Now that I have been sober for a few days, when I start to get the cravings to drink I have been trying to be more aware of what the trigger is and it’s sad. I have a lot of childhood trauma and resentment towards my mother. It’s a shitty feeling. I know a lot of my issues stem from this. I definitely need to find someone to unpack this so I can heal. I am struggling with out having a physical support system. Someone to hug, call, etc. I am not close with my family. My sister’s sort of but they don’t live near me, one is 3k miles away and the other seems to not want to be bothered. Also a hard pill to swallow is realize how alone i am. I hope someday I can heal so much so that i don’t feel the need to want someone so bad but I can enjoy my life on my own. I did at one point… These last three years have felt like torture. I am so numb most of the time and rarely smile anymore.
Would it really be just beers on the deck? What happens next? It’s been my experience each day gets better with out a drink. It sucks at first. I was a roller coaster of emotions. You’ll plane out. Your sleep will return to normal. I used guided meditation on you tube. It helped, still does. Hang in there.
I know this feeling all to well. I live in a state half way across the country from my family and there are only a few coworkers out here with me. I have been living pretty solitary for the past three years and that has been when my drinking really began on the uptick. I know what it feels like missing that physical presence of someone in your life. I feel alone most days with thoights that my life will always be like this. Its been a hard thing to admit to myself that I feel this way about myself and that I don’t love myself like I should. I’ve just been trying to put myself into new situations, sober ones, where it gives me a chance to get out and be around people again and give myself the chance. I’ve also found someone I can talk to about things and it is beginning to help. Ive learned that I will have good days and bad days. On those bad days I just remind myself to go a little easier on myself. It is a different frame of mind, but one I am trying to work on. The other thing I have learned is to reach out here. This community has been a big help and there is always someone willing to reach out. We are all here for you when you need it.
I’m sorry you are struggling. I feel alone a lot also.
It’s good that you are learning more about your triggers, but it’s sad sometimes to think about the past. Please check in and let me know how the work event went. I’m thinking of you.
Thank you 
I will
You sound like me 5 months ago. I ended up in the hospital though. Went to a treatment centre after several failed attempts on my own. Sober months now. It’s great. Seek extra help if you can’t manage it on your own. Wishing you the best
I can’t believe tomorrow will be one week. I feel like this is where I have slipped up before. I make it a week or almost two then I reward myself with a drink 🤦 and I’m sure most of you know how that ends up. The weekend will be tough for me. A friend would like to meet up tonight. I would like to get dinner with her but part of me thinks I might just try and take myself out to eat or to see a movie instead. I need to mind my company right now. I love her dearly but she isn’t always the best influence around drinking. Tomorrow I have to work both jobs. The second one is my bartending one. I’ve been successful in the past. I just need to say no to myself and when i get out at 10 go straight home and not. That’s where i would get in trouble. People would buy me drinks and could never say no. One day at a time i need to make the right decision tonight after work so I don’t set myself up for failure. Day 10 I am allowing myself a reward purchase for a zero gravity rocking chair for outside
Comgrats on your milestone. Youre anticipating some triggers be prepared with your sober toolbox!
Wow. I read the bible every morning and this was the verse that came up in my devotional… 1 Peter 1:14. Wow. God is good and his hands are all over my life.
Sounds like you realise you have a problem with alcohol but don’t know what to do about it. My suggestion would be to get along to an AA Meeting ASAP. There you will meet many like minded wonderful people who will offer you support and friendship without wanting anything in return.
Living sober is not always easy but it is a lot easier than living with alcohol, I wish you a long and happy future without alcohol. Take care, be strong and you will get there
Checking in. One week down today. I went over to a friend’s house last night she offered me wine I only took one sip to taste it but gave her back the rest and explained my story of working on sobriety. She actually told me she has been drinking almost every day too and understands how quickly it could get out of control. And why she was drinking. We both had similar reasons. I also spoke up about my unhealthy relationship with alcohol with a coworker as well. I actually haven’t really had a craving to drink. I’ve been content with soda water and cranberry juice if I’m out. And I have had many instances where my emotional state would have normally lead me to drink but I haven’t drank. Today I bartend at my other job, we’ll see how this goes. I’m not too worried about it though because I will be working. I think next month I’m only going to take on one shift I need my weekends back so I can start doing things that bring me joy. Money will come later 🤷
Well congratulations on a week down and being strong and giving the wine back and good luck tonight at ur job just remember u don’t have to drink just for today
Good job on the progress you’ve made!!
