I totally relate to this. I haven’t drank in few months. this past weekend I went on a 2 day bender. On Sunday I had a panic attack at 3 am. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. I know for a fact that I’m self medication. I’m at a point where I’m just sick and tired of the cycle. The risk that I put myself in during these benders stresses me out for days. I don’t keep alcohol at my home. But on the weekend after partying my friend convinced me to go to my parents house to get some. I snuck in and took a bottle of booze that has been there since last year. I never felt tempted to take it all these months. I feel so terrible. I’m not trying to blame my friend but I’ve realized that if I truly want to over come this I will have to get rid of certain relationship. It’s a bit scary because I don’t talk to lot of people so losing few close one is going to hurt. I don’t want to fall into a Depressive state of mind and turn to drinking.
Welcome! I’m at day 3 now and things are getting better. The anxiety isn’t so bad. In a bit of depression but that’s sort of normal for me, until I can get back to a therapist and even just moving my body again. I know that will help. And yes, I realized I need to cut off a few people in my life if I want to be successful and I am going to have to not go to some places that I used to enjoy going to for fear of giving in to the temptation of drinking. But I know this is temporary. I know I will find better influences for my life. I know I will get lonely and depressed but I need to prepare for this days. Mentally and physically. I will tell you what I wont miss, the anxiety, the wondering what I did to embarrass myself, who saw me what they will say or think about me, the financial expenses, there is so much more I have to lose if I/we keep drinking… We can definitely do this! This community has been amazing and there is so much content to read on here and ways to connect. Stay in touch!
Depression sucks! Struggling today. Slept like shit the last two nights. Went for a walk this morning but all I want to do is sleep. I was also fantasizing going to one of the breweries I used to go to and sitting outside drinking beer 🤦
Welcome to the group. The support here is awesome. Maybe try going to a meeting. There are tons of meetings on zoom. Every hour, every day. Hearing the stories of other people in recovery is a huge help.
You are doing the right thing. Just take it one day at a time. If that gets hard then take it one hour at a time… Or one minute. Whatever you have to do. You can do this
Prayers to you and again, welcome
Three days down, pushing towards 5. I’m going to probably use this thread for my own check ins but would still love to stay connected with others on here too. I am worried about the weekend and going to work on Saturday. I bartend part time. It’s good money and I need a second job right now but sometimes I don’t have self control to not drink on the job or after it. Contemplating keeping it I’ve been there for 7 years. And I love my boss.
Checking in this morning. I am so sick of the fucked up dreams/nightmares. I can’t sleep through the night. Had a dream about my mother and her health taking a turn for the worst which is on my mind a lot lately which makes sense to dream about it. I have a fear that I’m going to find her dead one of these days and I wouldnt know how to deal with something that traumatic.
Made it to day 5… I have a work event today and I am hoping there is absolutely no alcohol there and my boss will not ask if I want a drink. Nighttime was better last night. I didn’t even need to put the TV on to sleep. Pushing myself to get to day 10
Congratulations on day 5! That’s a great accomplishment! This community has really helped me. I have not been as present as I’d like to be lately as I did have a relapse after 65 days, but I never thought I’d make it that far ever!!! I’m ready to do it again and go even further. I was reading through some of the earlier posts on this thread and I just wanted to comment on the NA beer that @Bashly827 was mentioning. Of course everyone is different, but in my case, it was actually a bottle of NA wine that slowly led to my relapse. Just my experience though…
Anyway, good luck tonight. You can totally get though it. Each craving you beat the stronger you become. I try to remind myself that I never regret waking up sober, but I always regret that first sip of alcohol. Just make it thought tonight one moment at a time. You can do it:heart:
Just one question though also. Do you actually have to attend this work event? And if you feel pressured to look like you’re drinking could you possibly have a club soda and make it look like a different drink, or do you feel comfortable being honest with your boss saying that you aren’t drinking at all right now or even more brutally honest in the fact of admitting that you’re an alcoholic? That’s a super tough one to do! I haven’t even done that with everyone yet… Sorry for all the questions I’m just thinking out loud as to whatever would make someone in that situation the most successful and of course we’re all different. Early in my recovery I went to a staff meeting where everyone was drinking and I made it through the night without any alcohol! I couldn’t believe how amazing I felt that I had made it through! It wasn’t easy though but once I started to see everybody drinking in the effects it had on them I felt grateful to be sober (I realized that was more than one question LOL)
I never wanted to admit I was an addict. Then as my addition progressed, I could not leave Drugs and alcohol alone. I lied, deceived and took advantage of my loved ones. Then I came to believe I had a problem. Eventhough I wanted to stop, I couldn’t stop on my own. Nothing was important while I was drinking so I decided that nothin is important as me going to rehab. The 12 step program allowed me the freedom and Power to be Sober 1 day at a time. For 6 months I’ve been sober. I don’t need drugs and alcohol to be Happy. But I am active in my recovery by attending meetings and sponsoring other addicts because that’s how bad I want to stay sober.
I do have to attend the event. I definitely don’t feel comfortable speaking to my coworkers about my unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I definitely plan on having just seltzer or ask for na drinks. I just have a very hard time saying no. But if I think it I can do it right?
Thank you for sharing your story I just started a 12 step program through my church. I still don’t know if it’s the right place for me but I’m willing to try.
Kudos for recognizing the problem. Some people go their whole life never recognizing it. You don’t have to have a police record, dui, lose your job, wreck your car to be an alcoholic. The illusion of “I’m successful and responsible” is enough to convince many people they don’t have a problem.
I found AA and after an adjustment period I love it.
When you are tired of this feeling you are given the gift of desperation. I was willing to do anything to not have the feelings you just described. Keep us updated it’s not an easy journey but it’s the best journey you can take to regain your life and your true personality
the day is almost over where I am. I’m looking forward to tomorrow.
hoping for a good night’s sleep 
I’ve been there for 7 years. And I love my boss.
(I realized that was more than one question LOL)
But if I think it I can do it right?