Day 1, new here

Dealing with a lot of anxiety and regret today. I went on a two day drinking bender. Lied to a lot of people. Called out of work too with a lie. Lied to my mother. Made really bad decisions over the last two days. I get to a point like this where I tell myself I need to quit drinking before something seriously bad happens to me. I have so much to lose. My job, truck, relationships. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to just stop. I have had a few dry days but never been able to go long periods of time. I’m sick of the hangovers and how I feel emotionally after the fact. I downloaded this app today hoping it will help me with accountability. I never considered myself an addict but my actions are proving me otherwise and it’s a tough pill for me to swallow…

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What you are feeling is the cycle of the disease of addiction friend. You’ve been brave enough to recognize that your life is becoming unmanageable with alcohol being used to self medicate. We all have a life to live. We have choices to make, picture a fork in the road. One way with booze gives you temporary relief but the next day, “the bill is due”. By bill, I mean, emotionally and physically you are weakened by the drink. Lying, missing work, worrying about what could be if you stay in this cycle and on this path is your rational mind telling you that this cannot continue. The other path is facing life without the drink. Life is a struggle man, we are all here because we have realized what you have just posted. To face life without that temporary escape is fear inducing. However, write down the pros and cons of drinking and not drinking. You will ultimately see that the path you’ve chosen to deal with life’s issues is causing more problems in the long term. We all want to feel good and to have someone tell us that everything is going to be alright. This is where meetings, psychiatrists, sober contacts, and working a program that is suitable to your life can change your behavior. Imagine a life without the hangovers, lying, and the guilt and shame that has stemmed from drinking. This won’t be easy. That’s why a popular phrase is “one day at a time”. Anyone can win the battle of one day at a time. Just for today, don’t pick up the bottle. If u have a craving, seek other outlets for relief. We have damaged our relationships with friends and family due to our addictions. You can reach out to those you’ve lost touch with while you’ve been boozing. I know this sounds like the greatest challenge ever but that’s because it will be. I promise you, if u stay the course and win the battle of one day at a time, you will start to make gains…emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually! The world is yours. I’ve been sober for 10 years and clean for 3 months TODAY! If I could do it , you can do it. I hit rock bottom multiple times. I’ve had more second chances than anyone else I’ve ever known. This is helping me stay on the right path by helping you? Are you beginning to see? It’s all there for you, if you surrender, and begin to live a sober life. “What I want is what I’ve not got, but what I need is all around me”. Well, I’m gonna go jump on my bike and enjoy this sunshine and get my mind right. U can do it

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Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I am happy I chose to download the app and can keep these conversations going while I work through this. I want to take my life back from my addictions. I want to find joy again in everything I do have and all the beautiful things in life that I have access to and realize how much I have to lose if I keep drinking. I have done a lot of journaling about the cons of drinking and it’s a cvs receipt of reasons why I should stop but I kept on drinking…but I’m here now so one day at a time I’m going to do my best

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Google “Radical Acceptance”
Doing your best and allowing time to take it’s course is one way of not giving in to the shame and guilt that our addictions have brought us.

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Welcome :heart: I am 6 days sober after the same realization. I’ve tried to quit before but always fall back into the same pattern of only a drink and a week later I’m drinking every single day a ton. It’s a scary realization to admit having a problem. I am terrified to think I shouldn’t drink ever again. For my whole life. But then I’m on day 6 and feel better then I have in months. I always tell myself I don’t have a problem but I feel like I’m kidding myself so I don’t have to stop… congrats on having your day 1 and I hope this app helps you as much as it has helped me. Having a community to talk to you about stuff, to confide all your terrible stories to without judgement and to have a place to go when you feel like you’re going to give up is such an enormous weight off the chest. It gives me a place to be honest when I feel like I’ve been lying to everyone for so long. Keep up the good work :heart:

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Thank you so much and it feels good hearing that I am definitely not alone. It is also scary for me to think about being sober. I used to love going to breweries and wineries and now that it’s summer all of these live bands and outdoor venues. I like being social, going out and alcohol was a catalyst for getting the courage to speak to other people. But I could never just stop at one or two. I am seeing more places have non alcoholic beverages which I’m excited about. I know I can and we can do this. It’s going to be a commitment to myself and a new mindset but I really need to tie it in to a lot of WHYs. Why this path is going to best thing for me and my life. Thanks again! Hope to stay connected on this journey. Still trying to navigate the app too lol

