I’m 59, and have been enslaved by alcohol for my entire adult life. Yet again I’ve been on a bender, lost a couple of days, and my thoughts/feelings are all over the place. I know I want this to end, it’s no fun, but every time I get a few days sober my head goes into autopilot and I find myself with a bottle in my hand. I can play the tape forward, but I seem to zone out and it’s like watching a movie. Even though I know how things will end I can’t stop the cycle. I’m an intelligent woman, but something seems to take over. My husband is furious with me and I know he’s distancing himself from me, who could blame him? I’m terrified I’m going to lose him as there’s only so many times he can forgive me before he’s had enough. Sober me is so angry with drunk me.
I’m not good at reaching out for support, the shame usually stops me, but I need help so here I am. Yesterday and today I have attended 3 online SMART Recovery meetings, I’m not brave enough to go to a face to face meeting at this point. At the moment I can’t see any further than staying sober today. I’m terrified of the future.
I would appreciate any help/advice that others can give me.
This is the best way to start. Stay sober in this moment, next moment, next moment and end up with a sober head on your pillow.
I have been involved in many different communities. Some I love ALL of it, some a little of it…but what I know is that communities matter in a big way. This forum is THE community for many.
Like others said, or will say, try them all, it doesn’t hurt your progress.
I can surely relate. For me it is not a problem to not drink for a few days, but to keep this durable and never do so again. After some time I fall back which is very frustrating. The mental agony the day after is always very intense and takes time to wear off. I never want to feel this way again which is my reason to stop.
Welcome, Sue. You mentioned going on autopilot. For me, a crucial part of sobriety has been turning the autopilot off and acting with intention. If I’m not on autopilot, I can exercise control over my choices, and if the first drink isn’t automatic, then I don’t have the first, the second, or the tenth.
Hey Sue, nice to meet you. I am Dan, and I have been an alcoholic most my adult life. I am familiar with the cycle, I was on it for years. It’s impossible for me to count the number of times I tried to quit, nothing I did worked, I kept going back, until I found a way, this app and this forum.
My advice is to take it one day at a time. Commit to being sober, just for today. Also, commit to coming here everyday. You don’t have to post, but if you just read a few posts here and there, you begin to see your not alone in this and there is support. If you do that, the chances of breaking the cycle greatly increases.
I hope to see you around, you deserve your freedom from alcohol.
Hi sue and all. I too am starting over after countless times of trying to quit. Similarly, I have ruined relationships and have hurt others in the process of my addiction. I am almost a week alcohol free and I’m still trying to resist many times a day. I am encouraged by all of the honesty and the advice to take sobriety slowly and with intention. Best of luck to you.
Hi Sue!
I’m so grateful you are here and reaching out for help. I almost lost my wife and kids until I attended in person AA meetings and finally got a sponsor. Take small steps forward. One day, one hour at a time. Don’t think about tomorrow. Focus on the present. I LOVE this platform. I’ve found so many people who continue to support me. Grateful you are here!
do NOT recommend THAT experience) it was minute to minute at times.