My name Is Ryan I am a high functioning alcoholic. Started very young more then half my life a problem drinker. Due to the mental physical emotional and sexual abuse. Now it seems a routine went about 4 months sober. Happiest time with my soon to be spouse in her words. 1 pint im fine once i consume a 5th i become a monster. The asshole id never become the whiskey makes me hurtful and mean. I dont remember anything from the night before. Day 1 again for me hopeful for good this time. Thanks for listening.
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Welcome back Ryan. What are you willing to do to stay sober? Nothing changes if nothing changes. Put an action plan together and start today. Have you considered AA? Maintaining sobriety takes a lot of hard work but it’s so worth it.
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You can put any word in front of alcoholic; highly functional, sloppy, messy and (put word here). In the end I’m still an alcoholic! It’s just a matter of time before something BIG happens where I wasn’t an functional alcoholic anymore. The only reason I bring this up, this was exactly who I was! I would try and justify everything or anybody that said I was an alcoholic. I think it was a defense mechanism I used for me not to accept with all my soul that I could never drink again and live a happy life. Best of luck with starting over on your journey.
It reminds me of a Mario brothers game where I would always jump over a fiery rope only to be hit by a firing bullet. I would do the same thing over and over expecting a different result. What are you going to do different?
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When I showed up in AA, I heard that a high functioning alcoholic was… a drunk. And I needed to hear that, to help break my denial that I could stay sober on my own for anything more than 2-3 days.
You’ve had a good experience with sobriety and a bad experience with drinking. Coming here can help you to reinforce your sobriety daily. Here’s a couple of threads about ways to do that. Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey.
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