Yes to all of this. Including parents who raised me to push as hard and as fast as possible.
Now I work hard to be present and mindful. I try to make careful decisions instead of constantly “ambitious “ decisions. It is hard work to do this, but it brings me better days and more restful nights. When I look back at my childhood, I can now see that my parents were really struggling with their own issues and the message of ambition was what they thought would work. Now I try to practice compassion and acceptance of the situation we were all in. Letting go of my anger is also hard work. But I am getting there. One day at a time.
4 Likes
September 4~Daily Reflections
RECONSTRUCTION
Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. . . .
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83
The reconstruction of my life is the prime goal in my recovery as I avoid taking that first drink, one day at a time. The task is most successfully accomplished by working the Steps of our Fellowship. The spiritual life is not a theory; it works, but I have to live it. Step Two started me on my journey to develop a spiritual life; Step Nine allows me to move into the final phase of the initial Steps which taught me how to live a spiritual life. Without the guidance and strength of a Higher Power, it would be impossible to proceed through the various stages of reconstruction. I realize that God works for me and through me. Proof comes to me when I realize that God did for me what I could not do for myself, by removing that gnawing compulsion to drink. I must continue daily to seek God’s guidance. He grants me a daily reprieve and will provide the power I need for reconstruction.
From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.
4 Likes
“Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.” — Big Book, p. 58
What “old ideas” am I still clinging to that might be blocking my growth?
Ooh, this is a great question. I know where my own ideas got me, and it was no where good. I’ve been asking my HP to show me the way into the life that’s being asked of me instead of what I would want for myself lately. I’m trying to surrender more and be led. My HP knows far better than I do, so I’m trying to release my character defects and ground myself in faith over my fears. Part of that is working through my limiting and even untrue beliefs. One day at a time, I have faith I’ll continue to be shown the way. 
4 Likes
@MandiH Reconstruction! what a important word! I long for it
2 Likes
Sooooomuch work to keep doing on myself and my life here. My growth is always blocked when I look at what others are doing instead of focusing on my own journey. When I get caught up in worries about others, I am gripped my my desires to control and improve and modify what I see. This does not work well. Turning back to what is at hand for me to work on and trusting that the rest will come about is hard spiritual work. One day at a time.
3 Likes
September 5~Daily Reflections
EMOTIONAL BALANCE
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, . . .
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 83
When I survey my drinking days, I recall many people whom my life touched casually, but whose days I troubled through my anger and sarcasm. These people are untraceable, and direct amends to them are not possible. The only amends I can make to those untraceable individuals, the only “changes for the better” I can offer, are indirect amends made to other people, whose paths briefly cross mine. Courtesy and kindness, regularly practiced, help me to live in emotional balance, at peace with myself.
From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.
3 Likes
“We, in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 28
What do I remember about the desperation that first brought me to recovery?
Awww man, that gift of desperation was truly one of the biggest gifts I’ve ever been given. The misery. The discomfort and sickness. The drowning, I was definitely drowning in the bottle. I was barely treading water. When I got sober, I found a small lifejacket. Then AA came along and I was saved by a boat full of people. I never would have changed if life was comfortable, and I’ve truly changed my entire being and my life thanks to that gift of desperation. I am grateful for my recovery today. I don’t want that old life back.
3 Likes
I’m so SO grateful for your shares on this thread, I absolutely LOVE reading them all! Thank you @LAB @Bomdhil @Amelie @Butterflymoonwoman @Here.I.am
4 Likes
September 6~Daily Reflections
REMOVING THREATS TO SOBRIETY
. . . except when to do so would injure them or others.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59
Step Nine restores in me a feeling of belonging, not only to the human race but also to the everyday world. First, the Step makes me leave the safety of A.A., so that I may deal with non-A.A. people “out there,” on their terms, not mine. It is a frightening but necessary action if I am to get back into life. Second, Step Nine allows me to remove threats to my sobriety by healing past relationships. Step Nine points the way to a more serene sobriety by letting me clear away past wreckage, lest it bring me down.
From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.
4 Likes
“We cannot be reconciled to life until we have seen how hopeless it is to struggle alone.” — Big Book, p. 45
Where do I still try to “go it alone”? What would surrender look like instead?
I truly used to think it was such a flex to be able to do things all on my own. To be SO independent, I didn’t need anyone or anything from anyone. Ha! No wonder why life was such a constant struggle. It’s actually far better when lived with others. Helping eachother. Growing together. There’s a lot of power in it! In my sobriety, I never ever could have done it alone and I’m SO grateful for everyone that has come onto my path to help me. Today I will look for more opportunities to be able to accept help and work with others to keep living a better life!
4 Likes
I am currently going thru this now. I have always been so independent. What i thought was a positive trait to have has actually been my downfall recently. Being so independent closes me off to others. Not only that, but it creates alot of internal stress and can actually hurt others bcuz i am not including them in my feelings, thoughts, or tasks. My stress (from being independent) comes out as irritablility. And that irritablility effects those around me. I am learning to trust others with my feelings and thoughts. Im learning to tear that “wall” down slowly, so that i can include others into my life. Its tough. But i want this.
