Day 1.
I am laying in bed in the upstairs bedroom while my fiancé is watching a movie downstairs. I have a pitcher of water by my bed and an awful plastic cup with straw from the Walgreens sale section on my makeshift side table. This cup is so dreadful to look at. I can’t even count how many nights I’ve woken up gasping for water because all I had running through my veins for the past 2 days was whisky. Slurping up water like the dehydrated, sad, tired, and sick girl I am sometimes. Then after that it’s time to go to work. Shower. Don’t fall over. Put on makeup. Try not to keep your hands from shaking. Put on clean scrubs, try and forget all your shame, then smile and drive as safe as you can to the office.
It’s day 1 and I’m writing this while my fiancé refuses to speak to me. He is contemplating ending our engagement and he is rightful to be doing so. I come out of my drunken stupor and I realize what a monster I am. I can be.
I pray to whatever higher energy there might be out there for me that I can stop this monster. This whisky. This cycle. I want to stop hurting myself and others around me. I want to be healthy.
You’ve come to the right place. You are taking the first and most important step. The step towards sobriety and a better life. Look around the posts and threads you will find a world of people that have your back. And several who have lived the same life story before they took control of their DOC.
You CAN do this. Hugs
Thank you so much. I feel so lucky to have found this place. I hope you are staying safe and healthy. 
You can do it, take it one day at a time. Try doing online aa meetings. It is my 3rs day sober once again trying to keep it going strong. This passed weekend I got super black out drunk and I feel horrible. Check out the family church app and they have lots of hopeful videos about God!
Welcome Amy
Day one is a good day to start. I’m glad your here. I know the dry mouth headache nights getting in the the shower at 3 am hoping it will relieve the pain. Only to get out wide awake and can’t sleep and still headachy and drinking gallons of water. And then being a dumbass and doing it again and again. I finally got tired of it. I found this place and I’ve gotten great support.
I don’t do AA but in my own way I do work the steps. I do recommend AA. Not knocking it or anything. Those first 3 steps are a huge start to recovery. https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/smf-121_en.pdf
I was and I still am and will always be powerless over alcohol. The one drink that can kill us, end our relationships, ruin our families, or maybe kill some else is that first drink. That’s what we all strive for around here. Not taking that drink that matters. The first one.
I like these threads particularly. Especially the gratitude thread. I start every single fucking day on the gratitude thread. You know why? Cuz I got a lot to be grateful for when I’m sober. Yes I do!!
Your so worth the benefits of sobriety. And so is your fiancé.
Check in ask for help before you take that first drink. There’s always someone around.
I hope to see you around.
I like
I really needed to hear that.
Thank you thank you thank you.
the gratitude thread is brilliant
Hi sweetie, so glad you found this app and are writing to us. You are NOT a monster by any means! You’ve got a drinking problem that is entirely in your power to overcome. I know this because I was you about 1.5yrs ago. The girl and the whisky or vodka in tea cups in every room of the house and the smashed up Sundays in bed (teacup under the bed) and not recognising myself in the mirror, my life around me and how I got there. If I can turn my life around so can you Amy! I leave it others to provide all the intro info for this place as I’m sick in bed a bit dizzy from writing. Just wanted to extent a very warm welcome. Make the leap and you will never regret it. You can do it. 
Hi your message was so sweet it brought me to tears 
and I am so sick in bed too.
thank you. You can do it too!
Haha aww that’s sweet, thank you! I shall recover from my flu and you shall take steps to take your life back! Have you got a plan? Ever tried AA? I listened to a lot of podcasts the first year and read a lot of memoirs. I’m still always learning more and life is still challenging for me, but sobriety is the foundation of it all.
We can both do it indeed!
WE will be okay!!
I just decided today after a monstrosity of a shits show night. but i have contemplated this before and tried before but failed.
but this time feels different! I downloaded an aa meeting app today that has recordings. thank you for your message!
Welcome amy 
you are in the right place and with people here that are a god send and amazing humans. Stick around, you will love it and it will help your sobriety to the moon and back 
Loved listening to AA meetings aswell back in the day! There are a few good Podcast formats of those aswell, if you check in your podcast app. Would recommend! Hope to read from you again soon!
Im on day 3. We can do this together! Its gets better and it will be worth it!
Hey @Amyjean…so very glad you’re here. You’re not a monster…but alcohol is for you. I hear so much of my drinking days in you. The best thing is that you NEVER have to feel that way again. It was helpful to me in the early days to write the most detailed account I could of my last hangover with every mental physical emotional and spiritual detail I could muster. I also wrote on the back every single reason I could think of to get sober. I read these every time I had a craving or were feeling weak. I read them so often those first few weeks. But I truly have NEVER felt that way again. Life sorts itself out when we sort ourselves out. It was helpful for me to also let go of trying to make anything work (relationship or living situation wise) as that was me trying to control stuff I really had no control over. What I COULD control was whether or not I drank, and whether or not I was going to put getting myself better first in my mind.
Hope some of this is helpful to hear. So glad to be here with you 
This sounds very familiar. Welcome!! The beauty of sobriety is you never have to feel that way again. It is a blessed relief to let that shit go and start truly living in the now.
Congrats on making the best decision of your life. I cant add anymore then what was already shared except you truly can do this. I was you 32 days ago and once I made this decision everything started working for me in my life. I work on it EVERYDAY. and just take one day at a time. I cant repeat it enough when people tell you to check in on this forum everyday, its a must. Someone is here pretty much 24/7 and support can be found in every thread. Read, read, read…you are not alone in this. And Welcome!
This hit home. I could have written this. I am 34 days sober now and its the best thing I could have done for myself and more importantly my children and husband. I didn’t realize how absolutely horrible I was until I got sober. Sending strength keep strong you won’t regret it!
I am so sorry that you are going through this, but in a way i am also not sorry. I know it is extremely uncomfortable amd even painful, but i know you will find that it is worth the struggle. The reasons you have for wanting to stop are strong, and so are you.