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On days where I’m really anxious and stressed I will have an NA beer or two (I like athletic brewing for NA) and they help with the wanting one in your hand. Also CBD tea takes a lot of tension. Harney and Son have a nice cinnamon one that the hotness of the tea and the cbd help relax without any negative side effects. I’m the same way where I open up when I drink and it helps me feel more confident and outgoing. I’m hoping that I can continue that feeling without the alcohol… I also loved going to breweries and venues and such. But at the same time I have made a fool of my self so many times that the confidence I had made it worse. It took away my ability to see when I need to stop or when I need to contain myself. Per say a sloppy drunk… I may have my little things I guess that I’m just subbing in for the beer or wine but if it helps me not open a real drink then I’m all for it.

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Glad you are here! Those feelings will get lesser and easier to deal with the longer you stay clean. Hang in there,keep pushing forward—one day at a time!

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Yes. I need to set myself up for success. Even tonight I have a box of wine in the fridge and I want to drink again. Even after all the mistakes made the last two days. I’m waiting for my mom to leave the house now, then I am going to dump what’s left from the wine down the drain. Then go to the grocery store and get something good to eat for dinner and look for a better alternative for the wine. I too have made quite an ass of myself with my drinking. I will not miss that.

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Reading it now! Thanks for the info

Welcome home. As Angie said, it does get better. You’ve got this.

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Thank you! It already feels really good to be connected to everyone here

You’ve found your way to an app with a community of addicts hoping to get some help because your life has mentally and emotionally and possibly physically become unmanageable.
I would say something bad has already happened.
Nobody knows what there rock bottom is until they hit it but alcoholics lives never seem to get any better whilst drinking. Take this opportunity to read what long term sober people do and do what they do and with some hard work and support maybe this is as bad as it’s going to get.
I promise you, carry on drinking and you’ll be amazed how much more you got to lose. Stop now work a program and you’ll be amazed before you’re half way through.

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I have hit rock bottom many times already. Nothing has worked… I have been blessed with so much mercy and I end up going right back to what brought me there and continue to ask for forgiveness over and over again. I can’t keep living like this. I do need to find a support in my area. I have a contact in mind but that admittance piece holds me back. Like it’s a big secret I don’t want anyone to know. Guess I am still in denial sometimes and definitely am ashamed of my drinking. My church is starting life groups again so I am hoping to get reconnected there.

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24 / 7 zoom code, sit and listen to like minded people. camera and mic off if you prefer.

Oh and stop asking God for forgiveness, He heard you the first time, God forgives you and will do for you what you can’t do for yourself but there is a lot you can do for yourself.
I pray every morning for the strength not to pick up today and so far so good but its helping other alcoholics and getting the help from other alcoholics that keeps me sane for the next 24.

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That’s great :slight_smile: I have been giving mine away so I won’t be tempted as well. It’s hard not to want to even with the negative nights. But the fact that you’re resisting is great :heart:

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Welcome to the forum. It’s always hard to take a good long look at oneself, but that’s the only way we can ever know what we really need to fix. Hang in there and take it one day at a time. You can do this.

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Looking at ourselves is a tough pill to swallow, but it’s a huge move in the right direction. I can relate…I hated the emotional fall out after drinking. Keep that thought fresh. Welcome …there are always people on this forum at all hours.

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Wanna know what scares me? The thought of drinking again, with the understanding that it could be one that eventually ends me.

My very first sober friend on this app used to say “choose your rock bottom before your rock bottom chooses you”.

Here’s some good news: maybe it’s a wise choice to avoid those places where you’d be tempted to drink this summer, but if you work hard to build a strong sobriety, you can one day join friends at a Winery, or hit a music festival. I do it every so often myself. I enjoy the event and those I am with…I just choose to do it sober.

Welcome, I am glad you found your way here, and I hope you will stay.

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…go to an AA meeting or two. It was important for me to do stuff that was growing my sobriety, rather than emulating my old behavior of putting a substance, including NA beers or their cousins, into my mouth and down my gullet.

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