Really proud of you for reaching out @Twizzlers! If nothing else, do something for your sobriety today. Join an AA meeting and just listen if you don’t feel like sharing. Sometimes just hearing from like minded people helps me tremendously. If not an AA meeting, how about a podcast or something similar. I find Joe and Charlie on YouTube very entertaining. Their take on the 12 steps is what got me motivated to move forward when I was stagnant in my recovery. Glad you’re here and recognizing those red flags before it’s too late. Much love my friend.
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19 days is a wonderful stack up of days my friend. I totally get the warm weather, the spring feeling and the addict mind playing its tricks can be a harmful combination. Great work on realizing the lies and reaching out. We are here always for you and you don’t need to go through any of these urges / struggles alone.
Hope you are doing well now an getting that catio worked on. Earphones are god sent. A great way to zone out into your own world of peace 
Here if you need to vent / chat or whatever you need. Sending you loads of love 
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Thank you everyone 
I will not pick up. I’m glad I reached out.
I tidied around with quick daily dust hoover and mop.
Then hung the washing in the garden, and while I was out there I looked at what plants are growing and moved some of the stuff over to one side in preparation to start the catio.
My grandad passed away in 2020 from covid. On the 10th and I know that’s part of feeling how I feel.
So far apart from my mood and silly thinking the day has gone ok and I think it’s ok for me to stop my day here and start cooking and getting an early night.
While In the garden, mind was thinking, my sobriety is most important thing right now. It’s going to rain the next 3 days and I need to go to face to face meetings. The catio will get done. Right now I need to put sobriety before everything otherwise today will be the beginning of ticking time bomb. I have to act now.
Thursday I will start the catio when the weather is nice. That’s give me 3 days to get to daily meetings and evening ones face to face.
Now thinking what to cook for dinner 
Thank you all so much for taking time to reply. There’s some shame that comes with opening up and feeling I’m not even worth people’s help, and feelings of vulnerability to open up and I know that’s not true it my addiction telling me that.
I’m still sober right now and I have a plan that I didnt have earlier.
All of your support means so much to me thank you
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no shame my friend – we have all been here and are fighting the same fight. you are not alone and here we all understand the struggle. glad you are realizing the triggers and that the shame is just your addict voice trying to isolate you. Great work on putting yourself and your sobriety first. Much love to you
Sounds like you had a lovely day. Excited to see what you have cooking for dinner 
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Absolutely. I hated having to suck it up, and come back here to say, that I had relapsed once again everytime. But just had to realize that was all part of the learning process and my own path to sobriety
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So glad you reached out and it helped! I never really did and it made it so much harder and many times the demon in my head won. The mind battles are so exhausting.
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Very good! I’m so sorry that you had to do battle with that lying voice today, but you’re doing so well. Yes, I find I obsess over some project at times, and then it’s more important each day until it’s bigger than maintaining my recovery. I feel that’s part of the addiction. A relapse set-up. Like if I don’t do this fast and perfectly I’m a failure. When, really, recovery comes first or I don’t make it, AND the project never gets done.
I sometimes get sick of battling addiction, sometimes even talking about it. I think it’s hard to find a balance between recovery and life until I remember that sobriety always comes first. Recovery IS life for me. The other stuff gets done whenever.
Sending hugs, I am so proud of you for reaching out and taking it off the table ! We got ya Twiz.
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How you doing Twizzle?
Just checking in since I’m seeing activity on your thread. You know. Like I care so much for you my English cat loving friend. And Polly too oh. I can’t wait to show you my new catio in Cali. It’s amazing.
Anyway. I’m so happy you reached out. I got this letter to “self” I saw online at an addiction help site. I been holding on to it for awhile. I haven’t shared it for awhile either. I save it for my special friends here 
If you like, it make a copy of it. Pull it out when needed. I hope you don’t mind I just post it here. Maybe someone else would like it.
Dear Self,
If you’re reading this, I assume you are struggling to quiet the voice in your head that says you can, or should, drink. That you’re not really an alcoholic, or even if you are, it’s not that bad. That it’s just for tonight, you’re a grown adult and can make your own decisions, and are perfectly capable of enjoying a drink or two, or five or seven, and be perfectly fine overall.
