I’ve been feeling some cravings but still determined. My partner is not being very supportive but he isn’t when it comes to me wanting to change for the better. He’s not a bad guy but just doesn’t want to lose his partner in crime.
He sent me out to buy wine for dinner and I told him I didn’t want any. He wasn’t supportive. I knew he wouldn’t be but I’m just really upset that he doesn’t want to give me time.
I’m not worried about tonight as much anymore as I’ve put a plan for myself. When I quit smoking in the summer he very much peer pressured into smoking again. I lasted 44 days until a really stressful family event got me started again. I lasted 44 days with no support from him. That was because I really badly wanted to quit.
This is going to be the same thing. I really badly do not want to drink tonight and I want to wake up tomorrow morning feeling my best self and I think that is enough to get me through the night.
After dinner I plan on going for a walk. And I will be listening to the Recovery Elevator because last nights podcast was really inspiring.
I’ve beat anorexia and bulimia with little support. I quit smoking my first time with little support. I also battled through depression with little support. This is going to be similar. Because I want it badly enough. I’m just really pissed off but I cannot change him. Right now this is my situation and I trust myself because I’ve proved myself before that I am a strong woman, and very stubborn with what I want.
I came home with bad anxiety. I couldn’t sit and I was pacing. I became irritated. I kept trying to negotiate with myself in many different ways. I honestly didn’t think I was going to be able to do it. I let snapping at him and I didn’t mean it.
He kept going and poured wine in the pasta sauce. We cook a lot that way. The damn thing tasted like wine. The sauce was so good but that wine taste threw me off and turned me off. It was just too much. So that put my head straight.
Then he became angry that I wasn’t going to wear jewelry for our dinner date and how he was acting made me realize “wow can’t believe this is who I am when I drink”. And that was it for me. I didn’t want any anymore.
Part of me did because I knew if I was at his level I could tolerate him. Part of me didn’t because I didn’t want to be that person anymore. Or at least tonight because one day at a time is best.
After dinner I put him to sleep on the couch while he enjoyed his food coma and I went for my walk. Listened to the Recovery Elevator #269 and came home.
I took a bath. Someone on here suggested to someone else to make some tea so I think i might just do that. I feel really good. Really proud of myself that I am ending this night sober. That does not scare me right now. He woke up. He is sober and we are having a nice night in watching tv.
What I am grateful for? Literally you guys right now. I’ve read through these threads all night and it kept me in my place thank you
Yes, continue bettering yourself. Being sober is part of bettering yourself imo, but so is learning to be humble and meek. Being humble and meek are attributes that are just as hard if not harder than quitting drinking for me. It takes a lot of self inventory and spiritual practice for me. I am not at all saying he is right, but you will be much more relaxed and at peace if you let his lack of support just pass on by, without it messing with your serenity (easier said than done, I know).
Glad you made it to Sober Time, and I hope you find support here, and keep coming back. We need your inspiration. Maybe you can make a post about the podcast you mentioned. Maybe about a topic they talk about. I’ve never heard of that podcast, but you have inspired me to check it out
I know what you mean about switching moods and not being able to turn it off. One of the principles I am learning to live by, but in no way have perfected it, is to protect my serenity at all costs. Not having serenity and having a shit ton of emotions is one of the things that lead me to drinking. I am required (by myself and my Higher Power) to protect my serenity. It’s one of the highest callings of my life. Doing the work to build and protect serenity helps prepare us for any chaos that comes our way. We’re not perfect, but if we have and keep our serenity, things tend to go better for us. That’s just part of the universal design for how life works.
I don’t want to promote AA, but AA has saved my life, and does so daily. AA is the only group of people I have ever heard use the word serenity. I literally had to look it up.
First and foremost I have to surrender my will over to my Higher Power. Only you can decide what Higher Power means to you, but God is usually how I say it. Then I pray with pure intention that God grants me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I start my day truly meditating on this and examining things in my life and discerning which of the two categories the things in my life go in. Not control my gf or the weather are examples of things I cannot control, but how I respond to them is totally in my control for example.
I also read the AA Daily Reflections. These little daily devotionals really have made a life changing impact on me.
I also listen to a ton of AA speakers on YouTube.
It also helps that I have a sponsor that I have been talking to daily about all kinds of things from alcoholism, relationships and whatever comes up. AA and having a sponsor is basically free counseling for me. It really is amazing.
Here are some links for the daily reflections (automatically updated daily) and a good AA speaker that really helped me.
BTW, I don’t know your perspective on spiritual things or God, but don’t worry, I am not going to brow beat you about God. Our perspectives on God aren’t what’s the most important thing. The important thing is that we are reaching out for help, and there is help available to those who reach out and are willing to accept it.
This is amazing ,your more powerful than you know,it may get harder over time thou if your partner doesn’t support you and even puts temptations in ya face so please in time be cautious of that .all the best .xx
Each of us will react differently but along the same lines if that makes sense ,factors need to be taken into account like environment, support network, determination,what works for one may not work for another,go with your own thoughts feelings and most importantly listen to you gut instinct,try reaching out daily on here so you have the support you need when you get a tough day.
I can’t tell you how similar our stories are. I have so many thoughts rattling around my head about your situation and wish I had just the right thing to say. The thing is, I think you already said it all. You have this. The quality of our lives is in direct relation to the quality of our choices. Good for you. Sounds like you are turning a really big corner for yourself. So proud of you and I have never even met you.
Good for you! Glad to hear you made it. It isn’t easy by any stretch but it is so, so worth it. Take a look at some of the resources here too - there are some with online options: Resources for our recovery
Something to pass the time at least, but you may find something useful to support you too
I’m so proud of you for knowing what you want and sticking to it. Your other half does sound selfish but we don’t have to do what they do, my partner is currently drinking and smoking again but she is not me, her thoughts are not my actions.
I would tell him to buy his own bloody wine or beer though. Tell him if he wants it enough then he should buy it. I’m also now on day 2 and I wish you all the best on your amazing journey.
I told him what I was doing and I told him about Sober Time once he slept it off. He was supportive and he said I was doing the right thing. I had gotten out of control with my moods more than a few times this quarantine.
You are doing the right thing too. And it’s true, you can’t control those people and we need to respect their choices.
Good luck in your venture and I hope you can find strength when you most need it. I see we are all here for each other