfishness in fact. But i couldnt see it back then due to my addiction.
In recovery i have much softer heart and appearance. I dont have that hard outter shell anymore. I genuinely care about people and want to help, unlike my past where nothing was for free. I feel like im becoming who i am meant to become now
If more gifts are to be received, our awakening has to go on.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 8
Sobriety fills the painful “hole in the soul” that my alcoholism created. Often I feel so physically well that I believe my work is done. However, joy is not just the absence of pain; it is the gift of continued spiritual awakening. Joy comes from ongoing and active study, as well as application of the principles of recovery in my everyday life, and from sharing that experience with others. My Higher Power presents many opportunities for deeper spiritual awakening. I need only to bring into my recovery the willingness to grow. Today I am ready to grow.
“Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 98
How can I keep this truth alive in my own consciousness today?
This is something I had to learn the hard way. It didn’t matter who thought what. What they wanted for me. What their opinions were. Or what they did. What mattered is that I began doing whatever it took to end my day sober for me regardless of anyone else. Along the way, I made a relationship with my HP and began cleaning house when I joined AA. If I hadn’t, I guarantee I’d have picked up again by now. Even just not drinking, my life was still a mess honestly. The easier, softer way actually was working this program. And I’m grateful it’s given me a life I’ve never dreamed was possible today.
This resonates very powerfully for me. My healthiest and happiest parts of my identity are as student and as teacher. Indeed it was the teachers in my childhood who showed me healthy safe consistency and love that was never stable or consistent in my home. I became a teacher to fulfill that part of myself and to share and care for others.
When I was drinking, I did not understand that recovery is different from sobriety. Learning that, and learning that I can spend my time and energy in new learning, new studying, and even new teaching, is a big part of why I love this part of myself life and am so grateful to be sober and recovering. It brings me joy and helps me bring loving support to others who may be interested in learning more.
The willingness to grow is the essence of all spiritual development.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 171
A line from a song goes, “. . . and I look to find a reason to believe . . .” It reminds me that at one time I was not able to find a reason to believe that my life was all right. Even though my life had been saved by my coming to A.A., three months later I went out and drank again. Someone told me: “You don’t have to believe. Aren’t you willing to believe that there is a reason for your life, even though you may not know yourself what that reason is, or that you may not sometimes know the right way to behave?” When I saw how willing I was to believe there was a reason for my life, then I could start to work on the Steps. Now when I begin with, “I am willing. . . ,” I am using the key that leads to action, honesty, and an openness to a Higher Power moving through my life.
We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us." — Big Book, p. 133
In what ways am I learning that recovery is not about suffering, but about living more freely and fully?
Oh man, this one hits the heart today. I really used to think life was just that-a miserable experience. I clung to the negative in life. I grieved so much. I hated so much. I remember as a child saying I didn’t want to live life as a grown up. I struggled with being here. As an adult, I tried looking for the positives to such a degree that I ignored the stuff that was going wrong in my life. I drank or smoked it away. I was not happy, I was just trying to mask the misery.
The 12 steps and the program of AA REALLY helped me to clear out my clutter. To see what made me tick and what my tendencies really were. But I also learned how to be authentic and acknowledge the hard stuff too and work through it in a healthy way instead of burying my head in the sand. I’ve been shown how to live life on life’s terms and be truly happy! A new happiness and freedom truly was discovered, like the promises said. I am SO effing grateful for this today!
We feel a man is unthinking when he says sobriety is enough.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 82
When I reflect on Step Nine, I see that physical sobriety must be enough for me. I need to remember the hopelessness I felt before I found sobriety, and how I was willing to go to any lengths for it. Physical sobriety is not enough for those around me, however, since I must see that God’s gift is used to build a new life for my family and loved ones. Just as importantly, I must be available to help others who want the A.A. way of life.
I ask God to help me share the gift of sobriety so that its benefits may be shown to those I know and love.
“We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be.” — Big Book, p. 68
What fears can I turn over to my Higher Power today? What might I be if I were not driven by fear?
It’s so funny because I used to think I was fearless! Ha! In working the program, I’ve become aware of how my actions were actually just about always rooted in fear and they still can be. But, because I am aware of it, fear no longer has to run my life. My sponsor told me recently that courage is built by being afraid and doing it anyway. I always get good results too when I do just that, move forward even when I’m afraid. Today I will look for more opportunities to do exactly that and trust my HP instead of my fears that want to keep me stuck and stagnant.
As I grow older, this strikes me as a guidepost to hold in front of me on difficult days. It also reminds me that the only person who can make change in my life is me. I deserve to experience spiritual development and must keep the work in front of me in order to make progress. I also must take steps to remove barriers in this work. I have removed alcohol. Can I remove other toxic situations? I’m learning that I can. Each time I make a change to protect my sobriety and recovery and mental health, I find that I am gaining peace. One day at a time.
My first reaction was, “what do u want?” In the old lifestyle that I lived in for years, nothing was for free. Took me ages to realize that the people in those rooms give freely, and they get in return is to keep their sobriety. Its such a beautiful program!
