I’m kicking myself…again. I’m back on day 1. I just seem to feel motivated and charged when I take opioids(pain killers) which unfortunately I have been on and off (mostly on) for the better part of 12 years managing a successful career and now in retirement. This year has been a rollercoaster for stop/starts. I managed to quite for more than 40 days this year to go overseas. But then when I got back I thought one or two to get me started on some projects I’m working on…and well it didn’t take long before it was back to everyday….I’ve tapered down recently and now stopped cold turkey yesterday. I hate this acute phase and I don’t think I’ve been off long enough (never more than 3-4 months) to really appreciate being off these things. I still consume alcohol on occasion (about twice a month) and will continue to do so but I’m trying to swear off these pills. Hoping to find others in a similar situation, or others to provide encouragement on here, at least for a little while.
Welcome Klay!
One day at a time. One moment even. Distraction was very instrumental in the early days for me. Read around, interact with whatever helps you get past the craving. I also slept a LOT in the early days and relied heavily on tasty treats (mostly my favorite coffees ) spent time with loved ones and wrote down reasons to get sober.
Something different works for everyone, but being here is an amazing resource because there are so many of us right alongside you taking one day at a time.
Glad you’re here 
Thank you. I usually count to 120hrs as that number in the past seems to be when I feel better. I’m at 25, just 95hrs to go.
Do you have any hobbies? You said you were doing some projects. Craft / building? Or something else?
I have a lot of hobbies, playing/making music, writing, reading, games, and even some kayaking.
That sounds like a lot of fun! I haven’t been kayaking in years 
but yeah music and a notebook by the water sounds like a great time to me
I hope to see you around here. Odaat we can do it 
it’s like reading a mirror in here sometimes. Very similar past. I used to tell people that the perk of Percocet is that it made me perky. I think that’s the most dangerous. When the repercussions don’t slap you on a regular basis it’s hard to admit an issue. When I was sober people thought I was high bc I wasn’t on my game like when I had them. I have since discovered that feeling was hollow and everything I was trying to be on them is not who I actually wanted to be. I hope this makes sense. I’m glad you’re here. Feel free to share as much or as little as you’d like. Saw you found the check in thread, that’s awesome. We got this 
Reading your post and everyone’s responses really hit home for me too. What you’re describing — the cycle, the feeling of being “on” with the substances versus off of them — is something so many of us here understand. It’s hard because the consequences aren’t always immediate, but the damage adds up inside.
I really like how you’ve held onto hobbies like music, writing, and even kayaking — those are lifelines. They’re not just distractions; they’re parts of you that are still there, waiting to grow once the fog clears.
Keep leaning into those things, keep checking in, keep posting. This place is proof you’re not alone and that recovery really does happen one day at a time. Glad you’re here with us. We got this.
If you don’t want to quit drinking, that’s none of our business. If you want to quit drinking, that’s Alcoholics Anonymous business.I am sending a message of “hope” to you from afar. Good luck, PS: don’t kick yourself unless you want to. We don’t shoot our wounded.
have you ever tried NA? don’t be too hard on yourself, i went through the same kinda thing. don’t give up, there is a solution. opiates are a very hard habit (maybe the hardest?) to break.
but there is recovery for you there
welcome to the community as well
i have some bad news for you, my friend. @Klay if you are an addict, which only you can decide if you are, you probably won’t be able to drink successfully either - but that’s just what most people in recovery that I know have said.
are these prescribed or are they off the streets?
U said everything i wanted to say lmao
@Klay It is true that in almost every case, we must stop using all mind altering substances in order to recover. I found that when i quit one addiction, the other addictions increased. Or by using one substance, it triggered the urge to get another substance. It all goes hand in hand honestly. We cant have one foot in recovery and the other in the problem. But im proud of u for wanting to quit pills right now. Thats an amazing start! Its not easy but its soooo worth it!
Just wanted to welcome u to the forum! Lots of supportive people here. Hope ur doing well since u posted last. Reach out daily to stay connected 
Thanks everyone for the kind words, encouragement, similar stories, and much needed advice. It’s been 37hrs and I have the strength for a shower. This time seems a little easier, probably because I wasn’t on them as long and I didn’t start increasing my “daily dose” much at all.
