I was 10 days clean and really starting to see and feel the gratitude in life, but as of last night I feel of the wagon yet again. I’m sure why? Things in my life are great. I have a great wife , a good job and I’m generally happy. I have no idea why I drink.
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Have you tried replacing booze with something else? Like flavored water? That’s helping me right now. I replaced the feeling of the can of beer in my hand with the feeling of a can of sparkling water.
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What are the circumstances that you drink? Alone at home? Going out in bars hanging out with friends?
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Alone at home. I had a really great day spent time hiking with my wife and friends. Sad thing is I really don’t have a desire to drink. But this little voice in my head talked me into it.
I don’t even enjoy the feeling of being outside myself when I drink. This disease is horrible.
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What did it say? I mean this voice that you are following like a slave.
I needed to get some space between me and this little fucker. I needed to catch him in the act and questioning its truth.
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Welcome! 
Stick around and read our posts especially the daily check in… this awesome group helps me stay sober.
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It’s not a literal voice, it’s me arguing with myself and giving in.
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Thank you , I will.
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Still, there is no reason to believe this voice being part of yourself. BC he/she/divers is absolutely wrong.
We all have the voice - each and every one of us on this forum.
The trick is learning to tame it, to conquer it, to boss it around, to put it in its place.
I challenge whether you truly do not know why you drink, or if you just have resistance to facing it. How long have you spent trying to get to the root cause?
I know for me, I am just now coming to terms with the “whys” of it all. They are numerous. Generally speaking, there is an inkling, in the recesses of our minds, which points to what we are trying to run or hide from.
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Might need alot more support, help you overcome the reason you decide too, if you have no desire to drink thats good. But if the amount you drink is excessive and uncontrollable when you do that can be a sign of trouble.
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You sound like me. I call it boredom drinking. I will have a great day and think “yes I want to keep riding this high!” And go do something productive. I’ll have a bad day and think “I need to find a positive” and do something positive. Then I will have the quiet downtime and that’s when my thoughts turn to drinking. Any time I’m alone My mine thinks “eh good time for a beer ya?”
How do you occupy your mind when you’re alone? What does the battle of the brain look like to you?
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I keep myself pretty busy most the time. I ride bike during the week and meditate in the mornings. I do really well during the week and I have had some great weekend, but my minds tells me it’s the weekend let’s live it up. Some weekend I’m fine , don’t get an urge other weekend not so good.
I know that feeling. What about it draws you in? Is there something you can replace it with? How can you live it up booze free?
When I was regularly drinking I found that unless I had a meet coming up, I felt no need to not drink. I found fictitious benefits that weren’t really there. It was all an excuse to hide behind the beer to avoid facing my feelings.
Sounds like Pavlovian conitioning 
This routine is engraved in the brain by repeating it over and over again. Good news: we can override and overwrite these conditionings and habits. Bad news: this process takes time and stamina. Plus: The more help and the more tools the more likely there will be healthy new habits in the future.
Try again and maybe write down your insights and experiences. Next time the voice is nagging you can re-read your notes.
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I’ve been sober 408 days my wife and me got in a fight and I wanted to drink so bad the thoughts just get coming in. I swear she like to push my buttons so I think that. However I just ended up pulling over the car and walking home. I might of looked dumb like she said but i look smarter today sober. LOL it’s a process of fighting back the thoughts and temptations but eventually you do get the upper hand every day you beat it.
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I would drink out of boredom, to cheers a good day, to drown my sorrows. When i really wanted to stop but I couldnt it made me realize a thing or two. And the constant negotiation and rationalization was exhausting
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I’m right their with you I had went almost two weeks without drinking and started feeling emotional and of course my only way to cope was with alcohol.
With only a few drinks in me I got drunk and still can feel it in my system the headache, the guilt.
Stay strong we got this 
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Thank you all! I appreciate all the insight and advice. One thing I know for sure is I truly am sick of the drinking, and truly want to stop. so I will keep at it, I will not give up on myself. As I get older I realize my time on this planet grows ever shorter and I don’t want to feel the shame, and self-regret that fallows after a night of drinking, anymore. So here’s to waking up this morning sober. I am Learning to appreciate each moment I have sober. In the beginning I was looking for big milestones, but now realize each minute I’m not under the influence, is a big milestone.
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