I’ve been drinking and taking cocaine and ketamine for 11 years. It’s all I know, I’ve been to prison, lost my family and partner. And I’m at a point where I see my struggle. And I know I need to heal, but I keep relapsing. And destroying myself. This weekend I sniffed £500 and I can’t do this anymore. I guess this is a cry for help. Maybe… I just know I can’t live this lifestyle anymore. It’s killing me.
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Hey Ryan welcome to TS. Like Farmer said being willing to admit we have a problem is the first step, then being willing to put in the effort it takes to stop is the next.
If you were a daily user of that amount a medical detox would probably be a safer option for you. How are you feeling?
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My ketamine use is daily but I mainly sniff coke on the weekends. To keep me going, I’ve eaten today, and I’m working, but my kidneys hurt and my breathing is awful. I know I’ve got to rattle for the next couple of days and I’ll be ok. Thank you for your message
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Thank you for your kind message and your information. In England and my town. our drink culture is such that it’s not a problem, but I think about drinking every day. I will look into places and groups in my area if there are any!
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Ok good, happy to hear you will be safe detoxing on your own. We can help you through those super strong urges when they come. I just had to say to myself " I won’t pick up until 3." Then when 3 got here I put it off until 4 and so on. But those first 5 days were brutal, literally hour by hour for me. It worked though I got through them. And I drank a ton of water to flush my system.
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Welcome to TS 
what your experiencing right now DOES NOT have to continue, it really doesn’t. My most recent DOC was crack cocaine, but at various points in my life I was addicted to other substances… ketamine being one of them (this was quite some time ago). We as addicts are completely powerless over our addictions. They are cunning, baffling, and powerful. By staying connected to others like here on TS, meetings (if u do that), and developing new skills, this old way of life doesn’t have to be your reality. I was literally a chronic relpaser for 22 years (outside of having a 3 year span of clean time). And today I have 3 weeks! I literally couldn’t get past 3 days!! The 1st thing I did was write down (in detail) my reasons for quitting drugs. I kept this on me at all times for whenever my mind would lie to me about being able to have “just one” or “I can’t handle this emotion/situation without drugs” or “I need an escape” etc. Knowing when that little addict voice is talking to me and being able to shut it down was a big step. And the people here on TS are amazing, and non judgmental, and give lots of great suggestions. Definitly reach out before u pick up! Intervene before u use keep posting and read lots on the threads on this forum! Lots of great advice!
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Hi 
Welcome.
Take one day at a time, believe in yourself believe you can do this. Im glad you found us here, we all are on this journey and there is so much support for you here.
Keeping reaching out. 
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