I’m concerned about my motivation and procrastination. The oxycodone was a great motivator for me to get going with my day. I’m sure I will get used to not having them and find other motivators to begin a project (or finish one) but I have no idea what those will be.
The oxycodone (which is overly prescribed to a friend who has life long pain management freely gives me large quantities of them, he is on other pain meds and weed is legal here and he has moved to that so he has extra pills all the time although they are cutting him down and I start to run out towards the end of each refill…I’m tired of counting them, sneaking them everywhere I go, timing my day around them, and now worry about when my friends next prescription will be ready so I don’t have to go through withdrawals every couple months….i’m done with them.) so they were pharmaceutical grade pills not any “street pressed” stuff.
I’m not concerned about having an occasional beer or cigar. I’ve been doing that for 35 years and don’t see myself doing more of it. That’s a vice I enjoy at the right time, place, and with the right company. And if none of those things line up (which most days do not) I don’t have any interest in consuming any. I don’t think about them, crave, them etc…. I walk past my fridge of beer and humidor of cigars many times a day and hardly give them a second thought, although I check the humidor to make sure the moisture content is correct. It was the oxycodone that I think about all the time to get me going. Beer and cigars (which I smoke outside, so if the weather is bad, windy, cold, etc I just don’t smoke them, the I still have to have the right people or event, etc) don’t motivate me.
As for meetings, I looked into NA but not fond of the “god stuff”. I’ve always tried to go at this alone. I had a terrific career (retired), still have a great long marriage, kids (although 4 years ago, our eldest died from cancer, he was 21 and in college), great non using friends, activities, etc. I still want all that, but without sneaking to swallow a pill. Hoping some check ins here and gaining insight here will keep me in check.
Hi there. How are you ?
@z_james_kick and @JVKE make the excellent point - you have failed to mention anything about how you managed to stay off the stuff for your 40 days. Avoidance, white knuckling, even distraction via hobbies or yoga or the gym, are all short term strategies, but they are not a plan to stay sober. I hope you see the difference.
I’ll tell you what struck me when I wanted desperately to get sober, made the decision, and cast around for a plan. The people in AA have this going for them - they know how to stay sober and at the time I did not. The idea of higher power is often oversold in AA and NA (your mileage may vary) as being god-centric and in particular Christian, but what it really is about, for me, is the connection between that part of me that is not logical or emotional, that is the energy that makes me alive, and the source of that energy. More metaphysics than religion, for me, and for lots of people around here. Our AA here is wonderful that way, the biggest damn tent you ever did see.
Back to my point - to get sober and stay sober, I had involuntary accountability for my abstinence (court orders to provide daily breath samples), I got on meds specific to alcoholism, I went to counseling, I went to AA, I went to intensive outpatient. I did something every day to make sure I laid a sober head on my pillow at night. What I have heard is that hope is a great motivation and a lousy strategy. Take steps, be honest, be willing to get uncomfortable, and don’t stop. Keep moving forward. In the athletic racing world, we say puking is ok, crying is ok, stumbling is ok, crawling is ok, but keep moving forward.
Here are some threads that have helpful info and experience for you to check out. Blessings on your house 
, as you take up your journey again.
Thank you for your replies. My many years, about 40yrs I’ve dabbled here and there on substances, drank occasionally and never have had any problems. I feel that way today, except for the oxycodone. It has always made me feel less anxious, more motivated, focused, etc, but it comes with a cost, although a subtle one but one I don’t want. When I was sober for 40 days I quit for a week, was out of the country for 3 weeks and came home for a week then started taking them again. I didn’t think about them while I was away, it is when I’m home and have to get my day started, or focus on a project/hobby etc that my mind says, “ok, are we ready to stat, check, check, check, did we pop a pill…not yet….we need this to get focused/motivated/confident etc.”.
Currently day 16 off oxycodone. I’ve started back on several projects and even started to exercise more.
I personally rediscovered yoga and meditation when letting go of pills. It has helped my focus and anxiety immensely. I was the same way with percs so when I let go of them I had to relearn how to function and cope in a healthier way. You almost have 3 weeks… so proud of you
Thanks @CR84. After this weekend, I plan to start exercising much more. I’m hoping my body and mind feel better after a stronger exercise routine.
day 20, oxy free.
I am so proud of you. What kind of exercise are you thinking, if you don’t mind sharing. Also, if you need a motivation buddy my DM is open.