Like many people here I have had thousands of “day ones” …. today is the last.
It really is as simple as refusing to engage with the poison.
I have had a problem with alcohol since my teenage years. I was doomed from the start with alcoholic parents and severe social anxiety. I have had a desire to stop drinking since 2011. Have had multiple sober runs with the longest being a year and half. I was the happiest I’d ever been in my adult life. That is until 2021 when my dad died. I gave myself permission to start again. What a mistake.
All of the old embarrassing and terrible behaviors crept back in. Day drinking, secret drinking, drunk dog walks, drunken conversations, drunken decisions, and the most severe regret drunk driving. Drinking until there are only a few hours until I need to go to work. Drinking until I can’t remember. Husband disappointed. Kids disappointed. I’ve lost myself once again.
Shit… I really hear you. I was sober for 4years before my father 's passing. My relapse was so severe that it lead me to incarceration for drinking and driving. Thanks to all the people who help me, I only served 28 days for a sentence of 4months. All this to say that it’s true, addiction will lead you to death, jail or insanity. You’ve had some sober time…try to remember the good times from then and get back onto a healthy lifestyle. Take care and don’t quit trying to quit!
Try thinking of sobriety as all out war against alcohol, every day is a battle, but, the longer you’re sober the easier it is to win the daily battles.
You’ve got to keep fighting for yourself and your sobriety for the rest of your life.
This concept helped me, take care & don’t take the 1st drink &
I think…get your head around the fact that you can never have permission to drink ever again, no matter what happens in your life your sobriety is your top priority and so you have to find another way. I tell myself…Kelly…the only thing you cannot do is drink…that leaves ALOT of other options
If it sticks for good, it only has to happen once. Sounds like you have learnt lots of lessons, the hard way, and you are ready for that one time to happen. You CAN do it. What did you do in the time you were a year and a half sober?
So, during that year and a half I had my dad (recovering alcoholic) there to help me and keep me accountable. I felt, for the the first time in my life, a connection with him. Our relationship was complicated to say the least. But, I finally felt he was proud of me. I was proud of me.
Anyway. He is dead and not coming back. I need to look inwardly for inspiration and accountability.
Im sorry for whats happened with your dad, sorry for your loss, but you must do this for you and only you and you really can do that. Be really honest with yourself and start working out what it is and then working on what the real cause/causes for your drinking are…for me it was deep rooted self esteem issues mainly, i think thats the key
Maybe, or maybe outwardly to other alcoholics in AA, or SMART, or Recovery Dharma. I’m so sorry you dad isn’t around to support you, but support from other people in a program could help you too, I think. Some counselling to work on social anxiety, childhood trauma, too. You don’t have to do this alone.
Wow… I can feel your pain. My Dad was my biggest source of motivation and he passed away last year. My mother died 7years ago, so pretty much I’m an orphan. But deceased parents are watching us from upstairs and want us to stay sober and healthy. Stay strong. One day at a time and one minute at a time if needed.
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. I did the same thing after my father passed. I had already started drinking again after a little over a month sober, but after that I took it to a new level. I landed myself in the hospital for the second time with alcoholic hepatitis and I’m now on day 86 of sobriety! Being sober is HARD but so is being in active addiction. We just have to choose the kind of hard we want to live. Don’t let these set backs get you down. You got this. Take it day by day, minute by minute, second by second if you have to. You’re not alone and freedom is possible! Sending you lots of love
I was sober for 6 years then decided I was normal again.
Needless to say I proved yet again that I couldn’t drink normally - after one I just couldn’t stop until the booze was gone or I was unconscious.
20 years later I now have 92 days and have proved to myself I cannot drink ever again. I’m happy with that decision.
I hope your journey back to sobriety lasts a good long time. Good luck.