Or, maybe you’re upset. Maybe something bad has happened, or you are afraid might happen soon. Maybe something stressful is going on. Maybe you’re overwhelmed and anxious, and the voice is telling you that you are being ridiculous to “deny yourself” any longer.
Maybe you’re happy and relaxed, and something in your brain is piping up louder and louder. If you’re this happy and relaxed now, a couple of drinks would make that feeling even better. Right? Isn’t that how it works?
Whatever the situation going on, there is always an excuse that we can come up with to drink, if we try hard enough to create it.
Just do this for me (for you), just this once, please.
Just wait until tomorrow.
It’s just for today.
You chose to quit drinking, and you have the complete freedom to choose to drink again at any point.
The reason that you haven’t is because you accepted the truth that once you take that first drink, all bets are off. You came to the conclusion that for you, it is no longer worth the risk.
You may not feel that way now, or today. I get that. I’m not asking you to do this forever, but please just hang on for another day. That’s all I ask.
Love,
You
I can’t remember who wrote it to give credit to. But it’s yours now should you want it.
And remember I always got your back 
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That letter always tears me up and makes me cry. 
Don’t make me get on a plane. They got nonstop here. I’d do it!! 
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So much love Twizzle I’m sure you feel it !!!
Keep putting recovery first
Together we are stronger
Thx so much for posting , the love is strong here 
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Hey Twizzlers,
Thank you for opening up, and with this, give us the opportunity to support you during your struggle.
I am glad that you did not pick up.
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To you all
Thank you all for taking time to support me today.
Reading through all your posts my heart feels warm and I don’t feel alone.
Today has been up and down.
But I made it through I am in bed now hopefully fall asleep soon.
I will reply properly tomorrow, I just think cuddled up falling asleep to a movie is good right now and just what I need.
Time out of my own mind.!
Thank you so so much for being here, I can’t express how deeply heart warming it is to have you all helping me. I’m so emotional today it’s made me cry that your all so kind and thoughtful and it means alot.
I didn’t want to log off and go to sleep without saying goodnight and thank you
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What an awesome plan.
Rest easy. 
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I appreciate the time you took sharing this ‘letter to myself’.
Yesterday when I read it I really took it in and it helped bring some of my thoughts to perspective.
Thank you
Also your are a special friend here 
Always supporting and encouraging and I am grateful there are people like you here on TS and in the world.
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To everyone, today feels like a better day.
Going to get up and get on, it’s Monday maybe keeping my normal routine will help me here.
And look at the local meetings.
My calendar went off this morning that I have booked a carpenter for the back door.
That will help me keep busy for a while.
My plan is to begin to have a plan.
I don’t have the mind capacity to reply to everyone one by one right now. Going to go easy today, get the door sorted and keep pushing forward.
Hopefully early afternoon il get to myself if I get moving now with few bits on today’s list. 
But I have read and felt the support and it helped so much I’m glad I reached out.
Edit: forgot to add: still sober
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Loved this, bookmarked and shared it with a friend in case things get rough at some point 
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Ok today had some creeping thoughts.
But let them pass and I managed to get all the screws and fittings for the catio.
I also have chopped all the wood to size for the outer frame 
so proud I just did it.
I have been making myself go out into the garden to hang washing up, to expose my self to see there is no reason to be anxious especially in my own garden!
Have washing to go out and collect again in about when it’s dry and before it rains.
So today has been productive…I would like to go out and drill the outer frame to the wall but I don’t want to miss the carpenter for the back door.
So although my mind thinks it should keep going - but ,reality is, it isn’t going to be built over night and not for the next few days which helps me as the wood will be dry to paint.
I will not drink today. I do think I need to be open about getting a sponsor and get into the meetings face to face. Today there will be no time but I can online. But I feel face to face is what I need.
I’m very Interested in recovery dharma, and AA. And I’m willing and want to start recovering not just being sober.
Anyway before I bore you all IL leave it there.
I’m out of the danger zone and so grateful to you all for helping me get through yesterday.
I am at day 20, thanks to you all being here, and to me for allowing myself to realise I had to reach out.
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Its okay my friend dont be so hard on yourself like we are all only humans.
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Listen chin up
We’ve all been there
Am on day 5
After relaping after 112 day’s
Stay positive
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