3 Likes
September 7~Daily Reflections
“OUR SIDE OF THE STREET”
We are there to sweep off our side of the street, realizing that nothing worth while can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell him what he should do. His faults are not discussed. We stick to our own.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 77-78
I made amends to my dad soon after I quit drinking. My words fell on deaf ears since I had blamed him for my troubles. Several months later I made amends to my dad again. This time I wrote a letter in which I did not blame him nor mention his faults. It worked, and at last I understood! My side of the street is all that I’m responsible for and — thanks to God and A.A. — it’s clean for today.
From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.
3 Likes
“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 83
Where have I already been “amazed” by the changes recovery has brought into my life?
Oh man, where haven’t I been amazed? I’ve been pretty floored honestly at the results all the way through. Since I surrendered to working the program, my life has changed drastically. The thing I am most grateful for I would say that has been truly incredible in my life has been my connection to my HP. And to others. Today I can still struggle at times letting people fully in, but I do let them in. Same with my HP. I never really let that connection in before and it’s changed everything for the better. I can still struggle from time to time handing over the reigns but I catch it pretty quickly (because I get uncomfortable and things start going sideways) so I them hand my will back over to my HP the best I can. This is when things get really good and the promises can work in my life.
3 Likes
@MandiH Wow these are both great readings! Its like perfect timing for me as I have been working on taking care of my side of the street when it comes to my husband and our relationship. And a part of that is how I communicate with him. Im finding that i am a very closed off person in a sense and very independant. Ive realized some things about myself (flaws i guess) that I am currently working on. The ability to see these and to work on them with the help of my HP, is one of the amazing gifts of recovery that I have received.
3 Likes
September 8~Daily Reflections
“WE ASKED HIS PROTECTION”
We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59
I could not manage my life alone. I had tried that road and failed. My “ultimate sin” dragged me down to the lowest level I have ever reached and, unable even to function, I accepted the fact that I desperately needed help. I stopped fighting and surrendered entirely to God.
Only then did I start growing! God forgave me. A Higher Power had to have saved me, because the doctors doubted that I would survive. I have forgiven myself now and I enjoy a freedom I have never before experienced. I’ve opened my heart and mind to Him. The more I learn, the less I know — a humbling fact — but I sincerely want to keep growing. I enjoy serenity, but only when I entrust my life totally to God. As long as I am honest with myself and ask for His help, I can maintain this rewarding existence.
Just for today, I strive to live His will for me — soberly.
I thank God that today I can choose not to drink.
Today, life is beautiful!
From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.
3 Likes
“We have ceased fighting anything or anyone—even alcohol.” — Big Book, p. 84
What am I still fighting in my life today? How can I replace the fight with acceptance and spiritual growth?
Ooh this is a good one. It took me SO long to come around to the realization that fighting against anything actually keeps the energy present and alive longer. Today I try to not fight gods plan for my life. That’s my biggest battle-between how I think it should look and what it actually does look like. So today I will continue to look for more opportunities to surrender to my HP and the divine plan instead of my own.
3 Likes
This really hit me this morning. In the past, I never, EVER thought I had a choice. I reacted on impulse all of the time. If i thought of using, i did everything in my power to get it. A complete slave to drugs.
Today, in recovery, God gave me the ability to have a choice. And bcuz i am connected to that Power, the right choice is always to stay clean and sober. I am forever grateful that God showed me that there is another way!
3 Likes
Oooo this is a good one!!! Lol For sooo many years, i literally fought everything and everyone. I had (and at times still do have) an issue with control and wanting things to turn out the way I want them to. I realize today, with Gods help, that my way got me to recovery and therefore, my way doesnt work. I had to be honest, open minded, and willing to accept God into my life and learn to let go and cease fighting everything and everyone. I have no control over people, places, and the outcomes of situations. I can however control my own actions and how i respond. By having God in my life, i can respond appropriately 
3 Likes
September 9~Daily Reflections
OPENING NEW DOORS
They [the Promises] are being fulfilled among us — sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84
The Promises talked about in this passage are slowly coming to life for me. What has given me hope is putting Step Nine into action. The Step has allowed me to see and set goals for myself in recovery.
Old habits and behaviors die hard. Working Step Nine enables me to close the door on the drunk I was, and to open new avenues for myself as a sober alcoholic. Making direct amends is crucial for me. As I repair relationships and behavior of the past, I am better able to live a sober life!
Although I have some years of sobriety, there are times when the "old stuff’ from the past needs to be taken care of, and Step Nine always works, when I work it.
From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.
3 Likes
“We found that God does not make too hard terms with those who seek Him.” — Big Book, p. 46
How am I overcomplicating my spiritual growth? Where can I let it be simpler?
I’ve come to learn that my higher power meets me where I am. I don’t need to follow a specific religion or path to get there, I can create my own. I’ve absolutely over-complicated this (I am super good at that!) But it’s really simple. I ask God for connection, for insight, to have the best way forward illuminated for me, how I can best help others and myself and to allow thy will to be done, not my own, etc. Then I stay open for the opportunities, answers and insights that arrive. If I seek my HP, my HP is always found.
3 Likes