Horrible relaspe last night. I stopped drinking just before New year’s Eve, mostly. My defining moment was an evening of verbly abusing my wife, not letting up, and not remembering any of it the next day. I went to counseling for Alohol addiction and discussed my past 20 years of substance abuse and more importantly my past 7 years of heavy drinking…Along with all kinds of other things.
Did pretty good with “cutting” back and even would not drink for a week or so at a time. Then, yesterday because of an exceptionally stressful day I drank way to much wine and ended up going off on my wife again. I feel absolutely horrible. So, here I am. Day 1 again. If I can’t do it this time, my only option is Rehab. I Really Really do not want that.
Welcome @lee8632 Here’s some stuff to read that might help you on your journey. This forum is full of supportive people walking in sobriety with you.
Hi @lee8632 an welcome to the forum! 
You may have to honestly evaluate if “cutting back” / moderation is a workable strategy for you. For many people out here, full sobriety was the only realistic option. Try to spend some time looking into the resources @Melrm pointed to, or asking advice, rehab may not be the only option.
My father went to rehab 3 times, it’s not the program but the lvl of commitment you put into it. I’m not knocking rehab, but if that’s the last thing you wanna do then commit.
Thank you so much for the resources, I have already been exploring. I also had a long overdue 
to with Christine… Difficult but very necessary.
Thank you for taking the time to help me, it is appreciated and valued. Had a long talk with Christine today, difficult but necessary.
Personally, I don’t think you are in a position where “controlled” drinking is a viable option. I mean, you went at your wife aggressively, twice, not remembering at all. What’s to stop you from causing more harm next time? You can try again but it sounds like you recognize that you weren’t doing too hot with moderation 
So, start here. Stay sober today, and keep going tomorrow! It sounds like your wife wants to support you so show her that she is worth committing to a sober life. I did it by drinking izze (soda) every night (to have something familiar to do), learning a ton of new crafts (crocheting, sewing, drawing, soap-making, st cetera), buying recovery books (and reading them!), and cutting down on any unnecessary stress in my life (including shopping- thank goodness for grocery delivery!).
You can do this if you really want it but you must put in the effort!
Great advice, thank you for sharing!
Thank you for sharing lee8632. Your story could be mine, substituting husband for wife. Today is day two sober for me and I am SO happy not to wake up in fear of what I said or did the night before. My husband says he doesn’t like the woman in his house from about 5pm on because she is belligerent, demeaning, loud and scary. But he loves his wife. I’m glad your wife is supporting you in this journey. My husband’s support has meant the world to me. Take it easy and choose not to drink today. Sometimes that’s all that keeps me going. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, but today I’m choosing not to drink.
@Janelle Yeah I get it. The crazy part is I have no problem not drinking for several days, don’t even think about it. But then I have a random day off or extra alone time and it is game on. Once that happens, there is no stopping me.
Christine and I talked about this today, she thinks I am super awesome when I am sober and is fed up with the loud and beligerant when intoxicated.
Today is Day 2. Tomorrow is Day 3. I am looking ahead, finding the downtime in my day(s) and filling them with more productive things than drinking, even it is just going for a walk around the neighborhood.
@Roga Thanks for sharing. Keep in touch, I am interested in your story and want to help of I can.