I’ve been 7 days sober! an event on the weekend almost triggered me to drink. I was feeling down and my friend called asking to hangout. I told them that I wasn’t in the best head space to hang out. I asked them what they were planning on doing…there was a beerfest going on. I told them I’m not trying to drink right now. After the conversation ended, I started to feel guilty. I felt bad that I was telling my best friend that I can’t hangout. Instantly after the call I came up with other things in my mind to do… go to the beach… etc. I called them back after 10 minutes but no answer I called 2-3 times. There was no answer and I’m truly happy they didn’t picked up. It would have been bad.
After the ordeal, I took a nap. I woke up feeling less sad. I went to dinner had a virgin mojito after that I went for a walk. On Saturday, I felt sad again. I went to breakfast alone and took some time to write down all the things that were on my mind. I’m still working through last weekend bender. 2-3 days of drinking”having fun” isn’t worth the shit that I’m going through right now. The constant Paranoia , shitty thoughts about my behavior and nightmare.
I’m looking forward to talking to my counselor this weekend coming.
That’s excellent! So proud of you!
I relapsed this weekend while I was at work. I was trying to figure out what triggered me? The whole week I was able to pin point the reasons why I wanted to drink. I spent the whole day yesterday in bed with a hangover and had to deal with my mother asking me all kinds of questions. I didn’t get mad at myself though I am using this as a lesson learned so I remember how much it sucks to be hungover and what a waste of time it it is too! I also realized I need to cut off access to one person who is a terrible influence. I still have a lot of work to do but I know I can get there. Your story is inspirational too. I need to get out and do more things that will bring my joy and not rely on alcohol to be social or “the thing to do” I know at some point I will be able to go out to a social event and not want or need alcohol but baby steps for now. One day at a time. Stay in touch!
Definitely struggling. I realized subliminally what’s probably triggering me this week… Two years ago this week my ex had a hickey on his neck. I confronted him about it. He said it was “dry skin” 🤦 I had a nasty gut feeling and didn’t trust it at the time. I will never forget that night. He gaslit the fuck out of me. I have clearly not healed from this. Fast forward to July 6 I found out that he had been cheating on me for months. I had never been so heartbroken in my life. I loved him. I don’t think I have ever really loved anyone the way I loved him. We had been through so much together. His father passing then he was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I was there through everything. But, I let him take advantage of me the entire relationship. I realize it now but I still havent healed. I will never understand why people cheat. He was a terrible alcoholic and definitely took me down with him. I dont know why I still miss him, sometimes wish I would cross paths with him. But I know when I see him it would flip my stomach again and trigger my anxiety… I cried a lot today. And drank a tall beer 🤦 having a hard time with self discipline. This week is going to be hard.
Had a similar weekend and just made my first post here earlier this evening. It’s seems like everyone here is very positive and supportive. Hope you have a successful journey and to see more of you around here!
Same to you! It’s a journey for sure. I’ve had tremendous amount of support here and I hope you will get the same. Stay in touch if you need or find similarities here with my journey. We gotta be here for each other.
Absolutely, Same goes for you as well!
Checking in again here. Another day one… Idk how to stick to being sober. I had a beer yesterday. I want to not want to drink. This week is already a struggle with work and emotional trauma from my past surfacing. I don’t want to live in my feelings anymore. I don’t want them to control me anymore. I’m ready for my school year to wrap up. I’m ready for my hours to change at work. Getting back to yoga classes and hiking. Hopefully taking my kayak out this weekend. How do people find their strength to fight the urges? I’ve been up since 5am with a racing mind…
Good morning, and it’s a great day to be sober! I think you will understand me when I say that my alcoholism is a spiritual disease. I was trying to fill the hole inside of me. My obsession with drink cut me off from rational thinking, from feeling my emotions, and from any connection with the human race or any other entity outside myself. I was living in my head, and it was a pretty barren landscape.
To help with the physical act of drinking, I got on a prescription for Antabuse - if I drank I would get violently ill, even the “one sip of wine just to taste it”. It gave me a lot of confidence to take the pill in the morning and know I would not physically drink.
On top of that, I had to deal with the emotional roller coaster, so I saw an alcohol counselor once a week. And on top of that, I needed pretty much daily support to stay sober and grow my sobriety, so I went back to Alcoholics Anonymous. You mentioned a 12 step program at your church, is that “Celebrate Recovery”? I think some folks here (on Talking Sober) have had success with that.
Oh, and I got arrested and released on bond with severe restrictions, including a daily check in at the police station for a breathalyzer test. So I had accountability - now, in itself that was not enough as I had drank on those same conditions of release in the past.
Taken all together, all these actions were an expression of my belief that my FIRST job every day was to stay sober, no matter what, no matter how I felt or what I thought. And that’s still job 1 today, which is why I’m on TS, reading and responding. I need to do something every day about my alcoholism or it will do something about me.
Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey. I can tell you this, you can stop drinking and it will be okay. Everything is going to be alright.